My mom had something horrific happen to her this past week! She met this guy off a dating site and they went for drinks well apparantly he slipped something into her drink cause the next thing she remembers it ending up at his place. He raped her over and over again! He wouldn't let her go for a period of 30 hours! She already has major depression and other health problems how can she overcome this? I live 3,000 miles away from her what am i supposed to do ? She says she doesn't want to go to the police! Cause of the main face she doesn't want to talk about it. How can i help her? This guy is a monster. She said just by seeing his house he is very wealthy and he also mentioned he works for the wall street journal.Does this mean he'll have power? Please help i just needed to get this out i feel very overwhelmed about this as it is my mother i am talking about.
2007-01-28 02:13:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Go above her head! Talk to the prosecutor and police department they will have someone talk to her and convince her that it is the best thing to do. Who knows, there may already be a case building up against him or she might be able to give just enough evidence or clues to nail this guy. The prosecutors will be interested and if I am not mistaken, then she actually has no choice but to cooperate, the state takes over the case and all she would have to do is give information. There are professionals that are specifically trained to work with sexually assaulted women.
She is traumatized right now and not making rational decisions; if she or you let this matter go her depression will get worse until something happens. This guy is going to do this over and over again. It is your duty to prevent this from happening to someone else. The woman he did this to last time might have been able to prevent what happened to your mother, but might have been too ashamed to say anything.
Like I said, go above her even over her objections. Sometimes you have to be strong and make the right decisions even though they are hard. You know you want to do this! Get the ball rolling and she will have government paid access to counseling and legal help. The more time that passes the less likely it is he will be caught and another woman will be raped.
She may be really dissatisfied with you when you go over her head, but you have to do this because you know it is the better thing in the long run. You can sort it all out after the fact and once she has come to terms with what happened by having talked to therapists and gotten the support and sympathy from the prosecutory authorities.
He does not have power just because he works for the Wall Street Journal. If anything, the WSJ might even assist her just to keep any negative publicity under wraps. They will drop him like a hot potato, who wants to be associated with that kind of thing. But he most likely doesn't even work there, it's a common MO for sexual predators to claim power prior to the offense, which then takes advantage of the feelings of vulnerability after the fact to stifle their victims from speaking out.
Seriously dude, if you don't do what needs to be done, this is going to eventually lead your mother down a spiraling path. It's going to be a difficult road, but you know it is the one you have to take.
Now go get the bastard!
2007-01-28 02:34:44 · answer #1 · answered by Marc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an adult, if she refuses to go to the police (and she sounds like she was slipped rupees) then she makes the wrong choice and no one can force her to do the right thing.
The perp having power is not the deciding factor, very wealthy people are going to prison for that kind of conduct.
She should have reported to the hospital as soon as she escaped so they could get the DNA evidence.
Did this really happen ? or is there a chance she is just playing you for some support ?
If this did happen, she may not want to discuss the details but maybe you can motivate her to act like a responsible adult . . . no one can help her unless she stands up for herself, then you can help.
If I were in your shoes I would tell her that "I would hope my parent would have the sense to go to the hospital NOW and at the exam, report that it was rape. The hospital staff will notify the PD."
Hopefully some serious nudging by you will get her to act on this. Are there any family / friends there that can go to the hospital with her ?
For future reference , ANY raped person should go to the hospital so they can collect the DNA & if drugged, tell them so they can test for that too.
The more physical evidence, the better the chance of sending the perp up - river.
2007-01-28 10:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by kate 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're mixing up 2 issues- helping your mother, and bringing her rapist to justice.
It sounds like your mom's accusations might be hard to prove, as so often is the case. He'll have plenty of money for a good defense and he'll just say it was consensual. All this would be a lot more stress on your mom.
On the other hand, if there are other women with the same story, he could get prosecuted.
I would think your focus should be on your mom coping with all of this. Getting good counselling is key here. She's got a lot to work thru, and also a doctor to follow her for psychiatric meds too.
Good luck
2007-01-28 10:25:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to go to the police immediately! He was probably throwing around Wall Street so that she would feel intimidated and not go to the police. He will more than likely do this to someone else if he isn't stopped. Good luck.
2007-01-28 10:20:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you were my son, I would say this, thank you for listening to me and I know how you feel because this is how I feel when you are so many miles away from me and some thing is going on with you. I raised you to be able to take care of yourself and I feel kind of helpless that bad things may be happening and I want to fix it, but sometimes I have to realize that it is better for me to stay out of that part of it and let you handle it unless you ask me too. It is my choice and decission about going to the police, I am not wrong if I decide that I don't want to nor may I be right if I do decide to because I know what this system will put me through and chances are he will get away with this anyways. It is not your fault that this happened to me and probably is not mine either, I made a bad decission to go to this place and get involved with this dude, but that gave him no right to do this to me I know that and I need you to tell me this. I need your support so that I can vent my feelings and fears, and I need you not to get upset with me for doing so or not listening to everything you say to me or doing everything that you think I need to do. What you can do for me is be with your friends and talk about other things unless "we" are talking, it is my right to privacy that you will be violating if you do not. I raised you, so I am a big girl now and I know what is best for "me". I can make my own decissions about this, your a good son for caring. Just don't let it freak you out, but be there if I need you and let me tell you what I need from you and when. I know that you can do this because I have raised you with a great deal of openness, trust, and mutual respect, and we love each other enough to get through this. I just wanted you to know so that I didn't have to feel so alone or if I said the wrong thing to you or acted kind of funny that you wouldn't think it was something that you had done to me to make me react in that way. It will be okay, we will be okay, I will be okay, and you will be okay. Just don't give up on yourself or me either.
2007-01-28 10:52:15 · answer #5 · answered by Friend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is going to need much reassurance that you are there for her and willing to listen to her. She is going to need psychological counseling (not just a prescription from her physician) to work her way through this. I also believe she should go to the police as he committed three criminal acts; assault by spiking her drink, kidnapping, and rape. I am sorry to hear your problem. I am a family physician.
2007-01-28 10:21:58 · answer #6 · answered by mcs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just make sure she gets rape counselling (a must) and gets herself on proper medication. If she needs you to be there for her and feel secure, you may have to move in with her. She doesn't have to report it, though it is a good idea so noone else goes through this horrible act. Good luck to you and your Mum. Unfortunately there are these horrid bastards in this world. Hopefully he gets his.
2007-01-28 10:19:57 · answer #7 · answered by BrutalNerd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THere isn't much that I can add to the advice that you're already been given, except for this.
DROP EVERTHING THAT YOU ARE DOING AND GET ON THAT PLANE!!!!!! Your mother needs lot professional help with this, including medical help, but she also needs you.
2007-01-28 10:39:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have her go to the hospital. I feel sorry for you and your mom. That is not right. If she goes to the hospital they will be able to help her. The only way to help with something like that is through talking. Holding it in does nothing, actually it is worse. It makes you worse than anything. Please, get her help.
2007-01-28 10:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by Popsicle_1989 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am torn between giving you my feelings,ALL of which are illegal and advise, which means nothing unless SHE decides. So.....
I am very sorry that this has happened.
God Bless...
2007-01-28 10:25:12 · answer #10 · answered by jetero41 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋