Any insight on this at all?

Question

My daughter is 20. Very long to explain so I will be as brief and concise as possible. I started having problems with her when she was an adolescent. Defiance, etc. I am divorced from her father, (abusive to me and very manipulative to children). I got remarried when she was 6. Her stepdad and her got along great. I have 3 other boys, one from my previous marriage, one from my ex's marriage and our own child together. When she was in High School things got worse. She would play both ends against the middle, and then her behavior grew worse and she was very disrespectful to me and the house rules. She left and moved in with her father. After just 3 months she wanted toc ome home so she did. All was forgiven. I redecorated her bedroom and gave her a big party to welcome her home because I missed her and loved her so much. Then, about 6-7 months later she started again acting weird. She ran off and told me she wasn't coming home. Her grandmother picked her up from school and she

lived there for another year. SHe called me up crying and telling me how she hated to live there and how her father wouldn't even take her to the doc when she was sick. She came back but told me it would only be temp. since she met someone out of state and wants to move there. I didn't want her to leave but this is what she wanted. She left and lived with this guy for 7 months and he threw her out because she wouldn't work. I found out she was getting drunk and doing drugs all the time. I spoke to her boyfriend on the phone and he told me she is living with this girl. I got an email from her a week later that said,"F***you, I hate you . How dare you talk Sh*t about me to him, etc. Your ex daughter, -----. I was devastated. My husband was so upset he emailed her and she emailed him back and said F*** you too. She tried to break in my home a year ago to get some things that my husband had already dropped off at her dads house. My husband had to call the police and get a restraining orde

order against her for the attempted break in and the email. Now, I feel bad, (7 months later). I miss her and love her and hear she's using drugs and alcohol daily. What should I do? I am at wit's end and cry everyday. I can't expose my younger boys to her at this point (drugs and bad influence). Should I call her? Should I let her call me to apologize? Please advise me. Thanks.

PS I did take her to counseling when she lived with me. Counselor told me she was very manipulative.

Answer 1

You need to stop crying, you did the best you could for her, now, this is her choice to be on her own, she is not a child, but if ever you get change, tell her she needs counseling. She has been use to having her own way, and now as an adult, she can't understand why people are not doing what she wants. She has to take responsibility for her own actions. Pray for your daughter every day, and let it go, she has to want more for her self, at least you know many times, you tried to help her. Now it is up to her. Concentrate on your other children. Many Blessings go out to you, and your family!

Answer 2

I can partially symphazie w/ you!! But all I can say is she has made her choices and she has seen they were wrong but she refuses to live by what you say so she has to deal with this on her own!! Tough Love is something I am trying to learn myself to do for one of my kid's and it is not easy to do I can say that for a fact!! Let her be and when she see's the light (hopefully before it is 2 late) she will call or come to see you! If you know a close friend of her's maybe ask them to keep you informed if something happens that u may need 2 no about (God Forbid anything bad) Good Luck to you!

Answer 3

there is something missing here. there's something she's not talking about. she may have been abused by somebody. I think you should get her to a counselor to get her the help she needs. In till she recognizes she has a problem theirs not much you can do but be patient and pray! it's best to keep here away form the younger boys but let her now that you still love her and want to help her whne she wants help and just for money for her habits. good luck, I'm praying for ya both!

Answer 4

In large families you sometimes see 5 great kids and one loser. All raised the same.

I've dated girls like this, now she is going to treat her boyfriends just like she treated you and your husband. She is a spoiled brat and a lose cannon. In ten years she will have kids, bigger problems and will no longer be cute. Maybe then she will call you up and admit what a jerk she has been.

Answer 5

You don't need to finish the story.

She is a grown woman. At 20, she should be responsible for herself. She can only stay in your house if she's going to respect the rules.

If she is into drugs, or the wrong people or whatever, you can talk to her but that's it. You have little pull as a parent anymore.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Let her go.... I know it's hard. Sounds like she's gonna have to learn via the school of hard knocks.

At 20, there's nothing legally you can do to help her. Move on and don't let her back into your home until she's gone through Rehab and is truly repentant of her past behaviors.

Answer 7

she needs to get counseling and new friends but there is nothing you can do about that until she is ready to do that on her own, and she may never be. if you contact her, or she contacts you , urge her to get that counseling but in the meantime, be glad that the children you have at home are not giving you all those problems and don't get in the trap of neglecting them for the one who is lost. I hope things change for he better for you!!

Answer 8

Your question wasn't finished, but I'll answer as bestI can...

I think it's time to do TOUGHLOVE. I know you love her and miss her when she's not around, but she needs help. She's on a very destuctive path and she's pulling you down with her. If you truly love her, then get her some help!

Answer 9

iit sounds like the divorce is finally getting to her head. it's normal for daughters/sons of a divorced couple to feel like they aren't loved, so they make bad decisions in life including drinking and doing drugs. this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's partly your fault. and your ex-husband's too.

Answer 10

She has to hit rock bottom before you can help her. Just let her be. Man, that really sucks.