My boyfriend has said the following during our time together and still feels the same way after over a year: "I love you but I am not in love with you," "I am not ready for a commitment or marriage," "I don't believe in living together," "I like having my own place," "I don't like change," "I don't like moving." And yet he still wants to date me. He still wants to see me all the time (sex or not). He likes coming over and leaving whenever he wants to. When I suggest breaking up or cooling off, he feels hurt. He says that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. And that he might change his mind for the better when it comes to us. Its just that it will take time. What am I supposed to do?
2007-01-28 01:13:28 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You're supposed to enjoy him for who he is, and what he is. He is enjoying his time with you, he just wants his own place to go home to. Are you not enjoying him too? If not, then move on. Otherwise, just enjoy the relationship the way it is, until it changes!
2007-01-28 01:18:37 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a good sign. I would assume that you are his security blanket until something better comes along. The fact that we says "I am not in love with you", "don't believe in lving together", and most importantly "I am not ready for a commitment" tells me that he is just using you for the time being.
I know that this is probably not the answer that you want to hear. But I would move on and find someone that may be willing to do these things someday. It sounds like he just likes having the sex without the commitment. And by the way, who cares that he feels hurt when you suggest breaking up. What is the alternative? That you feel hurt all the time because he won't commit?
Dump this guy.
2007-01-28 01:21:45 · answer #2 · answered by Thoroughbred 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're supposed to leave. Just never invite him over again.
He's manipulating you. He "might love you" in the future, someday, sometime. Which will never come. He's already told you the truth.
When you try to leave he gives you this guilt trip, and nice words. Leave him, don't even bother calling him, because he knows you inside and out, and he'll come up with something else. Since he's a manipulator he cares nothing for you, only what he needs.
Evidence? you want commitment, and a relationship, he could care less, and has told you in no uncertain terms, yet he keeps you on a short leash.
Get a hold of his cell phone one time, and start calling numbers. he might have a second one. See who answers. He's proably got two or three girls.
Read some good books on how to get rid of losers who won't commit.
2007-01-28 01:22:44 · answer #3 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds so familiar! My boyfriend says the same things! I don't know what do either. You see, those words mean to me that I am not important. That I don't matter. That I am insignificant. That I am low on his prioirity list. They also mean to me that if someone else came along, he would dump me. Sometimes I feel that he is just using me. And so that makes me wish that he would just tell me goodbye. However, I have loved him for so long that I want to believe him when he says that he just needs time. But time for what? To wait for another to come along? And then if that doesn't happen he will give me a chance? Sometimes I just want to say "see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" But I can't... So, I just wait it out and hope for the best. He is worth it in many ways. I know for sure, though, that if he told me to get lost I would be very hurt. But survive. My advice? Wait it out ...if nothing good develops, move on. That's what I am going to try to do. If it weren't considered cheating I would look around at my other options...I wonder if he's thinking the same? Afterall, he is a man, you know!
2007-01-28 04:51:17 · answer #4 · answered by whoanelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so being used it's not funny. Wake up and smell the coffee, roses, whatever. You are nothing but a sex object that he can use whenever the inclination arises. He is probably the most manipulative m.c.p. I've ever heard of. I don't know what you look like, but I'm willing to bet you are worth more to anyone but this slug. Drop him - so what if he whines or even cries - get away from him and forget him. I've said this to other girls in the same predicament as you, and I'm going to say it to you - somebody special is out there waiting for you to find him - go girl and find him. Go well, and God Bless!
2007-01-28 01:27:08 · answer #5 · answered by Scabius Fretful 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the ******* **** that's exactly the same thing I said to my GF
Well, darling that means he's Loves you as a person as ahuman being and as a friend or more but is jjust afraid of relationships or comittment.
Or if you are more of the cynical type it could mean he'd just not that into you, maybe he's using you for companionship.
He's options are still open.
He doesn't want to hurt you by going inot a deep, serious relationship but unkowing is hurting you and himself. he's stupid, ignorant and confused.
It is your choice to forgive or leave him.
Thanks for asking that question.
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2007-01-28 01:23:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age wasn't mentioned here, so maybe if he's not yet financially stable he wants more time to get established in order to be able to provide a good life for his future wife. Sometimes men need more time to make up their minds. Not all of us jump at the chance to marry early in life.
Trends are such that many people are waiting ever longer to get married.
2007-01-28 01:20:55 · answer #7 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what he saying is that he needs time, and he is content with the way he is living. and he does care about you. but not to get married. now. give him that much. at least he still wants to be with you and be happy at that. he is not breaking it off. one day he might change his mind, but it has to be up to him. and if you can't accept his terms, then I think you should just move on with out him. good luck.
2007-01-28 01:20:06 · answer #8 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a girls point of veiw. He likes you alot but he dosent want to be serious and he doesnt want anyone else to have you either. You are going to have to decide if your willing to wait untill he "changes" his mind. I would leave him though. Its sounds almost like you are auditiong for a role in a play. That isnt right. You seem to want something he doesnt want to give you.
2007-01-28 01:36:49 · answer #9 · answered by SWEETCAITY 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop buggin the dude he just wants his own space he not ready for fulltime relationship dont mean he doesnt love you now to in love is a whole different thing its like the word freinds its really deep and real men dont throw it around like that... but if he loves to spend time with you he is in love with you just doesnt want to admit it maybe he been hurt before and wants to avoid that **** to happen again guys put up a front but we take heartbreak harder than girls. and living together is a big step so dont rush it if you really love him
2007-01-28 01:21:52 · answer #10 · answered by paul lee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋