when can i tell my daughter that we're only 2nd family of her dad?

Question

i'm a single mom, i got pregnant by a married man. my daughter is now 4 years old. she's starting to ask why her dad is not living with us. her dad lives far from us and we don't have constant communication. i don't wanna lie to my daughter. she is so vulnerable. i'm so worried that if i tell her the truth, it will greatly affect her emotionally. is it okay to tell her now that her dad has his own family? when is the right time to tell her? i mean, generally, the right age?

Answer 1

I found it best to be as truth full as possible without painting a bad picture of the other parent, but i would suggest you talk to someone from young minds. They are a free organization that can help you understand and deal with what your daughter is feeling.
They have a website as well www.youngminds.org.uk
good luck

Answer 2

Going on personal experience here, I'd advise you to wait a couple of years before you tell her the entire story. She'll have questions and they need to be answered truthfully.

I am the product of a similar situation. My mother and her family had told me a particular person was my father. I even met this person when i was 9 and again at age 19.

It was through DNA testing that i learned that this man whom everyone had told me was my father was not my father at all.

So i started doing family history research on my family gathing photo's from grand parents etc. My mother had passed away and i acquired all her papers and photo's. I learned who my real father was by reading old letters and finding photo's of me as a baby less than a year old being held by him with inscriptions on the back of the photo's.

I located my father in a cemetery. He'd died 25 years ago. I'd actually met this man on several occassions and he never said anything. He had son's & daughters my age and was married to the same woman all his life. My mother was his mistress.

So always tell the truth it's important.

Answer 3

Now we see what the consequences of our choices do to not only us but our children.You have to tell her he lives some place else and then you will have to deal with her always sounding sad because she is being denied what every child thinks is their birth right ,two parents under one roof.Never lie to her ,this will only cause problems later,just tell her as much truth as you can a little at a time and please don't make this choice again for your choice to be with this man is not only hurting the child,it hurts you as well and for that I am sorry.

Answer 4

Well the sins of the father and in this case also the mother certainly visit the child. Your child will not be ready for the info that you and father were cheating until teenager. As far as now, she is not ready and the rea;ity you present to her is what she considers normal. Just tell her that daddy doesnt live with us he lives with this lady named ---- and a coupld of cool kids named --- and ------. always speak hightly of them to her . You can not trash them without tarashing her.

when you marry, marry a man who accepts her as his daughter not just yours. My stepdad never did anythig with me. He felt guilt about his own children so there ya go. My father came every other weekend. But that is just not enough. If the man you marry is not willing to be a father, then your emotional abusing child. It will do damage.

Good luck, dont date anymore married men. This what they do.

Answer 5

I would suggest that the earlier you can tell her the better it will be for her to deal with it and it will seem perfectly normal to her after a while. Just be careful that she knows that she isn't the reason that her father doesn't live there and be careful not to bad mouth him to her no matter how you may feel about him. When she gets older she will make up her own mind about him!

Answer 6

She's currently to young to understand the truth but don't make up a lie that will be hard to fix later..Let her know who her father is and that he lives far away..

Answer 7

don't lie to her. telling the truth is best even if it hurts. you just need to explain to her that it just was't right for yop and him. lying to her will cause more damage than the truth. make sure your always there to support her and counsol her. Good luck, I'm praying for ya both!

Answer 8

invite the dad over and sit down and talk wit ur daughter because she should know