Dooes my son really have no friends?

Question

He is such a nervous little boy, and i have spoken to a child psycologist, who suggested that i invite 1 child a week back to our house for tea. I thought this was a great idea, but when i suggested it to him, he told me that he has no friends at school, never plays with anyone, and that no-one likes him. I am not sure whether to believe him, because when i help out in his classroom as a parent helper, he seems well liked, but i am not sure if thats coz i am there, and the other kids feel like they have to be nice to him. When we go out shopping, and bump into kids from school, they always say hello to him, so why does he tell me that he had no friends? How can i do what the psycologist said, if i dont know who his friends are?

He is 7 years old

Answer 1

Ask him who he'd like to be friends with, and start by asking that child back first. Ask the same child two or three times if necessary before branching out to another child, to give your child time to build a little confidence.

Alternatively, organise a party and invite the whole class. Arrange activities that will break the class into different groups and get lots of team stuff going. Micromanage it a little, so as to encourage interaction with every child in the class with your child, but no pressure/performance situations. Make it fun and slightly ridiculous, so there's no competetiveness.

Don't pressure your son into being friends with anyone - he'll sense your dismay at his inability to mix, and might perceive it as disappointment in him. Friends will come and go over the years, he'll be fine, school is a time when he'll develop his social skills at his own rate, without prompting. Give him a chance. He may never be the life and soul of the party, but he'll form lasting friendships on his own terms, I've no doubt.

Develop his interests outside of school, to help him discover his own likes and dislikes, so that he has a strong sense of who he is - help him understand that you know how important and valuable he is, and help him to learn that for himself. Having confidence in himself is the first step to socialising, and you can work on that at home all the time.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Don't worry about this. We went through this with my son. We just realized that every kid is different, and some kids are just less social than others. Doesn't mean they are "anti-social", but some kids just need other kids to hang on to, and hang with. It's actually a good quality because they are more independent. However, if it is bothering your son, that is where you stepping in can help. Arrange playdates for your son, see how that works. Him thinking that no one likes him is the worst of it, you need to talk to him about this and try to find out from him why he thinks it is this way. Really only he can answer this, and together maybe he can come up with some solutions. The only thing I will caution about, is make sure he is not being bullied at school - and, that he is not being a bully. It could go either way.

Answer 3

Actually, lets view it in the view of your son. I remember when I was young I used to hang ard a lot with my friends and alway invite them to my house to play. You can encourage your child to bring home his friends to play or study together. If he really have friend then he sure would invite them over. If he doesn't mean really he have difficulty in hanging with friends. Observe his behaviour and attidue after he come home from school. Young children show their feeling easily.

The reason why he bump into his friends they say hello to him but he told you that he got no friends maybe is because he doesn't regard them as a true friends even they treat him as one. It must not be true that he was not liked by the other but is he himself think that he is not popular only. If you have the time to go as a parent help again ask from his classmate about how he is doing in school or you can approach his teacher.

What I suggest is during his next birthday hold a party at your house and invite all his classmate and his teacher for the party and during that time observe who talks to him and who he talks to. See whether if he is enjoying himself.. That might be one way to know who is "friends" are..

Answer 4

I would talk to the teacher for a few minutes and find out how he is interacting in class when you are not there. It could simply be that he's more shy and is just a little afraid of a 1-1 playdate. My daughter has to be pushed somewhat but then after the fact she's always glad she had the playdate. Just make sure it is a child with the same interests. i.e. my daughter is not a girly girl and the playdates with girls who just wanted to play Barbie were a disaster. Good Luck and you obviously are a caring mother to be doing so much research.

Answer 5

Is there a way you can monitor his involvement without his knowing? Perhaps peek through the window during class, or visit the school during his recess period. Stay in the shadows, or get permission to observe from an empty classroom. Also, speak with his teacher about this. Perhaps s/he can offer advice or ease your mind a bit. Best of luck! It has been my experience that most 7-year olds are resilient and quite friendly, so he may just be looking for added "Mommy Time".

Answer 6

It sounds like this is a matter of perception. I think you son perceives that he doesn't have any friends because perhaps he sees the kids in his class hanging out after school and he isn't getting invites because he's so shy. I think you definitely need to talk to the teacher about how he gets along with others, and if there is a particular student that your son talks to more than others. Perhaps if there is another shy student in the class, your son could "get over" his fear of rejection and ask that person to play after school sometime - that would certainly be a HUGE ego boost.

Answer 7

i dont have kids myself but plenty of nieces and nephews. They are all different in their own ways. I would speak to his teacher explain the situation and get them to do some kind of monitoring.Also whens his next birthday ? do him a suprise party and invite lots of kids.If his birthday is not before easter then have a easter egg party like where they have to follow clues to find the big suprise. That would be fun for everyone even do it in a themed way like whatever he is into at the moment.You sound like a good mother and i know it could be alot of work etc.parties but at least its a chance for him to be with other children and maybe even make some friends if he really hasnt got any. But dont worry too much hun. Goodluck

Answer 8

Talk to his teacher, see who he is closest too and go from there.
There is a girl on our street who is painfully quiet. All the kids play outside but not her. It was not until this past fall she started to "come around" While she now plays outside with the kids, she is still quiet. I have to wonder if there is another problem not mentioned...You took him to a psycologist because he is nervous? Or is there another underlining problem?

Answer 9

It is deeply important for your child to interact. This MUST be done on his own terms as he needs to build confidence. However, there is some guidance can be given. Is your partner recently absent? If so this will have an affect.
If you have friends with kids, organise a day out with them. the kids will all interact and his confidence will build.
This is, of course, that he is genuinely alone and not looking for attention due to a perceived threat that he may lose you.

xxB

Answer 10

Why not give the teacher a call. Ask her if there is anyone in particular he gets a long with and invite that kid over.

If there are any clubs or sports he can join that might help too. Even at the school.