I just got out of a terribly emotional and verbally abusive relationship[....my x made me feel so bad about myself that I couldn't even talk to people...2-3 months after we split, I've made a new "friend". He is only 20, is broke and is a thug. He makes me feel good though, like is he a therapy to help get over, or is this going 2 make things worse? I pay 4 everything (usually) and that is kind of getting on my nerves. But, on the other hand, he makes me smile and he is so frickin hot! RRRAAAARRRRGHHHHHH
2007-01-27 22:59:59 · 14 answers · asked by lazy_n_spoiled 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow all you guys r so great, I really am having a hard time right now..I was doin a lot of rugs too 4 a min, weed (not so bad) and coke (bad) but I'm getting it together. Thank you all so much for your support n kind words. I was with my abuser for a little over 10 years, it is just going 2 take time 2 heal (my thug is now just my friend, who I'm 2 busy 2 spend time with now, I'm throwing myself into work). Thanks again
2007-01-29 05:53:42 · update #1
i think you are a loooser!
paying for everything just B/C he is hot?!
huh
2007-01-27 23:10:46 · answer #1 · answered by M*K*H 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
this might seem difficult to you, but from an outside perspective it's pretty clear cut. the way you describe him (broke, thug) tells me that there's no long term potential in it. sure, he's hot and you have a good time, that should be enough, shouldn't it?
well that's what you have to ask yourself. if you feel that it can go somewhere the first thing you have to do is resolve the you-alwalys-paying niggle. speak to him about it. if he gives you a story then you should know right then and there that things will never change.
but there's also the chance that, by investing yourself in this new "friend" you're setting yourself up for a great big belly flop on your heart. but who knows, maybe it'll work out, probably can't but I've seen smaller miracles in the kitchen sink. if you want to give it a go (you don't, not really, remember the way you described him?) then give it everything you've got. it's disheartening being emotionally hurt, but it makes out hearts bigger, more sensitive...and most of all we learn from every scar.
life is one giant subject. every moment, every interaction is a lesson. we learn through our mistakes because we are human. but don't make the same mistake twice. you do that and you'll be bitter to the point on giving up on guys altogether.
hope i helped , if not I'm sorry - it's early and by brain doesn't start it's shift until about four.
cheers
2007-01-28 07:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by gogs 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not a loser. What you are doing is very comman. You just got out of a relationship that was very very harmful and hurtful. So now you are autamatically drawn to some one that is "safe". In other words. You are the hero of the relationship.. You pay for things.. You take care of him.. In some ways it is therapy for you. The danger is that you will get used to this and always look for guys that you can take care of.. Understanding what is happening is important. You have to know that you are worth something even though you were hurt badly emotionally. At the same time it might be hard to convince yourself to trust yourself to have another relationship with some one that is more on the same responsibility level as you because you are scared of the hurt and rejection that you might face.. I think that you need to face your hurts.. It does sound like you are already doing this.. You also need to think about what you want in your future.. Do you want kids, if so what kind of man do you want to be the father of your kids.. You are not a loser, you are just hurting... I really do wish you the best of luck! Just remember to give yourself time to heal... And do not be afraid in the future, when you are ready to go for a guy that is on the same "page" as you responsibility wise... I think you are going to be okay.. I really wish you the best in life! Keep your head up! Arrividerci
2007-01-28 07:09:18 · answer #3 · answered by caleb d 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So the new boyfriend is a "thug"??
There are plenty of guys out there and hot guys too that aren't thugs.
No,you're not a loser.Nobody is a loser.
What you are is debasing yourself and you need to look at your self esteem.
Going out with a thug says as much about you as it does him.That;s not me being nasty to you.It's a wake up call.
Find yourself a nice decent guy who'll give you a proper loving relationship.The sex will be just as good if not better-believe me.
Remember you are not a loser.You're just one of those who is fond of pressing the button marked "Self destruct"
2007-01-28 08:21:53 · answer #4 · answered by bearbrain 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you are a total loser --yet-- but your men certainly are.
A penniless young thug. It PAYS him to be hot! Smiles cannot be that hard to come by!
You need to be on your own for a while and figure out why you think you are not good enough for a decent man and a good relationship.
2007-01-28 07:22:45 · answer #5 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once you finally GROW UP, you're gonna see that Looks ain't gonna get you to The Finish Line. You're gonna start looking for a Heart. That's gonna be beating, just for you. That's when you're gonna know what Love means. The feeling of being Special and Respected. You can try out my Theory, by starting to look today.
2007-01-28 07:11:42 · answer #6 · answered by Goggles 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He might not make things worst but he will make them expensive and his looks shouldnt be paid for if he really likes you, to me I think that hes takin advantage of your vulnerability and cashing in. I tell you what before you go on your next date tell him your broke and if he says hes broke too, well I got news for you take your money and run because hes only lookin for a free ride. If you do stay you will be making things worst for yourself because he'll get use to not paying and never pay.
2007-01-28 07:11:23 · answer #7 · answered by bigboi_94 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he us making you pay for everything, that is a red flag!! It's great that he makes you feel good about yourself, but just don't let him take advantage of you--or you may end up not liking him in the end too!! Good luck!!
2007-01-28 08:01:58 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Sodas♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've dated the thug type and they can be so sweet. However, he will never change to be what you want. I would leave now before you get even more attached.
2007-01-28 08:15:34 · answer #9 · answered by Jaq 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, hun, you're not a loser. You're just falling for losers. You have to break this cycle now. It's far better to be on your own then with azzholes who are going to use and/or abuse you. Believe me, I've been there before.
2007-01-28 08:33:57 · answer #10 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Look it up.
2007-01-28 07:23:14 · answer #11 · answered by Iron What? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋