i need to let go of my family... to stop seeing them and talking to them on a regular basis, and some family members need to be out of my life totally. They are harming me and my family mentally and emotionally. They are very toxic to me and it is affecting my kids. Why is it so hard to let them go. I feel so obligated to them...
2007-01-27 21:58:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is hard because you place loyalty above all else.
Once you realize your paradigm, acknowledge it and commit to letting it go, then you will be free.
If your kids are "your world", then you will do whatever it takes to keep them away from "toxic" people.
That means you will not place "loyalty" above your "own flesh and blood".
Once you place "loyalty" and "tradition" on a higher rung of the ladder of life than what is best for you and your children, you subject yourself and your children to unnecessary bondage, torture, drama, and servitude.
Letting go is the easy part. Removing decades of brainwashing, however, is a harder task.
2007-01-28 01:42:14 · answer #1 · answered by DaMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question.You feel "obligated" to them or guilty if you dont want to be around them. This is so hard for many reasons.I am going through this as well,it can completely drain you of your energy,your happiness and your life,if you let it.Parents and family members are always the ones that put guilt trips on you ,but if they are harming you and your children mentally or physically ,then you are completely entitled to your choices for what is best . Ive heard people say (in reguards to children)," Oh, they need a network of family to make them secure,You are only hurting them with all this upset". Bulls---!!!!It is more unhealthy and damaging to them and to you to continue to deal with them .Only you know the answer to this .I recently cut off all contact with my so called mother.The fighting and tension of old and new issues was unbearable. My son could feel it.Now we are alone but so much more at peace. Yes, it sometimes hurts a little because these people you have known for a very long time.But its time to finally be free! ALANNA
2007-01-28 06:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately we are born 'into' a family and we aren't able to 'choose' them. If a person had that choice, more often than not we would opt to not choose certain family members. Since we are born into a family the ties run deeper than blood. An emotional tie is stronger than a genetic tie. And too, we are all creatures of habit. There are many things in our lives that we all continue to do even though we know that these things are/might be harmful to us (smoking, over-eating, drinking, drugs, etc). Does that discourage us or make us stop? No, in most cases it does not. You continue to allow your extended family into your personal space because it is what feels 'normal' to you. Have you thought about seeking counseling? You don't mention the number of family members involved. Would a move to another town/state be an option? Best of luck to you.
2007-01-28 06:23:10 · answer #3 · answered by leesie43@sbcglobal.net 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all have been there at some point in our live. Obligated out of quilt or love? You owe them nothing. What ever their issues or situations are theirs. Your family are your children and they no matter what come first, and if they are threaten, put in harms way or being effect by anyone or anything, it is your duty and responsibility to take out, shut down, or destroy what ever is causing them any pain. That is your only obligation. Protect what is yours! Don't give another thought about what others think and don't allow them to make you feel you are wrong. Take the power back and do the right thing. Protect your CHILDREN, your FAMILY
2007-01-28 06:17:22 · answer #4 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're only obligated to yourself and the family you've made.
You can't choose the family you're born into, but now that you're an adult, you can certainly choose who you're going to be around.
I totally understand what its like to be around toxic people who happen to be your relatives. Its okay to excuse yourself from the madness. Of course its hard to let go of people your life has been entwined with theirs for so long, they are extensions of you. You don't have to disown anyone, but you don't have to be available to them either.
Do whats best for you and your family. Try to look at your other relatives as eccentric, accept that you don't get along with them and focus on whats in front of you. Don't worry about what you can't change, change what you can and be make peace with your choice. Be happy and enjoy the family you love!
Good luck!
2007-01-28 06:12:48 · answer #5 · answered by Renny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We never grow up do we? We only live our lives once and
it is so hard to do the right thing. Tell your family how you feel
about them. Also tell them that your children need you and you have to spend more time with them. You can only make the
changes yourself. If you still show that you care for them you
should not feel guilty about not seeing them all the time. For
your own sake and those of your children you have got to MAKE
the decision to break away a little. If they are harming you as
much as you say they are ask for outside help if you can. If
you can,t do it yourself - someone else could talk to them. That
is if they will listen.
2007-01-28 07:00:22 · answer #6 · answered by Minxy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A family can be the most toxic of all since they've raised you and they know you maybe better than yourself. They know all your weaknesses and if they are not good persons, they can manipulate you in the most rude way. I am not an American so I am not intoxicated with the movie propaganda "family is the most important". You should escape or solve in some way any kind of abusive behavior from your family. See about definition of "toxicity" you are speaking about (as I understood) at http://www.thisisawar.com/AbuseEmotional.htm
2007-01-28 06:49:28 · answer #7 · answered by Wintermute 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your obligation could be that you want a family. Since you did not state what they have done I can only guess.Children have small eyes and ears and they are in tune to their surroundings. You would be surprised to know what they see and hear. You do not have to let them go all together. You can step back from the worse ones first. Tell them how you feel then tell them what you know longer will accept and if they cannot respect that tell them they are no longer wanted in your life since they are hurting you. Be honest. Sure they will make you feel guilty but if what your saying is true then let them know. Maybe they will stop ..if not then you walk if not for you then for your children.
2007-01-28 06:05:57 · answer #8 · answered by fdebbie2002 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Even if you hate them, you love them as well, cause they are your family, you are used to them. It is not easy to let go of ones family for anyone. But if it is really necessary for you and your kids then think that you are doing thid for the best for your kids you are responsible for.
2007-01-28 06:07:58 · answer #9 · answered by pellmell 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
because you want that close family... you picture the family around the table laughing, having fun, having drinks.. you want that.. adn you are letting go of the closest thing to that that you have because it is hurrting you. It is conflicting
2007-01-28 06:35:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋