My 13 year old son has a crush on me (his mom)?

Question

I have adopted a boy 1 year ago when he was 12 years old. I am a 24 year old who his adopted mom and I have a big feeling he has some kind of thing going on with me.

At night he comes into my bed with me and says he had nightmares, or he couldnt sleep, and thats every night, when I am applying lotion on myself after baths and showers he will kind of say his skin is very itchy and dry, and kind of convinces me to put lotion on him, his arms, legs, ect and thats almost every day.

its actually very weird, but I really need some advice of what I should do. I do admit his skin is very dry (so i figure I will use lotion on him anyways) but what am I supposed to do?

what i mean as in nightmares, I know he is not scared of this because he was a troubled kid in the past, lived in the bronx of new york, and what I mean as in he says he has nightmares, he actually wants to SLEEP with me. He actually WANTS me to apply lotion on him, I asked if he wants to do it himself, but he said I can do it. That is what I mean.

Answer 1

I think at age 13, he is very capable of learning to apply lotion to his own body. Perhaps you should suggest he do it himself and circumvent any potential attraction, if it is indeed that.

Also, at age 13, unless he has had a very troubled past, should be capable of sleeping in his own bed and dealing with nightmares.

Maybe you should talk with him one on one and with no distractions?

Good luck!

UPDATE: by reading through your other questions, I'd say you may have lotion on the brain. Is posting weird lotion questions your way of entertaining yourself? How often does your adopted child have a birthday anyway? 3 times a year?

Answer 2

first of all take him back to his bed and reassure him it's okay then leave. Second. He is old enough to put on his own lotion. You are encouraging the poor boy who has not probably had a stable female influence in his life and is confused now. Take him to counselling so he can be helped. But while you are there it may be a good idea for you to get some help for yourself on your obsession with lotion. I would like every one to have a look at her questions, just click on her avatar and look at her asked questions.. You have a husband with dry skin and lotion problems, you have a boyfriend with dry skin and lotion problems, you have an 11 year old ,also a 6 and 9 year old(remember that question about your 2 KIDS AGES 6 AND9), then a 12 year old and now a 13 year old adopted son with dry skin and lotion problems. You have asked 21 questions about dry skin and lotion and now this one. Get yourself some help

Answer 3

I am troubled by what you have said, first off, I find it hard to believe that a 24 year old could adopt a 12 year old boy and it sounds like an unhealthy match. At his age he is going through some tough changes and needs strong boundaries and guidance and with what you have said, sounds like you have overstepped them boundaries and it would be hard to deal with him without professional help. You have to be honest with yourself, a counselor and authorities before this esculates into something that you will regret later. Call a Mental health service and both of you need to get help. It maybe wise that your return the boy to state custody. I don't believe it's a good match in any way.

Answer 4

Why are you over stepping your boundaries? No mother should be applying lotion to a 13 year old boy if he can do it himself. I also find it hard to believe that a 23 year old women was able to adopt a 12 year old boy.

Answer 5

He's certainly old enough to put lotion on himself AND to respect your privacy in your bedroom when you are putting on lotion. He could easily be confused and perceive you putting the lotion on him as erotic. For heaven's sake keep him out of your bed. That's so inappropriate.

Answer 6

to have a crush means that there is a physical attraction. he may not be attracted to you but rather looking for human affection. since he's adopted he is going through a transition. by asking to sleep in your room may give him a feeling of security. he may be having feelings of abandonment and to have you close to him may help him feel safe knowing your there and not leaving him. i would maybe talk to a therapist if you think it may help you all in trying to find out the root problems.
as far as the lotion, if he does have dry skin then it may make him feel better. i started giving my daughters baby massages when they were a few months old, now at three when they are having a "stressful or out of sorts day" we often rub lotion on their backs. it relives the tension and helps to calm them. this may also make him feel connected to you. human touch is often calming, such as a hug or a pat on the back. i would think that his feelings arent of a sexual nature but rather one of wanting to feel accepted and secure.

Answer 7

He wabts to be motered and pameper if you uphappy guve him up to an unattractive very old lady, no crushes there, my biological son 6 yr has a crush onme he wants to be a my boyfienw I laugh what a olayer

Answer 8

you sound like you can 'sense' when he is crossing over that boundry.. refuse it by being honest. Say, well that would be inapporpiate.. instead I'll buy you your own lotion to put on yourself. Or 'that would be inappropriate since I am your mom... you need to sleep in your own bed and tomorrow I'll buy you a night light'

Answer 9

Why is he in your room after your bath or shower? Why are YOU putting lotion on him? What you are SUPPOSED to do is lock your bathroom door when you are in there and lock your bedroom door as well when you are just out of a shower. If he wants lotion then purchase him his OWN bottle of lotion and let HIM apply it to himself. (Whatever happened to common sense?)

Answer 10

Give him the lotion, let him put it on himself. If he's got a crush, you should avoid all physical contact.