I gave my mother diamond earrings for her birthay. It took me an hour to pick them out, and about $400 to walk out of the store with them. Gift wrapped, bought insurance for them, etc. You should have seen her face when I presented them to her; you'd have thought I gave her a pair of glow-in-the-dark flip-flops or something. Her reaction was soo blah. "They're fine" she says. She doesn't like them, but doesn't want to exchange them. Her reacion really hurt my feelings. Should I say something about it?
2007-01-27 20:45:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I know how you feel, I never bought a present for my mother that she liked. Even when I was an adult, and could spend bigger bucks, she still did not like them.
Heavens, I would take her to the store, make her tell me some things she wanted, and sneak back and buy some. Even that did not work. I never knew why she was displeased with them, I knew why she was alawys displeased with me. I was not the cute little girl she wanted, she wanted the neighbor girl for a daughter. .
So, does your Mom have an issue about diamond earrings, or is she upset about you? You won't know until you ask. Maybe somebody in her past that she wants to forget gave her diamonds, or maybe she is upset because she could never afford to give you expensive presents when you were growing up, or she is jealous of that fact. Your decision, if you want to open that can of worms, or not. I would, if it were me, and I did. With the purse. "You told me you liked and wanted that purse, why did you tell me you did?" I've long forgotten that excuse, I do remember that it was lame.
Give her the receipt, tell her to take them back if she wants.
Here is my humble attempt to try and cheer you up: You can come be my daughter, and bring the earrings with you! LOL. PS, if you gave me the glow in the dark flip flops, I'd like them, too, because they are from my daughter, but don't forget the diamonds!
2007-01-28 02:10:00 · answer #1 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's great to say you shouldn't expect gratitude like someone above said, but you already knew that and that advice doesn't help. This was your mom.
You also know that people shouldn't convey disappointment when receiving a gift. Again, this is your mom.
The reason your hurt isn't so much because she didn't like the diamonds - it's that you respect her so much you put the effort and expense to get your mom a nice gift, and she had so little respect for you that she made no effort to hide her ambivalence. That's why you're hurt, and you have a right to be hurt. She's your mom.
Now if you talk to her, be sure to point out WHY you're hurt - that she should have taken care to hide her disappointment. But it won't work. Fundamentally your mom disrespects you. My dad does that sometimes, and it can't be helped. They see you as you were when you were 6, and that will never change. In effect, she will never treat you like an adult.
And in a way that's OK. At some level you have to give them that latitude. Her reaction was not kind and not nice but pointing out her disrespect will only go to reminding her you are an adult, and for several reasons that might hurt her in a subconscious way. So suck it up. She's your mom. YOU know what you did for her, and at some level so does she. Give her the receipt and tell her to go get herself something that she really wants. Give her a hug and resign yourself that her outlook will never change, but that she's still your one and only mom and she still deserves your love and respect.
2007-01-27 22:03:07 · answer #2 · answered by ZenPenguin 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
do no longer forget approximately him thoroughly. only call him or textual content textile him saying which you're grateful yet you're basically accepting as a pal and not something greater. And that if he could proceed sending presents or messages, it is going to likely be from a friendship attitude and not something greater. If that's no longer the case the subsequent time he sends you, then you certainly can forget approximately him and alter your huge variety and and so on. for the reason that's stalker status outstanding there LOL! solid success and function a satisfied Thanksgiving!
2016-12-16 15:24:43 · answer #3 · answered by hayakawa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not respond negatively, just learn before hand what her likes and dislikes are. You cannot give someone something that you like and expect her to like it....She is being diplomatic and will probably wear them at some point. By the way, maybe she really does like them...for an expensive present, make sure that she/he has made mention of something that they would like, if not, give something SHE won't feel bad saying that a return for something different or keep your money back to you won't be hard on her...she would know you spent your time, effort and money in this decision.
2007-01-27 23:08:33 · answer #4 · answered by basport_2000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, don't say anything. Just learn from it. Don't give anything expensive to anyone unless you are sure they are going to like. If you want to spend alot on a gift, ask them what they would like - be specific. If you are not 100% sure they will like it, it's better to give cash or a gift certificate. Everyone likes cash. Expensive surprises can really backfire. Since your mom won't exchange them, she is considering your feelings and doesn't want to hurt you. She is just really bad at hiding her emotions. It probably hurt her for you to see her reaction, but she can't help what she likes. There is no fault in that. Hopefully she at least tried to play it off. Gift giving sucks that way. I try to let people know what I want, so I don't get a bad surprise. Even an inexpensive gift can hurt feelings if it not recieved well. We all should try to put on a good show, but some of us are not that good at it. If you want to give someone a really expensive gift, I find nice to go shopping first and find out to thier reaction to specific "what if" items.
Here's a good story. When my daughter was five, I took her to the mall for christmas shopping. She was very excited to buy stuff for everybody, because she loved to please everyone. I knew she wanted to see the joy on thier faces when they opened thier gifts. I also knew that I wasn't about to let her down when I opened my gift from her. So, I was also shopping for myself. I really needed a new watch, so when we went by the jewelery store we popped in and started browsing. I looked at the watched and casually said, "You know, If I got a new watch, I think I would get this one, or maybe this one, but I really like that one." We only got about ten feet from the store, and Mikaela turned and to me, and said "Daddy, can I have some money to buy your present?" I said, "Sure honey, how much do you need?". She replied, "Hold on. Wait right here and I'll check." Of course, she went right into the jewelry store and asked the sales lady, while I kept a subtle eye on her to make sure she was safe. Then she comes out with a dissapointed look on her face and says "Oh, man, it's a lot more expensive than I thought it would be." So, I replied, "Well, how much is it?" She says "One hundred and seventy dollars." (It was so cute. as if that was more money that she had ever imagined - it might as well had been a million dollars to her) Of course, I said, "Oh that's not a problem honey, here's enough to cover the tax, too. Make sure they count your change back." She came out of the store with a wrapped up box, grinning from ear to ear, knowing she had bought her daddy the best the gift in the whole wide world. "And it comes with chocolate, too!", she was quick to point out. The next day I was sitting around and I mentioned that I sure needed a needed a new watch, just to ham it up for her. She grabs me by the the arm and firmly looked into my eyes, "Dad! Don't get a new watch until after Christmas!" It was the cutest thing ever, she was so excited to watch me open the gift. It was easy to act surprised, and it was easy to say it was just what I always wanted.
So, if you really want to please someone, do them a favor and teach them how to tell you what they really want. Also, when someone asks you what you want, tell them something that you really want. Don't make them guess. A gift doesn't have to be a surprise to be truly enjoyed. Take care. Live and Love it Up!
2007-01-27 21:57:16 · answer #5 · answered by Logic_is_Da_Bomb 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This reminds me of my mother. For as long as I can remember, she has reacted this same way to just about everything Ive ever given her. I understand why its so hurtful to you. If shes insistant that she doesnt want to exchange them, then leave it alone and dont say anything more about it. Then, for her birthday next year, get her a pair of glow in the dark flip flops. ;P
2007-01-27 23:19:57 · answer #6 · answered by JC 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just love Your Mother, In your mind Forgive her for her reaction. You know she isn't trying to hurt your feelings on purpose.
as for pestering her about not liking them or trying to get her to exchange them for something else. Are you Trying to make her feel bad or Guilty? She already has said she is keeping them so drop the subject. Next time don't try to surprise her with something but ask what she wants.
You don't know whats going through her mind with those diamonds. If one of my kids gave me any kind of diamond I might have had the same reaction as your mother and the thought on my mind would be something like shes spending money on me why isnt she saving money to put a down payment on her own home or to put her child through college.
But i'd want to keep them just as much as i keep the crayon drawing of the family holding hands Because its a reminder that my kid loves me enough to think about me.
2007-01-27 21:43:32 · answer #7 · answered by Syberian 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Talk to people you know are close to her. Talk to her best friend. Tell him/her of your predicament. Ask their advice on a more suitable gift. Then, talk with your mother. Offer to exchange the earrings for a gift she would prefer. Take her with you to pick out the new gift.
My mother is very difficult to buy presents for, as well. Because she is very close with my sister, I always run the gift ideas past my sister first BEFORE I spend the money.
2007-01-27 21:04:50 · answer #8 · answered by Rawstuff 007 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People who expect gratitude are always disappointed.
You did the best you could.
Your mom obviously does not understand the value of the gift or the effort and love you invested.
She just sees it differently than you, that's all.
It is natural for you to feel a little hurt and resentful, but what can you say about it?
Speaking up may cause tension, division, or strife.
You did good. Acknowledge that and then move on.
Feel good in your heart that you gave your mom a lovely gift.
♥
2007-01-27 20:59:00 · answer #9 · answered by Hello Kitty 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Please give your mother the receipt, and ask her to make the exchange.
Then the ball is in your mother's court in making the decision in how she want to handle her gift.
Don't ever go into a discussion about this again.
If your mother made the exchange, she will let you know. And you need to be happy about this because your mother selected what she really adorns.
For next time, give your mother a gift certificate to her favorite store or her favorite mall.
2007-01-27 20:51:51 · answer #10 · answered by SweetBrunette 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋