A Very hard and scarey question to ask?

Question

I was adopted at 2. I have 3 brotheres. At age 11, brother who's 2 years older, started molesting me. He attacked me one day in my older brother's room and tried taking my clothes off and tried prying my legs apart. I screamed no and to get off. I got away, but never told my parents or anyone else. I think he used to sneak into my room and molest me at night, too. Never told anyone and repressed those memories until 4 yrs ago when they came back all at once. Told my husband. Went into therapy sessions for 6 months. Was strong enough to call my brother and confront him. He told me he didn't remember doing anything and denied it all. I got stern and told him I was going to tell everyone, then, to see how he'd like that. His voice got shakey and he said NO. He then tried blaming ME for not coming forward after all this. That's when I told him I was hanging up the phone and to call me when he was ready to be a man and admit it. That was 3.5 yrs ago. Still no call or word.HELP

Answer 1

the man has the problem and i believe you should contact any authoroty that you feel comfortable with. He could still be doing this. If you don't speak up he may continuine to do this to someone else. People who take advantage of others never get better w/o help. In fact they could get worse and others need to be safe. I know this is a big responsibility and won't be easy but what is easier warning others or feeling guilty once you find out he is continue this behavior and is abusing other people, women childrenetc. You will feel guilty that you didn't try to stop it. If you report and follow through you have done what you can do. BElieve me the guilt of letting someone else get abused w/o trying to help is very hard speaking from experience. It will be hard now, but later you will feel better getting an abuser in the open where it will be harder for them to abuse another person.

You cannot although blame yourself. You were the victim, no means no along with the fact that you were young and taken advantage of. Once you have reported him and warned other you have then validated your feelings and concerns from others and have put the problem/solution/abuser into someone elses hands then you can then begin your new life....You have done what you could, you gave him a chance to own up to his behavior, he did not take responsibility and will probably continue behavior if he has been getting away with it so long.

God be with you through this tough journey, and so that you know God will never give you anything you can't handle. You are strong if yo know it or not....Please free your mind and guilt!

Answer 2

I don't really know what your question is, but you did the right thing and a brave thing by confronting him. There is a 99.9 chance your brother will NEVER admit to what he did to you. His blaming you is probably the closest he will ever come to admitting that he did it.

And by the way, I am absolutely APPALLED at the people here telling you that you should have said something "earlier". That is total BS. You were a child and this is in NO WAY your fault. Obviously, you were repressing what was happening, were embarassed, or you were afraid of being punished in some way for telling.

If you want to tell your parents, do so, but understand that they may deny what happened as well (hopefully not, but denial is big incases of molestation). You also need to continue therapy. Sic months is not long enough. Keep in mind that being molested is not something you will ever get over completely. It is something you have to learn to live with, one day at a time. Some days will be like nothing ever happened, and some days will be a slap in the face. Remeber that it is NOT your fault, and that there are people out there who love you and who you can trust.

Answer 3

I was molested too, by a queer, so you can imagine the trauma I felt and still feel. You never get over it, but to help you maybe, I would NEVER speak to him EVER again. I find that when I see the person who did that crap to me, I get really upset. Hearing his voice angers me.

I do not know the law in this regard, but for me, punishing him does not help me. I just want to never think of it again, but I do't mind trying to help others to forget about their problems.

I hope this helps some.

NOTE: I told on him some years later, and on top of the pain, about half the people who found out, didn't believe me. That is adding insult to injury. That is why I say to walk away from it. If however, you feel that you will have a lot of support, well, it may be best to tell. And I agree with that one person who said if he is in the position to hurt other children, you need to do something.

Answer 4

If you havent heard from him, then it is probably because either he isnt ready to admit to it, or he is trying to forget it all. this isnt fair to you though...why should he be able to forget but at the same time you have to live with it for your entire life? it just doesnt seem right to me. i know how you feel though, it wasnt a brother, but a family friend. all you want is an explanation...to fill in the blanks of what you dont remember but they wont give it to you, all they can do is deny that it ever happened, but that only makes it worse. I feel so bad that you, and anyone else for that matter, had to go through this, but remember my dear...you are not alone. there are so many people who stand behind you and are on your side even though you dont know who we are. NOTHING is your fault...nothing at all, so there is no reason to feel like you have any fault in this. The reason why he blames you is because he is too afraid to take the blame himself.

i wish you the best of luck in everything!

Answer 5

Sometimes we feel "crazy" because we are not validated.
You know what you know, you feel what you feel. Sometimes we have to "heal" the best way we can without the "offender" saying I am sorry or at least even acknowledging that anything happened.
I know this may be of little comfort, but please know your are not alone. I have truly been there and taking a stand and moving "forward" in what ever capacity you can means you are strong and that in it's self is a beautiful thing!

Answer 6

If you feel that having it all out in the open with your family will make you feel emotionally better than do it. Otherwise dont. Regardless of your choice you should continue with therapy and perhaps try find assistance groups to talk to people who have gone through the same thing as you.

Answer 7

omgsh, it's okay! I feel terrible for you :(
Have you tried to call him back? Maybe he's just scared because he knows he's done wrong and he's nervous you'll never forgive him. Although I don't know how you ever would. Maybe just give him a buzz, and pray that you get his answering machine so it might be easier for you to tell him how you feel? Good luck, and God love for not keeping this a secret

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear that happened to you. Remember that it was never/could never be your fault. If he is in a position that he could possibly do harm to others then I would call him out on it. If its to give you some sort of "closure" then you need to seriously talk this out with someone you can trust and make an informed decision.

Answer 9

Often people who molest others were molested them selves, he may have had underlying problems that caused this (but that doesn't make any of it right)
He hasn't called so I guess he still doesn't feel he is a man.

Answer 10

I'm very sorry to here about this.this is a Little ode to me see I'm 19.no i was not molested but my D.R and therapist think i was abused. i just got up the nerve to talk about it to night.i believe it may have been a loved 1 but i was Young.hard to remember even harder to talk about.i can not tell you how sorry i am..i hope things are good now.i wish you the beast of every thing....