What is the best parenting solution? Who is right?

Question

My 16 year old son has a D in English, he is clearly not trying to do better. He has C or better in all other classes. My husband thinks he should let him go to a party. I say no b/c we need to teach him consequences for his bad grade. What should I do?

My husbands point is that we have to show him that we appreciate the good grades and give him a reward for that. My point is we already do that. He has been grounded from T.V & games, & going out. He still gets to go snowboarding with us. He gets free days for good behavior.. so I say enough is enough he has not changed his habit of a bad english grade so he should not go.. I am I right or wrong?

We did talk to him about it, he said "I dont know" which is the answer for everything. He did not do homework and does half hearted work on projects. No effort at all. He does not have a learning problem he is just lazy and does not like reading.

Answer 1

I think you guys are handling it all wrong. First, you and your husband are not in agreement and that has to change first or nothing will improve. You are allowing him to manipulate and thus control the situation because he knows you two feel differently. Second, your husband is wrong to reward him for decent grades. That's what he is supposed to do. Grounding with days off for good behavior is useless, again allowing him to manipulate the situation and you send an unclear message and a weak one. Not allowing him to interact with friends will not change anything. For this issue I would not go down the road of grounding, it's as much punishment for you as it is for him IMO. Watch his grades, know what he has to do, and the "grounding" should be on a day to day basis, so that he has to systematically get his work done after school, even Friday night, before he can do anything outside of home with friends etc. The key is forcing a systematic response to his weak grades. If homework is not the issue, have contact with his teacher(s) and have them tell you, daily if necessary, if he is caught up and performing well enough to get at least a B. I wouldn't accept C's. If the answer is no from them, then he should have homework that night in that subject, even if it's just reading the boring textbook, but no going out that night. I just think that week long grounding or more just frutstrates him and he throws up his hands and just says "forget it" and doesn't care.

Answer 2

Why do you say he is not trying to do better??? Is there something wrong?? Could he just be having a hard time with English?? Any problems with dyxlesia??? Can you get him tutoring?? I would talk to him, ask him what the problem is. Why the grade is so low?? Did he not turn in some homework? Is there a personality conflict? It should be an easy remedy. I would let him go. It's just one time. It seems he is making an effort in his other classes. You can let him go, but let him know if his next report card is like this one, with the "D" on it that he can not go.

Answer 3

i honestly dont know y im responding to this answer cuz im still in HS but honestly you have to punish the kid. Why donts you sit him down and ask him why hes doing so bad? maybe its the teacher, homework doesnt understand, to many friends in that class? ADD cant focus? Tell him not go out on weekends, be strict because HS is an important time of your life and grades are important. I know from experience i got one C in a class, my parents were harsh and strict for a while and now the lowest grade ive gotten in 3 years is a B.

Answer 4

I say the hell with the party he should be studying instead and grounded until he gets that grade up. If he wants something bad enough which he's 16 so he obviously does, then he will have no problem whatsoever getting that grade to where it should be instead of hanging out with friends!

Answer 5

My oldest is only 11 and she dropped a grade in math and is grounded until she gets a mid quarter progress report showing improvement. As far as English goes I was just like your son I always got good grades but I struggled in English. In fact even in college I had to study harder than most kids b/c the subject of English felt forgien to me (I am American and English is my only language). So I would say be strict but take into consideration that obviously he is trying look at his other grades. English just may be a difficult subject for him to relate to.

Answer 6

At 16 his grades are HIS responsiblity. He isn't going to learn anything by staying home from the party. The consquences of his bad grades is NOT the inability to go to the party...those are YOUR consquences for his bad grades. HIS consquences for his bad grades will be failing highschool, not getting into college, not getting a more than minimum wage paying dead end job in a fast food joint.

Answer 7

I personally would not let my child go to a party with bad grades. He does need to learn the consequences to his actions! If he was not doing a good job at his employment than he would be fired or put on probation!~bad grades means no fun!!! Needs to stay at home and study!!!

Answer 8

maybe school is not his "thing" what about looking into the Trades? Some kids are just not cut out for school and would be better off going out to work. You know your son best to know if it is laziest or not. If you have grounded him though you have to stick with it. NO party

Answer 9

Im sorry to say this, but this is something you and your husband need to work out between the two of you.

Answer 10

If he is clearly not trying and you let him go, he will continue not to try.
If it was me in this situation, I would let him go ''just this once'' with fair warning that if he doesnt start trying, next thing he wants, hes not getting.