what would you do if your boyfriends mom hated you?

Question

i just recently met my boyfriends mom and i get the feeling she doesnt like me very much. i only met her once so she doesnt know enough about me to judge me. and my boyfriend also has been acting differently towards me ever since me and his mom met. i think she told him she doesnt like me. he told me in the past that his mom always disapproves of his girlfriends in the past. what should i do?

Answer 1

Some mothers have definite opinions about the type of woman they want their son to marry, or even date. When their son's real-life partner doesn't measure up in their eyes, these moms can be ruthless and unpleasant. This behavior stems less from your boyfriend's mother's opinion of you than her feelings about losing control of her son.

Unfortunately, that means her MO is to make you feel that there is something wrong with you. Her hope is that her son will see you through her eyes and, hopefully, change his mind. That would vindicate her belief that mother knows best. This situation sucks. We all know there is nothing wrong with you — it's her! But you just can't tell her that.

I'll be honest: Since there isn't a whole lot you can do to change how she feels, your main job is damage control. Try not to make things any worse.

That means:

1. Avoid her as much as politely possible. The worst thing you can do is cozy up to her. As with any bully, playing nice will just encourage her to see you as a weakling. Instead, keep a cool distance. That will send a signal that you respect yourself, know how to take care of yourself and don't like how she's treating you.

2. Don't let her get your goat. If you're like me, you probably stay up nights thinking about the bitchy comments you'd love to make when she throws one of her barbed remarks your way. Don't. Dream up calm, clever ways to deflect her hostility — and don't leave home without them. For example, if you give her a pink blouse for her birthday and she says, "Surely you know pink isn't my color," simply say, "I just liked the idea of you in a brighter, more flattering shade," and smile.

3. Don't blame your boyfriend. It's not his fault that his mother is a raging, jealous beast. Be honest about how you feel and give him examples of the behavior that makes you uncomfortable (although we hope he has noticed by now). Ask for his support and sympathy, but try not to make him feel as if it's his responsibility to change his nutty mother. There is little he can do, aside from confronting her when she becomes truly insulting.

4. Ask for help. While you can't hold your boyfriend responsible, you can ask him to do small things, such as never leave the two of you alone in a room with sharp objects. You can also talk to your girlfriends and perhaps even your boyfriend's friends for moral support. You're not the only one who is going through this — trust me!

I can't promise that if your relationship with your boyfriend continues, this woman will ever accept you. History is full of too many examples to the contrary. But if you manage to stay cool and if his mother is a rational human being (I know, it seems unlikely now), she'll realize that her rudeness isn't going to make you disappear — and she'll probably stop.

Answer 2

Is there a real concrete reason that she should hate you? Meaning like, were you rude to her in any way? If not, she might just hate the fact that her little boy has a girlfriend. I've had moms not like me because of things I can't control (like race, etc). I basically just didn't deal with the mom. You need to talk to your bf and ask him why he's acting differently. It's important that his mom likes you but it shouldn't be the deciding factor if your relationship continues. If he breaks up with you because his mommy doesn't like you, he's got mom issues and you'd be better off without him anyway (take my word! lol). Talk to him about it, let him know it is important that you two (you & bf's mom) have a civil relationship because you care for him and he cares for her. If you tell him like that, he won't see it as two women he loves fighting for his attention & love. Be nice to the mom even if it kills you and you secretly hate her! lol Take the high road and don't sink to her level if she gets nasty. Good luck!

Answer 3

been in your situation. she hated my guts. a couple of times she even told me what she really thought of me. and all i did when she said that was...nothing. i didn't let one thing out of me mouth. just kind of look at her and that was all. ONE because my parents raised me better than to disrespect an elder especially in their own home. TWO because she was going to think of me like that regardless of what i say; and even if i said anything i'll only make it worse. well to make a long long long story short...she finally seen what her son had seen in me all along. and she apologizes to this day for the way she acted.

all i'm saying is always be polite and courteous. be the best person you can be. even if she has those evil looking stares (you'll know what i'm talking about soon enough). you have to prove to her what kind of person you really are. she'll never just take his or your word for it. and you'll have those days where you want to just say "why the hell don't you like me" but that's what your friends are for. vent all your anguish on them. if you really like this guy, stick to the plan. and if this guy is any good he'll stick with you...even if his mom hates you. mine did...he's now my husband.

Answer 4

ok you could guy up on your case and tell her how that's. She is manipulating the case and the reality which you utilize your guy to lower back you up once you would be protecting your self. while she next time attempting to call you names tell her you dont get exhilaration from her calling you like that and he or she could as a mature and grown woman to commence respecting in view which you at the instant are not what she element you're. If that dont help you could attempt to instruct her which you wont all and sundry step over her whether she is your husbands mom. make effective in case you argue together with her in front of him, you emphasise on the reality which you like your husband and he or she needs him tobe satisfied she could admire you and commence treating you like daughter in regulation. If she cant stay with it and have you ever for no reason then you definately purely gon could lower back her off your loved ones era. placed her under ultimatum that if she save behaving like this then its going to be her or you and your husband going to could become in contact and this time to make a determination of what its going to be. Sorry sweety yet would artwork, with the aid of fact curiously you being intense high quality to her all of the time and asking her how she is doing whenever you notice dont artwork. In you case you could commence elevating voice. She would incredibly admire that and prefer approximately you. in line with danger its what she is waiting for....which you will instruct that noone can get between you 2, no longer even his mom.

Answer 5

Get ready to have the mother-in-law from he!! because nothing you will every do will make you good enough for her little boy. If you love the guy enough, his mom will not make any difference. Women that you meet that are sweet to you from the first meeting end up making awesome mother-in-laws. Just continue to be nice to her.

Answer 6

I don't know... depends if you are 16 or 28 and if you plan to spend the rest of your life with this b/f or just hang out until the summer. If you really really like him, then you might want to give his mom another chance.... call her up and ask her out for lunch.

Answer 7

Keep this in mind, your boyfriend is with you, if he loves you then he will stay with you no matter what his mother thinks, just be polite to her, and be yourself, its not worth the hassle in the long run trying to be someone your not to prove a point to a mother who is never going to think anyone is good enough for her son.

Answer 8

You should talk to his mom, one on one and find out what the problem is? You and his mom, can find ways to find time together to give her the opportunity to get to know you better. An example would be going shopping together, cooking.

Answer 9

WELL HERES THE THING IF YOUR B/F MOM DOESNT LIKE YOU IT CAN BE A PROBLEM YOU HAVE TO TRY TO MAKE TIME FOR YOU AND HIM AND HIS FAMILY/MOM TO BE WITH TOGETHER MORE OFTEN SO SHE CAN GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER CAUSE IF HES A MOMMA BOY THEN HE WILL PICK HER OVER YOU SO TRY YOUR BEST TO SHOW HER WHO YOU ARE AND TO SHOW HER YOU REALLY CARE FOR HER SON IF YOU DO LOL BUT ANYWAYS IN THE MEAN TIME YOU HAVE TO WIN HIM OVER SO HE WONT CARE WHAT SHE SAYS CASUE ITS SO MUCH INTO YOU AND HE AINT GONNA MESS UP WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE CAUSE HES HAPPY ITS HARD CAUSE THEY LOVE THERE MOTHERS BUT YET THEY NEED TO BE HAPPY FOR THEM SELF SO JUST BE YOURSELF THATS ALL YOU CAN BE GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

he is a mommas boy ,but then all moms hate all there ladies there sons date,cause they think they are not as good as they are,be nice to her no matter what,i dont mean kiss up to her,but smile and be polite and let her see you want to love her son,not harm him