Disabled aunt trying to be controlling. When i say no, she goes over head. Tired of it.?

Question

I am disabled. I am not dumb. However when my controlling aunt can not convince me of something, she has started going over my head. Mom was going to give me couch for christmas until my aunt heard of it. Then she went to my dad and said that Mom was going to give me couch but like she told me she would give me couch., Mom didnt need to buy it. This is after she informed me very rudely that she did not see how i could say no when I asked what color.cause acc to her it did not matter. It did not matter to her. She went up to both my father and mother on diff occassions to inform them that there was no need to get couch. I dont want her couch. I dont want her going over my head She does this all the time. I am not dumb I am college educated and it absolutly kills me. Mom said to forgive her cause she is old. I am too the point that if she continues to openly disrespect me by going over my head, then she does not need to be in life. Am i wrong? It truely hurts she does thiss all the tim

to the woman who popped of thjat it would not kill me to let my aunt take over, why dont you let me make decisions for U., It wont kill you will it. I mean it make me feel special as all get out. I mean you will have to live with my mistakes and it would not kill you would it. The only reason that this woman treats me like i am stupid is becausse I am disabled. I am not retarded. I have a higher than average iq. How would you feel if I said it makes me feel special to treat U like your dumb. I have a limp. thats it.

the couch i was getting thanks to aunt going up to both mom and dad is no longer happeng. She put an end to it. My mother went along with her.Aunt did this for college to because I wanted to take an online cource and aunt started family discussion on why she felt she should take me three times a week.

Answer 1

Hi! welcome to dysfunction! Our familes are very familiar.. I get the 'oh let them disrespect you.. just make sure you respect them.. they are old'. Old people, in my opinion, should have life and respect more figured out at their age.. they have had longer to practice.. they should be teaching us about respect.. not being rude and manipulative and expecting that they get respect because they have immunity. That is b.s. Anyway... bounderies. I have come to the point where I will set my bounderies.. and if my family won't repect me, I boot them out of my life. I live once.. and after years of anxiety triggered by my family... medication and panic attacks, I decided to change my karma.. I only do peace now. So if you make me feel bad about myself.. if I feel that you are disrepsectful (pretty much anyone toxic), isn't allowed in my life. 'Family and blood ties' is not code for 'obligated to put up with your b.s. and abuse'

Answer 2

Let's see what is important here, do your parents listen to your aunt and do what she says or do they let what she says go in one ear and out the other?

If they dont listen to her just let her talk-my bet would be that the frustration comes from them allowing her to speak about you as though you are not capable of doing anything because of your disability. Perhaps your parents could use this opportunity to educate your aunt.

If your parents listen to her then I would talk to them-it would seem that they know you better than she does. maybe volunteer somewhere with her and let her see how capable you are. Also try turning on the radio while she talks and start singing or turn on the tv and then flip channels if you can access music turn on what she doesnt like and she will bolt! This of course would be considered disrespectful by some but she may get the message, then again it could go right over her head and irritate your parents which would not be good. Only you know the best way to handle that.

I hope this helps

Answer 3

I understand your pain. It's hurts to have a "loved one" going behind your back. I suspect that she really does mean well, but if her opinion doesn't matter to you, then let it go. You don't have to worry about what everyone thinks of you. Make sure mom and dad know though that you don't appreciate the aunt attempting to control your life.

Answer 4

No your not wrong. And your not alone, ive worked in homes with a lot of disabled people and everyone (who is in contact with family) has that one person in their family who just needs to back off. She probably just has no life of her own. You should tell her how you feel gently first, and if that doesn't work tell her off. But don't waste your time hating her.

Answer 5

You are RIGHT.............Disabled does not mean dumb and to the out side world they forget this.
I dont know how old you are but first talk to your parents and tell them your feelings, then talk to your aunt.
If she wont listen then write her a letter telling her how you feel and how she makes you feel.
Maybe print of any ans you get here and show her.
Good luck babes xx

Answer 6

Your Aunt has no control over you unless you give it to her. Apparently you do give her the power to upset you.
In the situation you described, did your mom listen to your meddling aunt? If she didn't then I don't see what negative affect your aunt had on you accept that you let her upset you with her interfering.

I agree that your aunt should mind her own business, but I think your mom is trying to tell you the same thing that I am & that is, your aunt can meddle all she wants, but if nobody listens to her, then what harm can she do to you?

Answer 7

I don't know how old your aunt is, but it took her all her life to get the way she is. Another words, it's too late to try and change her now. She's probably always been controling. Maybe you didn't notice it? I'm more concerned about your parents yielding to her wishes. Does she controll them also? To resolve the problem, I would start with the parents. Ask them why they act as they do? Maybe it's not too late for them to change. Good luck!

Answer 8

For this, in my country, they would have an antelope face off. You must find the bust of (2) antelopes. These would be like the ones you see on the wall of hunters, and they must have a rack of horns.
You and your aunt must wear these on your heads and go at each other in front of your families. The loser, who falls, if the winner spares her life, she must be the maid of the winner for the rest of her life. This is the only way to solve the problem. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

This lady doesnt get that u just want the best for her. Its ahrd to say no but if u love her stay strong but show her affection to. Bring her to therapy and lket her have soem stuff her ways. i wouldnt kill you would it??
thata boy

Answer 10

if you feel this is happen then you need to confront her and if that
does work then it time to talk to your parents about what going
on, this will not stop until you put a stop once and for all,