My father in law lives very near to my house . He is a major alcoholic and has VERY poor hygiene!! I can work all day cleaning my home,or cooking and having it smell nice and clean and the second he walks in the whole house smells like a nasty filthy BAR. He is and was a very nice man when clean and sober but, alcohol has ruined his life he basically lives to drink!! Every penny he has goes to beer and cigarettes.He has gotten where every night around dinner time he shows up and wants to eat because he has spent all of his money on beer!! I am soo sick of it!! My husband will not say a word to him except every once in awhile he tells him he needs a shower!! I do not know what to do I have said things like O.K. THIS IS OLD, but, my father in law does not have enough SNAP to realize he is not wanted here everyday!!! ANY SUGGESTIONS!! We are considering moving not just because of this but, this is one of the reasons!!!
2007-01-27 14:13:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Texasgirl if your husband won't confront his father then perhaps you should. Inform him that you think the world of him but that he is wasting his life and you do not want to see him in that shape at your house any longer. Inform him that he is more then welcome to come when he is sober but your serious about him not being welcomed when he is drinking. You and your husband might be wise to go to a couple of Alanon meetings (which are for friends and family of alcoholics) in order to learn how to live with the alcoholic. You cannot continue to compensate for his drinking by having him at your home when drunk. Your father in law may actually pay more attention to you then his own son and also respect you for having the backbone to confront him, and who knows may actually do something about his drinking. You do not say if you have kids or not but this is certainly not a healthy image for kids to be seeing of their granddad either, so if you don't already have children then tell him when you do that you do not want your children subjected to this either. Best of luck to you with this situation.
2007-01-27 14:30:36 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Whatever you do, because it's your husband's dad, you need to talk to your husband about it. And, with a united front, handle the situation the way you two agree to handle it. On your own, i'm sorry, you cannot do anything about it. The only success you'll have in resolving this will come from an approach that includes you and your husband.
If it were your own father, you do as you wish without your husband's consent. Likewise, your husband would have a right to handle his dad any way he chose.
So really, this is about you and your husband coming to some sort of consensus about what will/won't work for him and for you. Start there. The best of luck to you...
2007-01-27 14:22:23 · answer #2 · answered by mickeymouse 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is best to move and do it as soon as you possibly can. It's rarely a good thing to live too close to the in-laws. I lived next door to mine for 17 years. At times I'm surprised my marriage survived it because when I was younger, like you, it got on my nerves so bad. I think it's also best to move away because you will have less resentment toward your husband for not stepping in and doing something about it. It's his parent, and well, it's not that easy to do. Good luck.
2007-01-27 14:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by TPhi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholism is a very real illness. It takes one to get to their bottom to get help. Some people deny it and would rather die before they admit it. He is in need of some intervention. It may upset him but if he gets the help he needs it would be worth it. Your husband can't hold his hand forever.Have your husband go to some Al anon meetings and he may learn how to handle dad. This is called enabling him. He needs help but you can't do it for him. He has to want it. Good Luck and God Bless
2007-01-27 14:33:10 · answer #4 · answered by kellyfl59 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, I can see how this could get really old. Perhaps you can send leftovers home for him or offer to pick some things up for him next time you go to the grocery store. He is obviously sad or depressed to treat himself that way, turning him away will not fix all.
2007-01-27 14:26:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yout FIL needs help and you husband needs to be somone to tell him that. Does he have anymore have relatives that could get together and intervervention? He needs help and your husband or you may need to try al-anon or get him to AA meetings. Good luck
2007-01-27 14:33:18 · answer #6 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if your husband wont say anything tell your FIL that you guys have things to do and that he should call you first. if he gets offended that's his problem not yours. if he is an adult, he should understand, dont you think?
2007-01-27 14:47:18 · answer #7 · answered by chikis 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could tell your husband to tell his dad that he can only come over on certain nights.
2007-01-27 14:19:51 · answer #8 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋