I just need to ask...how do i deal with this issue...my sister loves to complain about every single little petty issue she has in life..i listen to her and i do things like shop with her...clean her house..run errands.....dye her hair give her a facial. I am a great sister and i am always there for her. But if i have one problem or one complaint she says it stresses her out or my problems like me saying gee things are not going good in Iraq i am worried about my hubby.....she says that traumatizes her? My parents baby her and they are her "yes men". They tell here what she wants to hear and not what she needs to hear! Therefore we all walk on eggshells around here because she is so "fragile". I am really annoyed and upset with her because she is very self centered and she thinks the world revolves around her. How do i deal with her? Please suggestions would be appreciated she is very difficult. Yesterday she was in tears because she was upset that she had to grocery shop!
2007-01-27 13:54:33 · 12 answers · asked by ♥queen b♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
wow thank u guys for the support..this is what i thought i need to do..yes she is clinically depressed and on like 7 anti depressant medications..yes i am tired of being walked all over ...i told my mom how i feel and i sent her an email...not a mean one but i told the the truth (military style..suck it up buttercup style)
2007-01-27 14:23:43 · update #1
Stop treating her like a princess. What happens when she gets out in the real world and noone will tie her shoes? Show her some tough love. Dying her hair is nice, but if you have to rearrange your schedule to do it, then tell her no and tell her the number of the closests hair salon. And if she isn't willing to listen to your problems, don't listen to hers. When she starts complaining tell her that it traumitizes you to have to listen to her complaining or just walk away.
2007-01-27 14:00:58 · answer #1 · answered by prettyblueeyes101010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family needs to stop babying her and being such pushovers. It sounds like she's over 18 (you didn't say though so I'm going to guess) so she needs to start acting like an adult. For a long time she has been coddled and now she needs to be told by you and other family members that she has to do things on her own. It may hurt her in the short run to hear this, but better now then later.
2007-01-27 14:33:26 · answer #2 · answered by milwaukiedave 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is horrible to be around....if I were u I would refrain from doing those things u do for her, seems like u can be enabling her a bit, treating her like a princess with facials, cleaning her house, etc....why are u doing that? She complains about grocery shopping while ur husband is fighting in a war and when u confide in her ur feelins , it traumatizes her? SHe is selfish , self absorb fake a s s princess. Stop walking on eggshells
u need to be upfront.........and express how she doesnt listen to ur gripes and u listen to hers and list all of her gripes she gives u for examples.
she needs a reality check so fast! u better hurry!
2007-01-27 14:05:56 · answer #3 · answered by Hi my name is... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt be upset with her she has to be pitied. You do not need to tell her that, it would only of course upset her. She cannot stand alone. She constantly needs everyones approval to feel strong to feel worthy. Her problems may not seem big to you as you are faced with alot more of an issue and it seems you are strong and courageous and have a strong moral and emotional character. That doesnt say you arent afraid or worried, but it says your husband must be so very proud of you. I am proud of you and I do not know you. Your sister isnt acting this way because she wants to be selfish or self centered. Your sister doesnt have your inner strength. Do what you can as a sister but when she starts to complain instead of just listening say you have so much to be thankful for. You have a family that love you, you have your health. Tell her that negativity weakens the immunity system and can literally make you sick. Tell her you love her but she needs to develop her own confidence, learn to be strong and listen to her own inner voice. She hasnt grown she has stayed as a child. Help her to find where you have found so very easily. Good luck to you and your husband!
2007-01-27 14:08:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow! You have to stop being such a pushover! Believe it or not, but by everyone treating her the way they are, she is not going to change and things will stay the same. You should not treat her like Royalty, because she isn`t, you and her have the same blood! Is she like clinically depressed or has any other illness? She should definitely see a counselor for her troubles. In the meantime...stop catering to her needs and consider your own!
2007-01-27 14:02:24 · answer #5 · answered by Roxie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just dont beleive what im hearing obviously she musnt have much to do if she worries about all these other things you mention , Tell her to count her blessings and not to worry time is too short. And tell her if she dosnt stop worrying and going on, she well end up going grey early ..
2007-01-27 14:01:30 · answer #6 · answered by vms001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as thought you've created a monster, by enabling her to walk all over you guys. You need to start being honest with her, when she complains about stuff. Tell her the truth, tell it to her like it is. Stop walking on eggshells around her, and tell her grow herself a backbone and get on with her life as a real adult.
2007-01-27 14:01:10 · answer #7 · answered by restless_nymph 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each person is responsible for his own feelings. You are responsible for how and what you feel and your sister is responsible for how and what she feels.
Most people don't realize this and blame others for how they feel. Some people subconsciously find that by blaming others for making them feel a certain way, they can control them. Your sister is controlling people by blaming them for what she is responsible for: her own feelings.
"How can we control our feelings when someone does something bad to us?" Well, how we feel is determined by what we think. If we choose to take their actions personally and feel responsible for the slight, we can make ourselves a victim and feel angry at the other person or feel sorry for ourselves.
On the other hand, if we refuse to take personally another person's action and see it as their own problem and having nothing to do with us, even though the action was directed at us, we can detach from the incident, remove ourselves from the situation and choose to have a good time and do something fun or nice for ourselves.
Your sister thinks the world revolves around her because your family acts as if it does and that is what she has been taught. You do so much for her, yet she chooses to be complainng and unhappy. What do you want from her that you think you have to bend to her every whim to get it? She has shown that she is incapable of listening to you.
How do you deal with her? You don't. You take care of yourself. You stop indulging her, even if your parents complain that you are being cruel. It is cruelty to handicap her socially and emotionally by allowing her to stay immature and controlling. Stop doing for her what she needs to learn to do for herself. She is immature, spoiled and selfish...she didn't get that way all by herself. Take care of yourself, she can lean to grow up if everybody stops doing everything for her.
Kind regards.
2007-01-27 14:22:26 · answer #8 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow.. your sister needs to grow up, and as her sister you have the right to be honest with her, just be honest with her i think shes old enough to know the truth, she might be hurt by things you have to say but its better to be hurt by someone with unconditional love then someone who means nothing. GOOD LUCK !!
Just rember shes old enough to hear the truth and she needs to grow up.
2007-01-27 14:17:37 · answer #9 · answered by Ashley I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing so much for her. She can clean her own house. Maybe she needs to do more for herself. That way she won't have so much time on her hands.
2007-01-27 14:21:41 · answer #10 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being used and manipulated. Tell her she needs to learn to cope with life's stresses or seek professional help. Please know that once you put your foot down with her, she and your parents are going to put you on their crap list. But a little tough love never hurt those who truly need it.
2007-01-27 14:19:21 · answer #11 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋