I don't know how to make her feel better...?

Question

Ok I have a girlfriend whom I've just started going with so we're taking it real slow and we're not serious or "in love" yet.

Let me start off by telling you about her. She's a mother of three, has a few roommates in the house, including one of her daughters' son-in-law. Her daughter married young and she married and had kids young too. So if I'm right, altogether including my girlfriend, there's 9 people in the house and her married daughter does still live with her along with her husband.

Only people who are working or getting checks each month is my girlfriend, one of her roommates and her son-in-law. Well, today is his first day on the job so he hasn't gotten a paycheck yet.

Her kids are young and even she has some adult roomies but they don't clean up after themselves as they should. Sometimes her married daughter will clean but not always. She got a lot of animals to look after, cages to clean. She works 10 hours a day on school days. One of the roomies has a two year old daughter who screams all the time, giving my girlfriend a headache while the roomie don't control the little monster.

So everyone is kinda low on money because only three people living in that house has a job though it's the first day of work for one of them. My girlfriend had her cellphone on but had to turn it off til payday so I have to call her at home til then. She does not have a driver's license (I forgot how she lost it) so she can't drive herself. I think she did say she was going to get it back in the spring. In the meantime, she has to depend on her roomie to drive her or depend on public transportation which is fairly ok. The guy she takes care of on the job (the guy has muscular dystrophy) doesn't get around much as he can't drive and neither can she so they don't get out to have fun and all that. I guess they don't trust the public transportation too well.

Yesterday, I emailed her and told her I was here if she needed to talk and she said she hardly talks to anyone about her problems. I don't get it. She told me she finds it hard to talk to women but not me but she doesn't want to talk about what's bothering her. My girlfriend says she enjoys talking to me and that I make her laugh. In fact, she put a comment in myspace for me and put a pic of an animated cat laughing with the words, "you make me laugh" which is cute! But she is soooooooooo stressed out, find it hard to have a good time but she still enjoys talking to me as she says but doesn't want to talk about her problems with me.

I do know that she was married and her ex-husband was abusive, on drugs and tried to kill her and she had bad luck with her youngest's father so she's finding it hard to love someone, including me. I can understand that because it's a trust issue because of what she's been through before. She says we have to be slow because I could be nice in the beginning then be something else later which can always be true. So I understand what she's saying about trust but I really like her and while I'm ok with being slow, I don't want to be TOOOOOOOO slow! I would like for our relationship to go somewhere someday but I don't want to scare her off so much or rush her.

I don't know how to help her, make her feel better in order for us to have a more serious relationship soon. It takes time but I'd for it to happen and I don't want to scare her off. She kept saying that I make her laugh, down to earth and really cool but just doesn't always act like she's enjoying my company or that she's feeling ok. I want to make her feel better about things but I don't know how. I offer to be there for her, to talk to her and I make myself available but it's not making much of a difference right now.

I really really do not want to lose her. You don't find someone like her in the world very much. Trust me, you don't. Another reason why I don't want to break up is because she says she enjoys my company and I'm afraid just splitting away from her will just add more to her issues, whatever they are.

Answer 1

Well, maybe sometimes it doesn't seem like she's enjoying your company is because she's too stressed out with the problems.

And maybe she views her problems embarrassing to say to you, so she keeps the convos non-serious? Am I right?

IT's probably letting go in a serious way around you.

You can try just helping out around the home, maybe that will make some of the problems better and ask one of the adults that don't have a job, if their interested and you can ask them questions to make a resume and just help them out.

Either she's grateful, or doesn't want your charity.

what do you think?

Answer 2

So let her enjoy your cozy home on he weekends this can be her get away spot, a time for her to relax and be a lady. But guess what all those adults live in that house because she allows it. Whether they pay thier fair share or not. She was living this life before you and after you. But you better not feel that sorry and invite her to come and stay because everyone else is going to come to. Offer to pay a bill, bring over some food, be fair, be charitiable, but don't be a sucker. That's what they're looking for. Good Luck, sounds like your a little lonely.