Am I the only one who doesn't have that special bond with my mother?

Question

I'm her youngest daughter, but her and I don't get along. I've tried, but it is no use. The other children don't see her for who she is. She lies, and twists things around, pulling them out of context to talk bad about others -- namely me. Has anyone else had a similar problem? I'm in my forties by the way.

Answer 1

That's really sad. Perhaps you might talk to her about your feelings.

Answer 2

I am the eldest in the family and i received the same treatment.Everything i did was criticized and it i was put down constantly or she twisted things so badly and made everyone else to be the bad person and not her. No matter how hard i tried nothing was ever good enough. She always used to ask me everyday if she looked ok to go out and i would spend so much time telling her how great she looked.i think that she was very insecure about herself most of the time. she could never compliment me if i got my hair cut or if i was getting dressed up to go out. My mother and i had severe difficulties in our relationship at times and doubted that she even loved me. we dont have contact now and i think it is maybe for the best. it is possible that your mother is an insecure person and maybe sees you as a threat? i know that sounds terrible but it could be a possibility. Maybe your mum is jealous of you.

Answer 3

Yes.I am the middle child but oldest girl.My mom and I DO NOT get along.I have tried also,but there is no use.I am 47 years old,and she still thinks I am 15.She HATES what I do for a living,and still asks me to get a different occupation.I have been an electrician for 29 years.I know my job. I had to leave when I was 15 because she got mad at me about something and walked behind me while I was emptying the dishwasher & SNIP

Answer 4

I could never summon up anything like love for my mother, or any kind of bonding. She wasn't abusive, by the way ... at least not in any serious sense, and she didn't try to interfere with my life; I think the poor woman had very little ability to love. As I've grown older (I have 20 years on you) I've come to understand more about how she became the way she was, but there was no bond - one way or the other. So you're not alone.

Answer 5

You're gonna run across a lot of mama issues here :)

My mother had two kids, me and my brother (nine years younger)

I'm 46.

1972, my parents started wife-swapping... my dad like the gal more than my mom did the guy... they separated... my mother spent the rest of my childhood telling me that I reminded her of my father (this was NOT a compliment.)

She was ridiculous, never having been on her own, went from father to husband, I had to teach her how to balance a checkbook and stay home to care for her when she was sick... plus care for my brother a great deal and most of the housework because she crawled under the covers and didn't want to come out (I was 12)

When I was 16, she married a guy she hardly knew because he was sexy (to her) and exciting (to her) and more of a roller coaster than the merry go round my father was if that makes sense.

Her bio father sexually molested me when I was 12 and she was so self-involved she had a total lack of response.

Her new husband (who was much younger than she was) kissed me on the lips and felt me up when I was 16. She griped because I wouldn't call him "Dad" any more.

Now we get along okay, I've forgiven her for being incompetent as a parent, and I make no bones about telling her that her husband is an ***, but I tolerate him as long as he behaves well for holidays etc. My kids don't even like him because he makes them feel "ick"

Special bond? Hardly. We're just both glad her bio dad is finally dead so girls everywhere are safer and we both miss her mother and stepfather (who really raised her) terribly because they were wonderful people... but other than that? Not much in common and we just keep in touch because we're *supposed to*

Best move I ever made? I forgave my mother for not being the mother I needed, craved, wanted, expected, and hoped and dreamed for. I still get stung every once in a while... but it's not as bad as it was when I was still sort of expecting and hoping it would ever get better or that she would see me for the totally awesome individual I have become. She doesn't see me. She sees what she wants to see.

Best to you... and don't beat yourself up. You can't choose your family, you're just born to them.

Answer 6

I have always had an uneasy relationship with my mom. I am the oldest, so I haven't been in the house for quite some time. It pained me to see how much better she treated my younger siblings, though. I have had my heart broken by her many times. She missed every important event in my life (graduation, engagement, wedding, birth of both kids). Eventually I came to the realization that I could not base my happiness on her actions. I just don't have anything to do with her unless she is civil. I don't know why so many people accept treatment from family that they don't from others. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Answer 7

The fact that you're the last kid makes me wonder something: Were you planned or an accident?

I am not being a jerk here, I swear. I'm wondering if perhaps she is being such a (rhymes with witch) because she resented having you.

Ot could also be just natural failure to click. We all know that it's a crock, the whole "I love you exactly the same" thing. Parental bonds vary.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Answer 8

of course not. alot of mothers and daughters don't have special relationships. Sorry but you know we are in reality ok. Its not like a movie were they do everything together as on happy family. Just try to find a path to take and guide your relationship through life with anyone you have trouble bonding with. Stick through it and be the bigger person.

Answer 9

No, you are not alone.
My wife and I have NO relationship with EITHER mother.
My mother; my sister is perfect. I am a disappointment.
My wife's mother; my wife's brother is perfect. My wife is an embarrisment.

It is an unfortunate fact that parents pick "favorites." And NOTHING you do will change it. You have to just accept it and go thru life. If not, your health will be destroyed and your mother will STILL treat you bad.

My wife and I are 54. We have been married for 30 years.

Answer 10

i am in my thirties and the 2nd eldest of 4 girls. i have always had a difficult relationship with my mum as i have always felt that she has never been there for me emotionally. i never wanted for anything physically as i was brought up in a nice home and my mum never worked and always had dinner on the table etc. she is quite a closed and cold person, as was her mum, so i don't think she really knows how to be overly affection in the way that i felt i needed. you cannot chose your relatives. i love my mum but i don't really like her as a person. i don't like her values or have much in common with her and i always say that if she was say a work collegue and not my mum, that i wouldn't really get on with her. i used to feel guilty about my poor daughter/mother relationship and try and force it but as i a have matured and become my own person i have relaxed about it a bit more and accepted that our relationship will always have its limitations.

Answer 11

I'm 19 i havent really gotten along with my mother since i was about 10....hopefully that will change before i get to my forties. i'm too young to give you advise so thats all i can say.