Am i wrong or is he just over reacting? pleas read!?

Question

we are seniors in high school.
i have been with my bf for 1 year now. and last weekend he went on vacation. while he was gone i started hanging out with one of my guys friends a little more. just as friends. i dont like him or anything. well now hes back and tonight at 10:30 my guy friend came over and we hung out outside my house for like 15. just talked. well my bf got really mad and we talked on the phone for like an hour and he kept saying how its wrong how im hanging out with another guy so much and other guys shouldnt be coming over at 10:30. and how hes only trying to get in my pants and how im acting Promiscuous. am i doing something wrong? he keeps saying im not being loyal..

Answer 1

Apparently, for what ever reason, he doesn't trust you. You and him need to work on this, or it will always be a thorn in the side of your relationship. You're allowed to have friends. If he can't trust you to have friends of either sex, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. Sounds pretty controlling to me. You did nothing wrong, so he needs to get over it.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 2

You're not wrong and it seems to me like he is overreacting to cover up some insecurities. That guy was only a guy friend and you've been with your b/f for a year now - which means that some higher level of trust should be in order here, and if it isn't then that means something is wrong - either on his part, yours, or mutually.

Maybe you've done something in the past that has shaken his trust with you, if not, then he's probably dealing with some insecurity that probably lingers in the back of his mind. Maybe he feels that he has some flaw that makes him unworthy of you and that you could find another and better guy at any moment. When he says that he's only trying to get into your pants and that you're acting promiscuous, it's a mixture of jealousy and insecurity.

It isn't wrong that you are hanging out with your guy friends and that they're hanging out with you at a somewhat 'late' hour. However, it doesn't send a very good message that the night your b/f comes back, you're hanging out with some other guys. It probably looks as if his return is just a small nuance in your day-to-day life and that it doesn't really make a difference.

You should remind your b/f that the guy you hung out with is only a friend, which means that nothing will happen. Apologize to him for the timing of the 'hanging out', but explain that he should really trust you when you say this guy isn't trying to get into your pants and that you are being loyal and you have absolutely no reason to not be.

Comfort him where you know that you're in the wrong - he's probably not feeling too happy right now. But reinforce trust between you guys.

Answer 3

I think that your boyfriend is a COMPLETELY overreacting to you talking to another guy for 15 minutes. Just because you're talking to another guy DOESN'T mean you're "hanging all over him". It might be the other guy wants to get in your pants (no offense meant) but that doesn't mean that you are going to let him. From what you've said there's nothing there to indicate that you're not being loyal. I suggest you try to explain to your boyfriend that you and the other guy are just friends and nothing is going on between you and him. If you already tried this, I'm sorry to say it, but you're probably going to have to let him go, or see how "taking a break" (lame, I know) will go. If he's that clingy so far into a relationship, it might be a sign something's not right. And also, the fact that he became so angry may be because he's jealous of the time you spend with the other guy.

Answer 4

I'm 24 and I've been through a very similar event. Guys for one thing are very territorial, so if you start to hang out with another guy, for any reason, we start to get jealous. Now guys do have insight to the minds of other guys, and he maybe right this guy might be trying to get into your pants, cause guys think like that. I can't say he's over reacting or he's justified. But what would you do if you were in his position? What if your boyfriend started hanging out with an old friend of his that was female? Would you like it?

Answer 5

i dont think the time makes a difference (it's a sat night...) but... how would you feel if you went out of town and all of a sudden your bf started hanging out with one of his girl friends a little more than often.. and then she popped by his place late one evening (whether it was a weekend night or not?)
he's right that most hs guys (or guys in general) are just looking for play, but he is wrong to call you promiscuous unless you are actually having sex (he should look up the definition.)
you know if your actions are 100% innocent or not, so you know if your bf is over-reacting or not... but keep in mind the reputation of the friend you have been hanging out with... is he someone you have had a past with? or fooled around with before? is he known for his way with females? you can answer your own question :)
good luck!

Answer 6

Vanessa
I don't think you're wrong, but please understand that your BF is not seeing this in the same light as you.
He can't read your mind, Hon, and he has no way of absolutely knowing that you having nothing more than friendly intentions with the other guy. I believe that your intentions were innocent, but young men are notoriously possessive creatures.
I guess if you really care for him, and it bothers him to such a great extent, you might want to give up hanging with your guys friends unless your BF is there too. But if this is not acceptable, you have a real problem with him, and a less jealous BF might be in order.

Answer 7

Even if you are not doing anything wrong u gota understand his position. How would you feel if your b/f hang out with a female friend? im sure u would be jealous as well. im going through something like that also. im in my softmore year of college and this is my 1st boyfriend. i used to have a lot of guy friends but noe that i have a boyfriend he doesnt want me going out w/ other guys and s hard to give up my friends but i would feel the same way if he went out w other girls even if they were just friends. so maybe what u can do is keep been friends w/ this guy but not hang out as much cuz honestly is kinda weird for him to be at ur house at 10;30 i dont think thats rite. so do what u thinks is rite 4 u. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 8

when your in a relationship with some one you dont hang with any other guy. would you like it if you were gone and came back and found a cozy little new friendship going on. i say nothing good comes out of a guy friend. from my a life time of seeing and hearing things a guy dose not want to just be friends, he always has it in the back of his mind that if only he could get between you guys hed have a chance. usually it does break up a relationship. i say if you care about your one years bf then stop hanging with the lesser one.

Answer 9

you're wrong for letting a guy friend come over at 10:30 because you have a boyfriend and it's too late for friends to visit. stop late visits and hang out with guys friends a little less and apologize to your boyfriend. loyal is not the right word;"confused"is better.

Answer 10

He's right and you're wrong.

You're opening up yourself to temptation and giving out the wrong signal to these guys you're seeing.

If your boyfriend has a problem with it, you should respect what he says to you and do what you need to do to make him happy.

You're not only playing with fire, but you're giving off a bad impression to anyone looking in on your guys. I don't care how old you are, you just don't hang out with other boys so late at night especially when you should be hanging out with the only important guy in your world...and that should be your boyfriend.

If he's away...you stay home and watch a movie with your family if you're lonely.