I'm 19 years old, my fiancé is 21. We're not planning for a wedding until 2009, at which time I will be 22 and he will be 24. My mom has been hounding me and telling me I need to get my act together. She keeps telling me you can't have a wedding for a small amount of money. She keeps treating me like dirt telling me how immature and irresponsible I am. Am I too young? Is there a set age for getting married? Should you not get married when you've found the one you love and that you know he will treat you like a princess? Also, my fiancé is from the states, but I'm from Canada, and we're struggling with the decision as to where to get married. I know tradition says you should get married where the bride lives, but any suggestions how to make it work so both families can participate in our joyous day?
2007-01-27 12:30:14 · 13 answers · asked by Cami M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I have to add I guess that we have talked about kids, religion, me finishing up school, where to live and all that other stuff. We've put in a lot of time and talking. We're really serious about this, and we are a lot more mature than most people like to think.
2007-01-27 13:16:46 · update #1
You're 19 and you're thinking 3 years down the road. You are one smart, mature woman as is your fiance if he's thinking the same way.
It's an excellent plan. Have the big conversations about the big life stuff especially values that make or break a relationship. All else will fall into place. You are a legal adult. Take whatever useful advice your mom has to give you.
I am positive that you will find all your answers during these next 3 years until you're 22. Actually, you have 2 years since wedding planning/preparation starts one year before.
I don't get what your mom is upset about from what you're written. Live your life and focus on your relationship and the road you both have waiting for you to travel together.
2007-01-27 14:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by mickeymouse 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As for the age thing, please don't rush into a marraige. If you really love each other, getting married will not change anything! Nor will waiting! At such a young age, there is so much you haven't experienced yet. So it's hard to make a decision for the rest of your life when you haven't experienced so much that life has to offer! I know so many people who got married right out of high school and it didn't work, becuase they were so young. I only know of one couple that got married right out of high school and are still together and happy. It is possible to stay together, but why rush it! Take your time. Experience life, and if you do it together, then you have lost nothing but gained ALOT! Good luck and remember, marraige shouldn't be rushed!
As for your mom, maybe she is just looking out for you! Mothers have a tendency to do that! If you can't afford a wedding, then that is an even better reason to push it back a bit! Expecially till you are out of college!
Good luck!
2007-01-27 22:05:27 · answer #2 · answered by jen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're too young to get married. Although, you really don't need that long of time to plan for it. Trust me, you will get so antsy and impatient. My husband and I married 1 year after we got engaged and even that seemed like it took forever to get to. I just couldn't wait any longer! And also, it doesn't take a whole lot of money to get married. You just need to do research on what you really want and what is most important for you to have for a wedding. And look around for somewhere between where your family and his family lives. That way they could all meet in the middle. I'm sure you could find a very unique place doing that. For our wedding, it only cost about $5,000 out of our pocket and that was with a big reception hall, buffet dinner, decorations..everything. We just had connections that helped us out, like my mom did the food ahead of time, family met at the hall the day of to decorate, a close family friend did the cake, etc. If you ask around you could probably find the same kind of connections. Good luck and congratulations!!!
2007-01-27 20:44:22 · answer #3 · answered by MichelleAkaMich 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your only plan for marriage is the date and place, you definitely are not ready. There are other things to consider concerning your future as a married couple. Here is a very small, partial list:
Plan on continuing education? Finances? Jobs/careers? Where will you two live? Plan on having children? One or two incomes? And many more.
All this you must consider even before you get married. The list just keeps growing from there. The very fact you asked if there is a set age for marriage tells me you really haven't thought it through. You really need to have a chat with your fiance about your future. I lost count on how many marriages ended because the couples haven't planned their lives with each other before getting married.
Your mom is right. Get your act together, first and prove that you are mature and responsible. Listen to the voice of reasoning.
2007-01-27 21:06:30 · answer #4 · answered by slobberknocker_usa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, Congratulations on your Engagement.
Second, No you are not too young to be thinking about getting married, and planning a beautiful wedding.
Third, tell your Mother if she can't be kind and supportive, you are not going to involve her..
You know that show Bridezella's? I think they should have one called Momzilla's .. YIKES..
Weddings are very expensive, but I know for a fact they can be done very nicely without breaking the bank. Shop around for everything, go on-line check everything out..
Pick a place that is special to you both, perhaps the city where you met each other, or some other special spot..
Believe it or not everything will fall into place once you start planning and making decisions..
If you need your Mom's help or advise, ask her.. If she isn't nice about it.. thank her and move on to someone who has enough respect for you to help you in a mature fashion.
Good Luck.
2007-01-27 20:47:08 · answer #5 · answered by Aunt Henny Penny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
only you can decide when you're ready for marriage. I'm 19 and I'm no where close to it however I am in a long term relationship and living with my boyfriend. I like you am Canadian and my boyfriend is also but with residency in the states and so we're in the states.
I think you need to decide where the wedding is going to be. For me my wedding is going to be where my family can get to it, since my boyfriends family has more money than mine they can travel instead. Plus I just don't give a damn. I have my wedding place picked out and I'm not changing it.
As for your mom, she is right about the money aspect. Weddings are NOT cheap. Divorces are even more expensive so you need to think this through a lot more.
Why not get a passport and get down to where your boyfriend is.
Living with someone is a lot different than just hanging out. Trust me!
Do you have a job? are you done college? Are you ready to raise a family? do your own cleaning and grocery shopping and cooking? Are you ready to be all about the two of you and not just yourself....
honestly a marriage is a big thing...and you need to take a while to figure out what you really want.
2007-01-27 20:39:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom all the money you really need for a wedding is for the justice of the peace (and any bloodwork that might have to be done, don't know what requirements are for you two). And you can save a lot by having a nice small wedding to remember forever.
You are not too young, you sound mature enough to me!
2007-01-28 15:58:05 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can get married when you think you are ready. As for where to get married you will find the right place and time. You have a few years to come up with a location so for now you should both make a list of places were you want to get married. Then you can compare and narrow the lists.
2007-01-27 20:59:59 · answer #8 · answered by lilebsmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would pick a honeymoon place to have your wedding. They usually have packages you can pick from, from inexpensive to the most lavish. Plan your wedding without your mom, pick the site (example: Hawaii) and tell your families where and when the wedding is.
The other option is to elope and then come back and have a reception.
2007-01-27 20:35:20 · answer #9 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No way are you too young I am getting married in June 07 and I am 22 and he is 24 we have been together over six years. you need to do whatever your heart tells you to do. As far as your mom goes she sounds like a ***** and needs to not rain on your parade!
2007-01-27 22:41:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋