Why would someone break up with you for this?

Question

My ex boyfriend who was with me for four months and siad he loved me went on vacation for two weeks with his family. for the first week we talked every night. But on the second week without any notice he stopped calling me. When I finally did talk to him he just said he had needed time to think and still loved me and wanted to be with me. But then he started being distant from me and I asked him if he wanted to break up. He said half of him wanted us and half of him wanted just to be friends. So we broke up. He said he didn't think we were meant to be together, but it had always seemed to me that we had. It was right after his vacation that he realised this. I just don't understand... if he had really loved me wouldn't he want to be with me? Why would he break up? We are still friends today.

I had started talking about marriage when we were together and he had said he wanted to marry me too. He seemed really intrested. One time before we had started dating I had told him I never wanted to change my name. But when we were together he told me he'd like it if I took his last name and I said I would. He also said I would be a great mother. But after we broke up he said he didn't like how I always talked about the future. It wasn't very often that I did, and he brought it up too. What's the deal with that?

Answer 1

Because he is young.It's that simple.
Also,he may have met someone on his vacation or maybe he had time to think and he decided that he would rather be friends with you.

Perhaps all that talk of marriage/kids scared him off.

Just move on..plenty of other fish in the sea:) But try to take it easy...don't rush things.

Answer 2

Its good that you can remain friends. He was straight up with you but I would wonder if something happened while he was on vacation. Seems kinda strange. He either had time to think about what he wants while he was gone and decided that maybe the two of you as a couple was not exactly what he wanted....or.....he met someone else while on vacation and this is the cause for his change of heart.
Either way, you are right. If he had really loved you, he couldnt just end it so quickly. And he should have broken it off with you face to face. Not just stop calling for a week.
I would just move on and not worry about it. It apparently wasnt what he wanted or he would still be with ya. You deserve more than that. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

First of all.....four months together is not the time to be talking about marriage. Especially if you are young.
And second of all, he probably met a girl when he was on vacation and he started thinking about what he might be missing. You are both young and maybe he decided he didn't want to be in just one relationship. You should date. Don't get tied down to one person or marry the first person who says they love you. Life is short. There are too many divorces in the world today because people run and get married on a whim. Its not a game. It takes a lot of work and when the tough times come, people want to bail out. Trust me I now, I've been there, done that. Its not fun. Its ugly and its painful.

Answer 4

No offense because it can be difficult to put a time table on love, but you dated for four months. That's really not a whole lot of time spent together, even if you do spend every waking moment together. I can understand discussing marriage at 4 months, but considering it for your relationship at that time period I don't really think is a good idea. Good relationships take time; love takes time. Given what he did, I would say it's safe to say he doesn't love you, and you admit in your question that if he loved you he wouldn't have done this. I'm sorry that some people suck, but these things happen. Just don't worry about the why he did, you may never know the true "why" and why speculate on something you may never really know; at least you're getting some answers as to his logic. Take that as a huuuge benefit because some of us don't even get to hear the logic. Just enjoy life, ya' know. :)

Answer 5

You both sound really young, have fun in dating, you know the old saying goes, "you got to kiss a lot of frogs, before you find your prince." Four months is not a very long time at all, and I think that is way to soon to be talking about marriage. I know every time I told someone else I needed some space, it usually because someone else has caught my interest.

Answer 6

If you had an intimate relationship with this young man, then that could very well be the reason why he is distancing himself from you. Sometimes they tell you anything you want to hear- "I love you...we're going to get married...I'll never leave you..." And surprise surprise, one day you wake up and find him gone.

But if you truly don't feel that is the case, then it's possible his parents are sabotaging the relationship.

Just don't make yourself sick over it. It's no shirt off your back. His loss, and let him know it simply by moving on and not waiting around for him.

Answer 7

Sometimes when we're removed from the constant or regular contact and environment of being with our loved one we look at the relationship from a more objective perspective. That's why a little time apart, or not being together constantly helps a person realize whether their chosen one is really the one to select to stay forever with. The relationship needs to survive this 'little' test if it's going to continue developing and growing.
Maybe doubts/hesitations he wouldn't listen to were clearer to him when he got away. Maybe he was attracted to someone else and realized he wasn't ready to be tied down. Maybe he enjoyed being without you so much it scared him (right into breaking up). If he can't articulate the details of his motivation, you're stuck not really knowing why it happened.

Answer 8

He probably broke up with you for something else. And most likely, it probably had very little to do with you. It sounds to me like he wasn't ready for something serious and that's what he felt like he was getting in. With him going away, he probably got a reality check and used the opportunity to end things. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I've been there, so I know how it feels. I don't know if it's a good idea for you two to be friends right now since it's still fresh, but that's your decision to make. In time you will heal and hopefully things will be clearer then.

Answer 9

Whatever the real reason, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. It's ok to be remain friends, but don't let him use you for a 'stand by'. It wasn't meant to be so don't stress over it. Just learn from it and move on. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Good luck.

Answer 10

there is a big big difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Maybe he loves you dearly, but isn't in love with you. Maybe something happened on the vacation.

No one can give you the answers you are looking for except him. If you are friends today then try talking to him about this, otherwise a true friendship with him will never be.