what should i do?

Question

my boyfriend broke up with me. he lives in NY and i live in CA. i visited him in NY for 3 weeks and i just got home to CA 3 days ago. i did somethings that kinda made him lose interest in me...i was wasted at his friend's party and acted emotional and hysterical crying and screaming so 5 guys had to restrain me.....i gave him the cold shoulder a few times though i didnt mean to....i runaway from his home and wondered NY by myself...i asked him to change his drinking/cigarette/weed smoking habits because i was worried about his health and mine and he got offended and mad that i wanted him to change....i finally had to ask him if we had a good relationship and he asked me if what we had could even be considered a relationship. it hurt cause i really liked him and cared for him. he treated me better than any guy has and respected me.. he's a great guy but im not over him and i dont know what to do. i miss him terribly and i wish to have a second chance...am i being realistic?

there's more to the story.....if anyone is interested...more than the bad things i already mentioned...he doesnt hate me that much i know and he still cares about me....and i know its killing him as much as it's killing me...we still had fun despite all that stuff and i was planning on moving to NY and living with him and his family (his mom was cool with it as long as i go to college and get a job which i was going to)...we had chemistry and we had fun...we were friends and we were lovers....we had a lot in common and of course some differences...lived with him for 3 weeks and found out things about each other we didnt know...tragic things, funny things, embarrassing things, happy things...we havent lost contact but we're not sure what to do with our relationship...he said maybe he'd come out here and live til i finish college..our relationship is not dead and i did wat i did cuz i was scared and nervous and naive and just plain stupid but he's a great guy

Answer 1

No you're not being realistic.
It's over between you. Your behavior in NY cemented that. Take this as a life lesson and don't behave that way again. Besides the distance is too far to overcome.

Answer 2

These things happen when you're trying to cram a whole lot of contact time into a small space...everything gets exaggerated in a way. It's a lot of pressure on any relationship to be apart, and then squished together. The expectations alone are daunting.

Talk, talk and then talk some more. Then start writing.

For you....you need to look at how you allowed those out-of-control behaviors to come to the surface so that you can make sure it doesn't happen again.

Good luck and don't be hard on yourself..you'll learn how it all goes one day, LOL....NOT....no one does!

Answer 3

Well, it is always worth letting him know you would like to have another chance. But from what you are describing (your attitude, his words, the geographics, etc), I am not quite sure this story has a lot of chance to work out well. I am sorry to be so blunt, this may not be what you want to hear. Grieving is painful. Go for what you believe in. At the end of the day, that is what matters. (By the way, it is not possible to change others, the only thing you can do is change your attitude towards them)
Good luck to you.

Answer 4

its not realistic, hes not gonna have u back.
your actions were terrible and made a bad example of yourself. you shouldnt have gotten wasted and acted hysterical, and you shouldnt have commented on his smoking or drinking habits, it would appear that he had alot of that and didnt need more on it. and if you were concern then you should have waited until you knew him much much more. and it would have been better if HE gave you the tour of NY, instead of going alone.
take this as a lesson and think before you act.
but if you truly like him, try and ask for forgivness. it may not work but its better to find out then not.

Answer 5

You need to worry about yourself first. Most of us have been over-caring for someone at some time in our lives, but this is too far to be seperated. Distance and good judgement are the two things you need to heed. Take care of your body and your mind, they'r where you live. It's too unreal and perhaps too romantic to expect a long distance "relationship" to exist, much less thrive.
Sorry, but that's the way it is...

Answer 6

He lives in NY and you live in CA? What's up with that? For what ever its worth, if you found him why not find someone in CA? We are sometimes fooled into believing that there is only one person for us in this world, but is that realistic? Come on! Give yourself credit. This relationship is, sad to say, burned. There are more great guys, you just need to start all over and find one. We all have to go through that cycle. There will always be brighter days. you just have to be patient and wait for them.................................

Answer 7

if you really want to have a second chance. then its your job to convince him. be honest & sincere. tell him that its not that you want him to change, its just you care and your worried. tell him your sorry about the party and how you acted and that you wont do it again. you know? you have to talk to him about those things, and try to work it out. talk to him first and see what he thinks. if he says no, then you just have to move on. but, i think everyone should always deserve a second chance especially in these situations. so if you really want it then talk to him about it, dont be afraid to tell him and just see what he has to say. hope it all goes well.

Answer 8

I DONT THINK YOUR BEING REALISTIC. FIRST OFF, FIND SOMEONE CLOSER WHERE YOU CAN ENJOY THEM EASIER. ITS VERY POSSIBLE SOMEONE SPIKED YOUR DRINK AT THE PARTY. THIS FELLA IN NEW YORK CANT THINK MUCH OF HIMSELF OR ANYONE HE'S WITH IF OVER-DRINKS,AND IS INTO DRUGS. I BELIEVE THIS NY'er HAS SERIOUS PROBLEMS EMOTIONALLY. THERE IS MORE IN THE WOODS THAN THAT.

Answer 9

let him kno dat u love him and u care about hiz health!!and if he dont give a $hit he anit right 4u!!!

Answer 10

Find some one else to find.