what is wrong with my 13 yr old?

Question

yesterday my husband son and I were going to see mother-in-law, she's very sick so we said we would see her (4 hrs away). My son said he would like to come, but at the last minute he said my shorts are wet that I wanted to wear so I'm not going. We said then make arrangements to stay with a friend or family he said no I'm staying home alone, he's only 13 I said not overnight he refused to get up, we layed out punishments (no cricket, playstation, tv etc) he sat there and laughed about it. I said u can stay in your room for the afternoon too. We got no appology. He went to bed and this morning he refused to talk to us we said you can come out of your room today but you are still grounded & u need to have a shower and clean your room. he said I'm not doing it bad luck! so we said you can stay there then. He's back in bed. Isn't he a bit sorry by now? y is this going on so long? I would have said sorry by now when I was that age even if it was to come out. He's not used to being punished

I seem to let him off the hook a bit too much so I thought he would respond to it by now

the shorts were denim and would have taken over 1 hour to dry straight from the washing machine, he has others but it was just THESE ones

Answer 1

Welcome to the world of TEENS !!! I have 3 grown sons, and they are so close in age they went thru the *teen* yrs at the same time... Each one had to be taken as an individual and for that each had to be handled in different styles and ways.... At the agoe of 13 I dont believe you would call them spoilt brats, but rather a young person caught between 2 worlds.... He is NOT a child but nether is a an adult.. He is now at the age of spreading his wings, and testing you and dad is part of that.... Teens have *moods* for several reasons, hormonal, peer preasure, etc..... and it is all very real and scarry..... If handled the wrong way it can also lead to deeper and more violent reactions..... All children , no matter what age want and need boundries and limits, for behavior , actions and responses.... so do not be afraid to set those boundries and stick to them, better late than never I say..... to help clear and keep the field clear, sit down with Dad and the 2 of you go over some simple basic rules you want to implement in the house..... start out with about 5 of the most important ones...... discuss and then agree upon what they are and what the punishment will be for each infraction, and then bring in Jr. and discuss each one with him, giving him the opportuinity to hear that you and dad are in AGREEMENT and are standing together and are FIRM on each rule and punishment, and that they are NOT negotiable !!!! Be sure to let him know that as trust is gained and time passes and as he grows older the rules MAY get changed or relaxed, depending on the outcome of the handleing of these few by HIM !!!! He will earn more privialges with TRUST, AGE, WISDOM and showing of maturity !!!!!!!!! Remember, a child learns by doing, seeing, hearing and told.... they are taught by us, the PARENTS, we are the stewards of their emotional, physical phsycalogical and spiritual care here on Earth... Make sure you WRITE down the rules and punishments so there will be no mix up or saying that he *forgot* what was what, also for about a yr keep all the infractions of the rules written down so you can refer back to them, the kiddies have a way of making us think we are the crazy ones, that way you can refer back and show HIM when and what and how he broke a certain rule.... after that 1st yr, throw the book of infractions and broken rules away, forgiving him of each one, and move on to the next yr. , starting over with a clean and fresh record....... God bless

Answer 2

Well, let me tell you something: The other day I was outside of Best buy store and a couple was trying to get their 3 years old son to the store. They were begging him. I was amazed. I think that the parents in this country have a big problems in their hands, they don't know how to handle a child anymore. What you have is a spoiled child that don't know how to behave. Tell him, this is dictatorship, I'm the parent, and you have only 2 rights one is to breath and the other one to do well. The problem here is that you (both) obey him. He took the role of parent. You said that he's not used to be punished: THERE ARE THE RESULTS OF A BAD PARENTING!!! You and your husband need to grow as a parents. From the very moment that you start setting limits he will start behaving and he will try to break the law but you are going to be there to reinforce it. He's not your equal, he is your son not your mother. I see a good parenting like this and maybe it is going to sound too much: HERE IS LIKE A DICTATORSHIP AND MY TWO LAST NAMES ARE PINOCHET CASTRO!!

Answer 3

Oh! I remember those days! It is a very emotional age for him and he's trying to expand his independence by rebelling. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but it's just the beginning.

Don't expect an apology and stick to your guns. He needs to know that you are the authority figure and there are certain rules that he is expected to live by. He need to show respect. If you feel he is too young to stay home alone, then what I would do is call a friend and have the friend stay at your house while you are away. He doesn't need to know he has a "babysitter". I have had to cancel plans because my kids thought they were old enough to stay home alone and refused to come along.

He is a young man...You need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk and let him know that you understand that he is getting older and needs his independence. But with that independence comes responsibility. In order to be treated like an adult, he needs to act like one.

I wish you all the luck!

Answer 4

Okay, been there with hard headed teenagers. Let him sit in his room. As a matter of fact, take the door off at the hinges so his privacy is exposed. At some point he will be hungry. Let him feed himself. Look, he is 13... not 7. He doesn't want to shower? Fine... let him stink. As for those denim shorts, I'd cut them in half and lay them by his bed. I don't suffer teenage tantrums because I know what kind of sorry adults they can become. Stand your ground on this. One more thing... why doesn't he have more respect for his grandmother..... and he laughed at his parents. He laughed when you tried to discipline him???? What is going on here????

Answer 5

ALL STATES: passed on jan 1, 2007 in all states 18 is consider as being an adult. if you date any person under 18, it is called statutory rape. if the parents do not agree with there teenager dating that person over 18yrs old, they can and will press charges. if the parents dont do anything abt it, the state can. the state can and will press charges agaisnt that person that is 18 or older. the teenager does not have consent from the parents to have sex. that is also the reason why they made this into the law. the states look at the age....thats wrong and nasty

Answer 6

I think you answered your own question with he has never been punished. I think it is time you and your husband take back control of your home and your son. At 13, he sounds like he is spoiled rotten and you need to do something NOW before he gets any older. GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

He's really just wanting to be more adult like... i mean he is thirteen i think he deserves to stay at home alone don't you? in fact ive heard of younger kids at home alone. (As long as they know their boundaries and what not to do.)

i think the problem is getting him to feel bad..
your punishments aren't really punishments. eh lauged because u let him go and he knows your not gonna keep it up and that he won't care. you have to get really deep with the punishments so that they hurt.
maybe wait for him to get hungry so that he can come out, and then don't let him back in him room. Help him find something else to do like homework.

Answer 8

He basically did not want to go and see grandma. In this situation, you have to show power. You can't let him behave that way. Even though I am only 15, I know that how he is behaving is unacceptable. You and your husband have to show him and make him understand that you are in charge. Take his lovable stuff away and make him think you got rid of it. That should teach him a thing or two.

Answer 9

Nothing is wrong with him.He is 13,used to getting his own way and not being punished.

I am with mayan princess on this one.

YOU are the parent

HE is the child.

In the real world we all have to do things we don't like-he better learn that now and it is your job as a parent to teach him.

Take control now or he is likely to be hell on wheels by 16!!

Answer 10

Learned this lesson already. If you punish him for *not* going to see a relative, he's gonna hate that relative on principle.

13? I'm still big enough to drag my 13 year old to the car...and he wouldn't dare me...he knows I will do it.