trust issues..make or break?

Question

so..i lied about one thing in the past to my "now ex". he is my everything. he was my best friend before we started dating. 6 months strong being in a relationship together... so, pretty much we knew each other in and out, which is either a good or bad thing...?.. anyways, he found out about the lie the other day; i confessed and came clean. now, he basically says he doesnt want to be with me because he cant trust me. i understand completely. but if you tell someone you love them, want to be with them, get married, have a family, etc, and if you TRUELY loved them, wouldnt you except them, forgive them, give "us" a 2nd chance, and be willing to regain trust? im so heartbroken and depressed..havent really eaten or slept in days. HELP!!!! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Answer 1

Trust is earned one point at a time. Major violations of trust remove lots of points. That's why they say "time heals all wounds" because it takes time, one point at a time.

Move on!

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.

It is hard for me to determine how I think you should resolve this issue because you did not give details about the "lie" that was told and I do not know what type of person your ex is.

However, some people have certain principles that they stand by and once those principles are violated it can be hard to forgive and trust.
Most people believe that actions speak louder than words, you can tell a person that you "love and care" for them and then turn around and do something to totally contradict what you say. In that case, the average person would lose confidence in that other person and may not be able to trust anymore.

If you beleive that the "lie" you told was not enough to cause your ex not to trust you anymore, but he still refuses to see your point of view, then you just need to accept that he is not able to forgive and trust you at this time. You should stop trying to convince him and move on (no phone calls or visits anymore).

Give him time to sort this out in his mind without your begging and pleading. If he really wants to give the relationship another shot, he'll come back. If not, then it just was not meant to be.

In the meantime, use the downtime to visit friends and family you haven't visited in a while or spend time at home re-organizing or reading a good book.

No matter how much you love him, no person is worth you being this miserable over. Hopefully a month from now you won't feel so down.

God Bless!

Answer 3

Thats a typical male for you. They can lie, cheat, steal etc. and we are just supposed to forgive them, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. And when we turn around a tell the smallest lie, its over. Men have always been like this and they always will. The majority of me is exactly like my bf, they dont have time to sit around and waste to talk out problems, or any of that NORMAL stuff you have in a relationship. If things are messed up, they just say f*** it and go own. There is nothing you can do to change his mind, and dont try. If he is goin to make you feel this bad over something you said in the past, you dont need to be with him(easier said than done, i kno, i hear it all the time) but it is true. 6mo. is not nearly long enough to fully know someone. Just keep your head up, and he isnt worth it, if he can trust you after 1 little lie. Move on, it will be hard, but in a few months, you will be glad you did. Good Luck

Answer 4

I have been with my husband for about 9 years and we have been through many ups and downs and it is my opinion that you be patient with him. forgiveness takes time. Apologize, let him know you love him and don't want it to end. Like you said if two people truly love each other they never give up, so you shouldn't give up on him just wait on him and show him just how important your relationship is to you. Also just because you love and accept someone doesn't mean there aren't qualities they need to work on because we are all imperfect. You both should really be aware of what love really is though. Love is Patience, kindness, understanding, mildness, not boasting or proud, love does not get provoked, love does not keep account of wrongs, and the list goes on so if you pour your soul out to him and he isn't willing to give you another chance then he isn't worth having.

Answer 5

What you have done was wrong but what you did was right. You are really good at heart that you could tell him what you feel. I would suggest you to approach him and ask him the same question? Ask him what you could do that he could trust you. Doing this will solve your 50% problem. You will easily understand his expressions toward you. You will never regret that you never tried. I know how bad it is to loose someone whom you love. If he really loves you he will comeback. A simple trick would be by making him feel jealous. Start hanging around for few days with one of his good friends.

This will do the trick .

All the best. Long live your love........

Answer 6

you know, i really feel for you there. i believe that when you're in a relationship, trust and honesty are THE most important things you need aside from love. i think you should have a talk with your now ex about how you really want this relationship to work and that you want to start a new slate. One, you're not in the wrong because you confessed and you trusted HIM enough, thinking he would trust you but instead he did the opposite and turned YOUR trust around which let you down obviously even after he was let down.

Just think over it and ask yourself if you can trust him enough to trust your feelings again because relationships go both ways. Even if you see yourself in the wrong because of something you DID, you can't go back on that and he should know that and realise that you're trying to change yourself for the good of both of you and that you need his trust to go along with it.

Damn.. did that confuse you? good luck!! xox

Answer 7

True love they say is unconditional, this I feel is wrong..there are limits to anyones love...whatever lie he found out about, must have hurt your relationship beyond repair ''why he felt the need to end the relationship...wouldn't it have been better if you told him yourself, rather than someone else tell him.
My advise to you, is to take really good care of yourself...eat 3 meals a day, join a gym,do as much exercise as you can...so you can sleep at night and go out and be with friends '' make new friends as well'' in time you either gain his trust back or you don't.
Best of luck to you...(((hugs))) I do know how you feel.

Answer 8

Well sweetie you should have told him that from the beginning, he has the right to be upset but if you guys have been best friends before you guys went out, I don't know why you would lie to him in the first place. What you need to do now is beg him for another chance. See what he says.....if he doesn't take you back......the forget him and learn from your mistake. He's probably more hurt because you guys were friends first and you told him everythig and now that you two are going out, you lie to him. My boyfriend would be upset too if I lied to him, because he doesn't like liars and neither do I. If you lie to me about one thing then you'll continue to lie. Beg to the best of your abilities babe. Good luck sweetie!

Answer 9

what was the lie? If you slept with someone else then I wouldn't blame him. Thats not right, because if you did truly love him no matter what conditions you were under you wouldn't do that...period. Im sorry, but in society today, we have to make others accountable for their actions and hold strong to it. No one ever learns when we don't. If he forgave you and welcomed you back with open arms, I'd put money on it you'd do it again. Be a good person and help yourself and then beg him for forgiveness and to take you back.

Answer 10

This is not about trust its about honesty, some secrets are best kept no matter how much you want to tell. Its not always in your best entress to tell your partner things you have done in the past. So you have to be willing to either deal with the guilt or pain of hurting someones feelings, thats life he will either get over it and forgive you or leave you.

Answer 11

Why did you have to lie about what ever you lied about. Why didn't you just tell him the truth in the first place? Because it was in the past, he could have forgoten about it if the truth was told. But was done is done. If this was about another boy, well, some guys just don't want to deal with that , some of us can't deal with it. We have too much pride for that. Anyhow, I am just assuming so i really can't say to much about it. Why not just make mends with him, considering you were friends at one time. Give him time to digest all of this. Maybe you can't repair your relationship, but at least salvage your friendship. Hope that helps .................