I'm into a relationship with a girl from my college days. Now it has been two years that we've passed out. These days she is not able to give me time and i have kept away from her because of this. We are very much steady but lately i have developed feelings for this another girl who is as beautiful as an angel. The reciprocations are equally good from her also. My family says that the second girl would be good for me on the whole with perspective of settling down. Now but i have this guilt inside me that why shud i be falling for another girl when i'm already into a relationship. This guilt is killing me day by day. I know it sounds bad, and i feel miserable about myself. Thats why i'm asking out for some good advice. Please help. From inside i also know that the second girl would be great for my family and me too. But i have feelings for my present girlfriend also. I am in a dilemna now. Please please help !!!
2007-01-27 09:22:38 · 28 answers · asked by Pulse 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The relationship with the first girl has cooled. You should harbor no guilt about it. Nurture the relationship with the second girl. Looks like she is the one.
2007-01-27 09:27:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main thing is, you need to consider what promises you made to the first girl. And what promises she has made to you. It doesn't sound like you were either married or engaged, so perhaps you just need to bite the bullet and talk it over with her.
You actually explained the situation quite well here. You might start by asking her whether she wants to see this. On the other hand, you might consider whether she would feel her privacy is violated by this question.
If you know the answer to which of those to do -- show her this or not -- you probably know her well enough to talk it over with her in a sensible fashion. She's busy, or she does not live near enough, and you need to think about finding someone who might be able to fit better into your life. You will always remember her fondly, and if she wants to stay friends then you do, too, but you understand if she would rather not.
No reason to feel guilty. People move on. That's why you take your time to consider all the angles before you make promises.
P.S. I disagree with those who say you cannot love two women. Since you do, manifestly that is not the case. What they mean, I think, is you SHOULD not love two women. I would say that was up to the women, but then I'm not fussy about monogamy, and I suspect even in the 21st century most people are.
2007-01-27 09:32:12 · answer #2 · answered by auntb93again 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships from college and high school are tricky because the relationship usually grows in this closed off, artificially set up place. And one your taken out of that envirnment ppl realize that once in "the real word" ppl change BIG TIME. It sound to me like you and your gf from college are realizing that. It sounds like you 2 shared some special memories and you should never forget that bond. However, even you are now realizing that this new girl fits into your new life in the place you are NOW. I don't think it's right to keep your old gf tied up while u make a decision because that's not fair to her. Let her know! I'm sure she'll be hurt but she can move on. And in the end you have to as yourself which girl you can stand to spend every waking moment with. Beauty and infactuation don't play a big part in day to day life.
Good Luck
2007-01-27 09:33:33 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Thang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do in this is to let the first one go. Don't keep stringing her along. You can not be steady with someone while you are developing a relationship with someone else. It isn't fair to her. It also isn't fair to the other girl. Set yourself free, give it time and see which one you really care about. If it turns out to be the first girl, try to work things out. If it is the second girl, you will not have guilt for being with her.
2007-01-27 09:30:47 · answer #4 · answered by Mis I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask girl #1 what her plans are. If she isn't able to give you the time you need right now, then make a firm decision on where the relationship is going. If you truly want to be with her, and if what's going on with her right now is temporary, you two will wait for each other. If girl #2 is tickling your fancy and you want to investigate, you have the right to do so, IF you end the relationship with girl #1. After all, you are not married and you owe it to yourself to find which relationship and person is best for you. So, based on what you're saying, it sounds to me like you should call up girl #1, end the relationship with her, and then proceed to make your relationship with girl #2 official. Girl #1 will have her feelings hurt, but the best you can do is explain that you need to "take a break" and tell her that you are trying to do the right thing by telling her how you feel. (it will hurt, but at least she will respect your honesty). Good luck.
2007-01-27 09:28:54 · answer #5 · answered by ♪ ♥ ♪ ♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very dissapointed in you, you should have never ever started this 2nd relationship. Its too late to go back and break it off before it all started so, I think you need to tell the first one that you guys are done. If you really loved this first girl, it would have never crossed your mind to cheat on her and start another relationship. So now you have a rep of cheating and your 2nd one will always wonder if you are cheating on her and she might even think its okay to cheat since you both started out like that anyway.
2007-01-27 09:28:39 · answer #6 · answered by Curly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and wait it out as long as you can in order to make the right decision for you. My guess is that you prefer the second girl but make sure it is not just a passing fancy. If you do end up picking the 2nd girl, you need to let the 1st girl know as soon as possible. It is not fair for the 1st girl to be with someone who prefers someone else. Who knows, maybe the 1st girl wants to make a change as well.
2007-01-27 09:31:30 · answer #7 · answered by BR 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I read everything you said, but it seems to me that if you truly loved either girl, you would not be having a dilema over which girl to choose. When you are in love, truly in love, and you know that a person is right for you, then you don't have to make such a choice between that person and someone else because you would already know who was right for you. My gut would tell me that neither one is the right one for me. That's just my opinion though. Good luck.
2007-01-27 09:27:55 · answer #8 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really it is up to you to choose who you like but yes the seccond girl sounds better, but you shouldn't just like her for her looks or else that relationship will end fast, if the first girl can't give you the time, how are you supposto get to know her better? Break up with the first one, remember, all relationships end anyway, do what is best for you.
2007-01-27 09:28:20 · answer #9 · answered by cyanosis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up with the one you are falling out with and get together with the one you like. If you are miserable as you said you are, you better do it fast. If you won't, you are not hurting only yourself but the two girls as well.
2007-01-27 09:26:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋