Hi mothering law and Wedding ?

Question

Hi we are getting married this year and we have changed our wedding date to 2:00pm the thing is i just thought of today that my mother in law to be is a keen drinker and when she gets drunk she is very loud and tends to get drunk and end up in a sorry full and depressed state and the im usually in the fireing line when she gets this way. Orginally the wedding was a 11:00am and on a usual day she will still be in bed so this doesnt give her chance to get to the pub, you can say she is sort of an alcoholic as she cant do with a drink and is in the pub everyday and till the night and she sleeps all day, but no one can do out about it, She even came to her daughters bridemaid dress choosing drunk as you could smell it on her and she is more forward. Im just worried she will turn up to the wedding as she will be able so squeeze a few drinks in before 2:00pm and there is people going to the wedding she doesnt get on with and like i say when she has a drink she has her say.

So what do you think i should do ? Have a quite word with her or just leave it and let her do what she does. Any advice would help me loads. Thank You

I do have my brother and his mate Kellet who is a professional boxer, So i suppose they will though her out if she gets too bad.
Its ashame they may have to

Aparantly my h2b has told her about her drinking on the wedding day but he wont of done as he doesnt want to upset her. He will tell me he told her to keep me happy but her wont have do. So i just dont know what to do.

Answer 1

Keep her away she will spoil your day or pay someone to meet her early on that day and keep her away from the drink.Tell her what you are doing stay sober or stay away.

Answer 2

So difficult for you. I speak as an addiction counsellor. Your boyfriend should speak to her but in all honesty if she is alcoholic and not ready to attempt to stop you can never be sure. However from experience sometimes the person with the problem can get through a special day, often it is 'normal' days that they are at their worst. Just have close family keeping an eye out. Hopefully if your reception is in a hotel there will be booked guest rooms where you can put her if she conks out. So sorry this could spoil your special day. However, you are not alone, if I had a penny for everyone with the same problems within their family on their wedding day I would be a rich women. Also don't worry about what others think, they know you and if anything will just feel a pity for the person with the problem.

Answer 3

Tricky one this. How about you put all the clocks back in the house by about 4 hours and then about an hour before the wedding put them all right and tell her to get a move on otherwise she willbe late; she shouldn't have too much time to have a drink then. Also make suresomeone gives her a large breakfast to sop up anything she does have. Also warn all friends and family in advance that they should take no notice of anything she says or does. Have a couple of hefty lads warned so if she does start on you on your big day they can divert her and keep her away from you.
By the way - I hope the heavy drinking does not run in the family because if it does I suggest you cancel the whole thing now anyway.

Answer 4

Wow it's funny I have the same dilemma. Except my future mother in law is rather jovial. Anyway, obviously you are not the only person who notices she gets like this so my suggestion would be to talk it over with your fiance' and see if maybe one of her children or siblings can keep a watchful eye on her for you during the ceremony and reception. As far as seating...sit her next to someone she's comfortable with. She's less likely to start some mess with someone she likes. Understand that you can't stop her from drinkin...but you can keep an eye on how much she does drink. Have her get ready at your house. Make it so she feels honored and you are using this as a chance to get closer to her. You can keep an eye out on her then. Just a few ideas I plan on using. Best of luck to you and hope everything works out for the better.

Answer 5

You could try giving her something to do on the day that would hopefully keep her out of the pub or give her time to drink to much, maybe helping set up the reception or something like that. Is there someone in the family that could shadow her for the morning to keep an eye on her, failing that get your husband- to- be to have a word with her. Hope it all works out and you have a great day.

Answer 6

I have a future mother in law that is just the same, problem with mine though is that she gets drunk and is all happy with everyone else but starts telling me to F*** off and calling me names, but she only ever does this when we are alone so no one believes how bad it is. We have decided to go abroad to get married, we haven't even told her yet because she would turn up if she knew where!
Anyway if she has to go then I suggest drugging her, its the only way to stop her spoiling your day, give her a sleeping tablet in her morning coffee, wake her up for the ceremony and then give her another in the afternoon so she goes back to sleep. Everyone else will just think she's drunk but at least she won't be abusing you. Just make sure she's not allergic to whatever you give her.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

OK- this is your wedding. Not hers, but yours.

So- seeing as you KNOW this about her (and I hope you are just painting the worst possible picture and that it will not be nearly as bad on the day!) I recommend that you talk to your fiance and ask their advice.

She is their parent after all!

Then you need to both plan to "remove" this possible "hick-up" to your special day. Trust me- you will regret it if something like this is allowed to ruin things! You have the advantage here- your day and you have "prior knowledge". Some couples have nasty surprises sprung on them on the day!

Perhaps you could have a quiet word with her before hand? Ask your fiance to do it? Both do it? What of your "sister in law bridesmaid"? The one whose fitting was the venue of her last drunken appearance? Someone can perhaps be asked to chaperone her so that she doesn't feel the need to drink and keeps sober long enough for your special day to go off without a hitch.

It is not too hard to do.

Don't wait till she embarresses herself and you- act now and make sure that she too has a lovely day! Weddings are meant to be fun!

And have a grand day when it comes!

Answer 8

This lady has a very serious problem and I don't think that you having a quiet word is really going to help. I am sure she would help her self if she could but she has gone beyond that now.
It sounds as if it has been a problem for a while so just warn as many of the other guests so no one is suprised by her activity and ask those closest to her to try and steer her aware from those who might cause her to start a scene.
or do as I did and get married in the USA and leave the family in the UK.

Answer 9

firstly its your day and u only get married once well are meant too,anyway if i were you,i would have a word with her yourself,dont rely on your h2b,as he wont want too upset his mum,
you should tell her that if she ruins your day and dont 4get its her sons day aswell,that you will never speak too her again,
also what if she had a chaparone with her all day,another family member,too make sure she cant go too pub,
i know how you feel,as when my mum drinks she can get really funny shes not load juast have too watch i dnt say wrong thing
cant you ask her too ring aa and start sorting her problem out before the day,
you are in a bad situation arent you,as its your h2b mum,and he will want her there,but i would sit down with him and tell him how you feel,that you are worried she will ruin the day,do you really want her thrown out,and have a damper on it,i dont think so,
so it needs sorting now,so i would tell her if she dosnt get help,shes not coming,if she loves her son,she will want help.
be harse,tell her its either the wedding or drink,you have too be cruel too be kind,tell her she is also slowing killing herself,
its up too you,but if i were as concerned as you are,i would tell her shes not welcome,unless she done something about her drinking
good luck!!!

Answer 10

I have a sister who is also an achoholic. Because every social situation turns ugly with her drinking, I chose not to invite her to my wedding. This is obviously not an option for you. You have to invite your future mother in law, but it is time for your future husband to show you what he is made of. HE needs to sit down with his mother and explain to her that this is a very important day for both of you and that if she doesn't feel that she can arrive at the function sober, and remain on even ground throughout, then maybe she shouldn't subject everyone to her drunkeness. It is not about her , this day is about you and her son. Don't let this woman spoil it for you. Good luck! Have a wonderful wedding - with or without her! :)

Answer 11

I think her not showing up to her son's wedding due to you not wearing a veil is a little extreme and a little nuts. This is where her son steps in and deals with his mother. If she is willing to make a big issue over this imagine when you have children. I would have your soon to be husband handle his mom and let her explain to him why she is not going to attend. After he explains to her this is not her day as you are the bride. Your attire is not the issue and your day so no veil it is. Congrats on the wedding.