We have 2 young children and are in our 30's we have thought about having another but have also thought about doing foster care to adopt. The one thing I worry about is getting a child that has been sexually abused and then them trying to abuse our children. Have you ever had this happen? Can you choose the ages of the children you get to do care for? We would really like to help a child that needs us but we have a lot of fears. Hope someone can answer these questions for us. Thanks!!!
2007-01-27 08:52:28 · 8 answers · asked by angelk 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Yes I am a foster parent. I have grown children which two were foster children that I adopted. I chose to wait until my children were all grown and experienced empty nest syndrome and got into fostering again. We have legal custody of one, and have two foster children now. We had training and have chosen to do the theraputic children. The most of these children have had sexual abuse that are in our program. You will be given a packet to look at about the childs passed history, read it very carefully, you can except or pass on the child based on info. I got to enjoy a 3 year old girl for over a year and she was adopted by her sibling. We still have contact and overnight visits with her. We bonded, and I miss her. And you can put in a age and gender but sometimes they will present one to you that is not in that range. I understand your fears, but you can have monitors in the areas they play and can hear them at all time. You will be trained in many ways to watch for things. Pray about the child before you except it. They usually need to have a room by themself and one that has been abused would be one to watch closely. We have one now that we have to watch closley, it can be done. And you can get really attacthed to these children God bless and good luck.
2007-01-27 13:06:36 · answer #1 · answered by shortansassy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi. My brother-in-law and his wife do foster care and have adopted 4 of the children they fostered. They too have two of their own.(The oldest was 5 or 6 when they started. They adopted 2 and then had one of their own and then adopted 2 more.) We too are considering foster care and had all the same questions and concerns as you. We have a 13 year old and a 2 year old and worried about bringing certain "issues" into our home. He told us that you can be "choosy" with the children you foster. He told us the best thing to do is to contact whatever your local agency is and they will give you an information packet and answer any questions you may have.
I know a lot of children need good caring "parent's". I hope that it works out for you! Good Luck!
2007-01-27 09:05:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. My husband and I have gone the foster child route. It can be very scary when you have children of your own to consider. You DO have a choice on what type of child you will care for. Gender, age, background, etc. You will recieve an entire background on what the child has experienced so you can make an educated decision. However, keep in mind, that even children who are two or three, when having been exposed to a certain lifestyle can also be very dangerous. I have heard horror stories from other foster parents, although none of that had ever happened to us.
Contact your county family services agency and start taking your classes now. It is a long process, so you can at least start your classes and then make your decision on a case-by-case basis.
Also, just a warning--in Ohio, the birth parent has 24 months to get their lives together. So, if you fall in love with a child and want to adopt them, if they are starting as a foster child, you could have them for 23 months and then they could be placed back with their parent. IF their parent screws up again, they have another 24 months to get it together. So, this child could be with you for 2 years and bond with you and your children and then be ripped from your home to go back to their original family. It can be heartbreaking for everyone involved. Be sure that you realize what you are getting into.
Added: We were also told by a social worker to wait and foster when our kids were "old enough to defend themselves." That kind of puts it into perspective.
2007-01-27 09:03:02 · answer #3 · answered by bashnick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This happened to a family member who does foster care. A sexually abused child did inappropriate things to one of their other children.
But, if you do decide to do foster care, you say yes or no to each placement. If you choose not to take in a child with a history of sexual abuse, you can do that. And yes, you get licensed for an age range but again, you can say yes or no to each placement. You may want to consider only getting children younger than your current children so if this happened, your older child would know to tell you.
2007-01-27 08:56:54 · answer #4 · answered by Trouble's Mama 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you can say what age children you are most interested in taking and then you can choose on a case by case basis whether or not to accept the children you are called about taking. You can ask if a child has been sexually abused before you take them.
2007-01-27 21:51:29 · answer #5 · answered by wisegirl1204 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think the child would be scared of people more than anything. going somewhere that she does not know. I think it would be fine, if you find a right one. they all need our help to get them out of the shell they sometimes put them selves in. you have to teach them that they can trust you and that you won't hurt them, and show them that you love them and teach them the right way. you two sound like you would be wonderful at it. I had met a little girl at the hospital. she was abused by her parent. and her foster parents did the same. but now shes going to another and I have met them. and they also have her sisters. the nurses at night would come into my sons room because she wanted me. and I use to rock her to sleep. and her new foster mom appriciated that i was there for her. they are prrecious, and no child needs to be abused. I would say go for it. help another child that needs love. the love that you and your husband can give them. good luck.
2007-01-27 09:04:55 · answer #6 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you can choose ages, but I think it is commendable that you'd consider foster care. There are a lot of kids out there who need a home. As to the abuse issue, know your kids. Watch them for any sudden behavioral changes. If you're paying close enough attention, you can usually tell something's wrong. Then you can talk to your kids to find out what's wrong with them. And for prevention, don't leave your kids and the foster kids alone together. Then they have no opportunity to do anything bad to them.
2007-01-27 08:59:51 · answer #7 · answered by Eowyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We plan on fostering someday--but not until our kids are out of the house, for reasons that you've mentioned. As much as I am willing to help other kids, I will NEVER put my children in harm's way. Until that time we are helping in other ways--CASA (www.nationalcasa.org), boys and girls club, donations, mentoring.
2007-01-27 09:00:53 · answer #8 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋