When you lose a parent...........?

Question

do you find yourself wondering what they'd make of your life if they can now see what happens to you? Its just I lost my Dad 13 months ago and since then my life has been a nightmare and I know my Dad would have been really dissapointed in me if he could see me now! I feel so bad for letting him down....anyone else gone through this? Also any tips on knowing if you have started the grieving process or not? thanks guys

Thanks Bmac, I needed kicking up the bum!! I rated your answer x. Basically im pregnant with my third child and am going to be a single mum..think my Dad would think ive made a mess of stuff?

Answer 1

I lost my dad 10 years ago, I was devastated. My dad had stomach cancer and went through a lot of pain. I was into a lot of drugs and an alcolholic before he died. He suffered alot of severe pain because I would be too zonked to take him to the ER. How ashamed I was and still am of that. I promised him I would quit using if he would promise me he would live. He couldn't keep his promise, but I did. I have been clean for 10 years and I know he is proud of me for that. My kids are so much happier now, and I am too. I make peace everyday with myself cause i am living the way he would approve of and my kids are proud of me. It is time to stop greiving cause you can't make him proud by doing that. Make him proud by living the way he would want you too. Make yourself and your kids proud of you. Make your dad proud, he is watching you, you know? Take care and let time heal you and your memories of your dad comfort you always.

Answer 2

I've lost both my parents and it took me a year to get over it, last year I lost my sister and I am just starting to get over it now.
The grieving should be about finished within a year. You will always think about them, but it will get easier. The problem with you is that you think your Dad would be disappointed with you and therefore your grieving goes on, it has become more of a guilt then grieve. You need to let go and tell yourself, no matter what happened in the last year, your Dad will not be disappointed, if he would have been there, it might have never happened and even if it did, in the end he would have been supportive because you're his daughter. That's what good parents do.
Tomorrow starts another day, sit yourself down and write a letter to your Dad, pour your heart out, it will be a cleansing for you too.
If he's buried, go to the cemetery and bury the letter underneath the dirt. If he cremated, after you read the letter again, burn it.
That what I am going to do when I get to my sister's grave in May as she lived oversees. I tell you, just writing it was a big help for me.
Good Luck with your life.

Answer 3

I lost my Dad on the 21st of December 2006. so I know what you mean.I'm sure that he wouldn't be dissapointed in what I do with my life. I would like to think that he realises that I have to do my own thing even though it may not be the way he would have done it.As for the grieving process everybody goes through it at different rates it can take 10 years to grieve properly, the best you can do is to take one day at a time and try to get over the low days as best you can.I'm finding it helps to remember the funny things that happened while he was alive.Most of the time I can think of him now without crying but it's the little things that get to you when you least expect it.It helps if you keep talking about it as it helps you to come to terms with it.My Mum and I speak about dad every other day and have a good old laugh and cry together.

Answer 4

I lost my Dad 3 weeks ago. I know how you feel. It's like your world as you knew it doesn't exist anymore. I keep telling myself it will get better and some days are but it is the most difficult time of my life. Please don't feel ashamed of the life you have led in the last few months ..grieve does weird things. I'm sure your dad is watching and is still very proud of you. As a parent myself I know there is nothing my children could do to make me love them any less. We just do the best we can do and hope that someday all the pieces will fall into place. Good luck Hun.

Answer 5

sorry to hear you aren't coping to well. my cousin died when i was 11, a week before i was starting senior school. she was only 14. It hurt like hell and i still grieve now when i feel down. But i know she will be laughing at me thinking you silly fool. she would just think im wasting my time moping about. i am sure your dad would feel the same. Its always going to be hard its rubbish if people say it wont...u will always have him in your heart. but you learn to get on with life and even though that special person isn't around life gets better and easier. Please dont spend your time worrying what your dad thinks.. he will love you no matter what you do and will always watch over you. I hope i have helped a bit because i no how hard it is. Just keep your chin up and keep a big smile for your dad! :-)

Answer 6

Well first i am so sorry for your loss!! I have not lost a parent but i have lost my grandparents who practically raised me.I have felt the same way as you..i am ashamed my life has been a disaster and i am sure my grandparents are looking down wondering "What the hell is she doing now"!!!I am sure your dad wants nothing but the best for you and DOES understand that we all make mistakes and don't always make the wisest decisions!! Boy do i know that.As far as grieving...we all grieve in different ways..i wish i could tell you it will be easy but Time really does help to heal the heart........i wish you lot's of luck!!!!

Answer 7

I've lost both my parents (careless, I know!). In my case the grieving was much harder with my father, with whom I'd had a difficult relationship. As an adult (me), we had begun to get closer but he died before the process was complete. That was very hard for me because there was unfinished business.
My mother died nearly seven years later. We'd always had a close relationship. When she died, of course I missed her (and still do), but there wasn't the angst I'd experienced before. There was nothing left unsaid and I could let her go.

I'm conscious of what my parents would think of me. I think they would want me to be happy. I make mistakes sometimes, I think they would sympathise and if they could help, they would. I think they would also forgive, as I'm sure your parents do.

Don't judge yourself by what you perceive your parents' standards to be. The best thing you can do for them, and for yourself, is to live your life the best way you can. Sometimes that involves making mistakes and learning from those. Don't judge yourself too harshly.

You are grieving (it's a long process). It gets easier. Good luck.

Answer 8

Hey sweet feels like your going through a real rough time.
I haven't lost a parent, and that is a fear for me. But i know what its like to loose someone you love.

Life has been a nightmare because you have lost someone you love it sounds like you are already grieving. I don't think your dad would want you to be worrying if you feel that you have let him down, he probably wants to see you happy and smiling again not punishing yourself.

Things will get better x

Answer 9

Letting HIM down? You do know, that only YOU have control of your life. Yes, bad things do happen to good people, but you make it sound like you have caused the "nightmare" you've been going through. A death in the family is NO excuse for bad behavior. You've started the grieving process--when moment he died. You have only let yourself down. It's your life and you can't live it for anyone else but you. You aren't happy. And that is what your father would surely want for you--no matter what---is for you to be happy.

So, get off your pity-pot and do something about your bad situation. THAT would make your father proud.

My father died in 1970, my mother in 1993, my sister in 2003.

Answer 10

I think your Dad would be proud of the way you handle the situation. He ll be watching over you and will never ever be disappointed in you. My Dad died when I was 12 and I always wonder what he thinks of the adult me. Hopefully he rates me as someone he gave a great start to in life and like you I always think a lot about whether he s proud of me or not. But in my heart of hearts I know he watches,smiles and is proud of me just for being me.I m sure yours is too. You are his daughter and that can never change. Take care.