Experts without children?

Question

This is a question for anyone but im looking for people without kids that give advice on child rearing.

I am a mom of three. I have been raising kids since I was 16 years old.My question is... Why is it that people without kids think they know more about raising a child than most parents? I have be approched by people without kids and told "Oh you cant do that" or "you shouldnt do this" or "this is how you do it". It really aggrivates me. My kids are are great kids and they do mess up but they are overall great kids. I have not beat my kids but I will spank them. There are great parents out there with a wealth of knowledge but they will not always speak up. You get these "college educated" people that dont have actual experience trying to give more advice (not just on this board) and holding office like in the Office of family support as a Child Protection Officer hince my former neighbor who is just 26 years old no kids. WHY?

I am not trying to offend anyone I just want opions on this matter.

Answer 1

I completly agree with you. I do have children, and some people think that because they have been educated they know better, and they are experts on the matter of child rearing. They do not have to deal with the day to day responsibilites of rasing a child. I have a special needs child, and I am a single mother. My older sister has her college degree, and is constantly telling me how I need to raise my child. She has no children, and has no wish to ever have children. Because she has a degree she believes she is the utmost expert. Well until she watches my son for a few hours then she'll keep her mouth shut for a while.

Answer 2

I don't have any kids and any advice I give is based on how my parents raised me. I don't give people advice unless they ask for it and I don't criticize people unless they are doing something overly dangerous.

I think it is one of those things where some people don't realize how difficult it is to raise a child. They expect every mom to be the "supermom" who can raise a baby, keep a clean house, and be financially well off.
I think that is ridiculous.

I can't understand how you feel, but I sort of understand because of babysitting and my dog.
When I babysat this 4 year old I would be told by people in the mall how to take care of the child and looked at like I was the 20 year old mother of him. I wasn't and didn't need their advice. I know how to watch the boy without having him come into danger, and can't really do too much besides make him go home and have a time out if he throws a tantrum.
With my dog, she is on a pinch collar. I have had so many people tell me that I am hurting my dog or not raising her right or that by putting her on a pinch collar I am going to psychologically harm her. I know I'm not. The vet knows I'm not. I have honest to god had people tell me that to punish my dog I don't even need a collar, I just need to say a firm "no" and she will learn. I gave the leash to one of those people one day, the dog pulled non stop, ignored them, and they gave her back looking guilty.

People just don't know the situation of the individual person. They believe that their way is the right way and that it will always be the right way.

I would LOVE to see them take care of one of those electronic dolls they give you in highschool, let alone a real baby.

Don't listen to people who criticize you. It sounds like you are doing a great job raising your kids and they are turning out to be good, smart people!

PS. You would love this show on TLC where they take a family member that criticize the mother for not doing a good job raising the kids and makes them take over for the weekend. EVERYTIME the person who originally criticized feels badly at the end of a hectic weekend.

Answer 3

I'm not defending all people here. There are a lot of childless people who are a little too forward in offering their suggestions for raising children. I don't have children and it bothers me when you get people who say "well this expert say that you should do this and blah blah blah" and offer their educational standpoints. I have 2 young siblings and 2 young nephews and my mom has done a little daycare, so I have some experience with children, even though I have none of my own. I will give my opinion only when people ask, and I am happy to tell them that I am no expert or no parent. I guess there are just people out there who always know the right thing, and the rigth way to do things. And those people who are always right are always more than willing to tell everyone else how they are wrong and how they should be doing things.

Answer 4

I agree with you totally!!!! There is a big difference between book smarts and actual hands on experience. I don't think people who don't have children of their own or have been around children or helped raise a child shouldn't really give input on what other mothers should be doing with their kids (within reason) Some people think well I have a degree in this and a degree in that but that doesn't mean anything to mothers if you don't have kids yourself. I mean I do accept advice from others that do or don't have kids but I value the advice from the ones who have kids as opposed to the ones who have all of these degrees in whatever. It is easy to say oh no don't do that with your kids and you shouldn't spank your children because this book says this about that. Seriously that irritates me because they don't know what you are going through. There is no book or degree out there that can make you fully aware of motherhood it is something that is a hands on experience only.

Answer 5

Probably for the same reason many parents will try to analyze the lives of child-free people they meet and tell them how sad their life must be without kids. Seems pointless, but people have a need to be right and they feel smart telling others what to do. It happens from grade school to retirement home.

Don't listen to what some nut-bag tells you. If you're confident about what you do as a parent, then go with it, and if you do have questions, seek them from professionals, rather than folks on forums or anywhere else.

Answer 6

Ok I am one more person with a child that totaly agrees with you on this question. In my oppenion people with the degree and no children telling us how to raise our children are the reson we can not disapline our children today. They say spanking is wrong and doesn't teach the child anything well I am sorry but untill they have had to tell thier child NO and STAY OUT OF THAT about a hundred and fifty times to have no affect when they are 1 1/2 years old tell me that giving thier little hands a smack is wrong and doesn't do any good! It is those with the degree telling us how to run our homes and raise our children that is making this world worse off because the children are out of control.

Answer 7

Oh my gosh, I hear you!!! I have 4 kids (2-9) and I get advice all the time from people with no kids.. or better yet, my MIL who only had one and feels that she knows how my house "should" be run. It's a totally different world with 4 kids than 1 and that was a long time ago. I understand if the person has a degree in childhood development but I think you're just talking about people in general who make themselves experts but haven't lived a day of it!!

Answer 8

You must understand that human reproduction has been going on for many thousands of years. Any fertile human being can reproduce, but not any reproductive human being can be a good parent. I don't have any children, but simply based on the fact of having been raised correctly, I know good parenting when I see it. When I say that I was raised correctly, I'm not just speaking of my parents. There were many people who played a role in that aspect of my life and not all of them had children of their own. It's insulting to think that just because an individual can lay down have sex and bear a child that they know what they are doing as opposed to one who has never given birth by virtue of that fact. Some of the best parenting skills have been displayed by people without children, and some of the worst child rearing has been practiced by actual biological parents from what I have personally witnessed. Then the parents wonder why their offspring are such poorly functional human beings that no one wants to be around. You reap what you sow.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

well for me personally I've taken parenting classes, early child education courses, and psyc classes. I know a fair deal about children and their development. I've read case stuides on things like spanking, and how its not the best option for child-rearing.
when I was younger I babysat, I'll still watch my younger cousins here and there (for quality time, not money)
I think I have enough experience to give an opinion.