How can I talk to my mother in law without causing an argument?

Question

My MIL babysat my kids for the 1st time last night. Although I appriciate the help, some of it I can do without. I laid out my 22 mo old son's dinner for the evening, hes on a strict diet from the doctor because he suffers from constipation. She knows this yet she fed him what she was eating instead, "because he liked it better" it was some potato casserole or something that contained alot of starch. Now I have to up his dose of Miralax he on daily so hes not screaming when he has to do his duty. My daughter is 6 1/2 mo and is still getting adjusted to babyfood. To get her to eat it, she put sugar in it! I dont bribe her with sweets if she doesnt want to eat. If kids arent hungry, dont force them. She gave my son a sucker around 7 and his bedtime is an hr and 1/2 later. He was bouncing off the walls when we came home. She put their diapers on too loose and they were falling down and leaking. I tightened them a bit and she told me I was wrong and it would hurt them. I had to show her...

...that they are stretchy and wont hurt them. She still didnt believe me. She complained that my daughter felt cold and turned our heater up to almost 80 and took her socks off. She made a huge mess in my kitchen that I had just finished cleaning b4 she came over and left it there when she left. She leaves dirty diapers in the floor and my puppy got ahold of one. I was playing with my son (tickling him) he was laughing and she told me he didnt like that! How do I approach her. I thanked her for the help, but when I said anything else, she got ticked off and told me I have no right speaking to her that way and that she was grandma and should be allowed to do anything she wants. I have never given her a reason to hate me, does she do it for spite? How do I talk to her?

My husband paid her to babysit cause she needs the money. She said she hated me in the past, and is quite rude to me and Ive been nothing but nice to her.

Answer 1

I'm here to tell you, honey, that your mother-in-law probably won't change. But give her a few more chances anyway. Before she comes over, write down instructions. However, don't write or type a whole page and expect her to read it. Make it sort of in outline form, and keep it in simple sentences. If she still doesn't follow the rules, then take her to lunch or dinner sometime - - - maybe just the 2 of you - - - and explain to her that she's a good grandmother and that you respect her, but that you and your husband need her support when it comes to certain things like what to feed the children. Be as nice to her as you possibly can, and let the other minor stuff go. The diaper incident is a minor thing and spoiling them a little is something every grandmother looks forward to. Hmmmm..... I'd let the kitchen mess pass by me too, I think and just deal with it as part of the babysitting "fee".

You have my utmost sympathy and understanding. I had to deal with much of the same thing when my kids were infants. But I had a father-in-law that gave them chewing gum when they were under a year old and also gave them his dirty old chapstick to put in their mouths! (Can you hear me screaming?) There's a lot more that I dealt with, but thankfully, I survived. You will too and just concentrate on being the best mom ever and don't let your kids ever see that some of the things grandma does gets to you.

I also hope your husband will support you in this and not shy away from standing up to his mom. But don't ever put him in the middle,okay? It's not worth the stain it will put on your marriage. This is just the first of many tests that will come along. Show him you love him even if he won't tell his mom to straighten up and follow the rules.

Answer 2

Well where to Begin. First you might want to explain to her how important it is for your child to follow his diet, sounds like she must not understand it or maybe does not believe the child has a problem. Maybe go to a medical site and print it off for her to read and understand. next, you may be alittle picky about the diaper thing most of us grandmothers are not use to the new diapers and how they work now. You have to ask your self did you want your MIL to do housework or watch the kids? So at that point the kitchen mess can be over looked as she apparently was watching the kids. Remember every house hold does things alittle different than you do. If you do not want certain things given to your children you have to let that be known ,because no two people will raise a child the same way. Just talk nicely to her explain things on a nice note, she most likely felt your disapproval and was being defensive about the whole thing. It most likely made her feel like she had done something terribly wrong, and no grandmother will intentionally harm there grandchildren. It is even harder when it is the MIL to be babysitting because for some reason there there is a wall there that some times can not be breached. Do you have a good relationship her? She raised your husband and apparently he survived. Just talk to her.

Answer 3

It sounds like at this point, you need to stress your rules even if it causes an argument. Your kids need to be treated with very special care and she needs to understand that you are the mother of these kids and you know best. I don't think she'll hate you after you have this conversation with her but I think she'll respect you more as a mother, a wife, and a daughter-in-law. Sit her down and have a conversation with her about what she did right and wrong, point out to her that you don't care if this causes tension but this is what she needs to understand for your kids' health. Let her know that you hope she can respect you as a mother, a wife, and a daughter-in-law.

Answer 4

My MIL is just like yours and this is what I did. I had three big blow ups with her and she cried and went on for weeks and weeks and turned the whole family against me. So I must say speaking up dose not always work when it comes to MIL.
Most of the time they are right and will go on and on and on until they win and you stress and never sleep with worry. Because all you want is for you all to get along and be able to play happy family's.
In the end don't get her to baby sit. I find it to stress full and you do not enjoy myself because you are already thinking about what you will walk in and find.
Have you spoken with your husband about his mother?
Make sure you do it helps. You don't want to confront her with him not knowing that's for sure. I find it interesting what my MIL says to my husband when i am out of ear shoot.
All I can say is Good luck. My husband and I moved 700K's away so we could get along and not have her in our business all the time.
P.S Give your eldest a little sugar on his wheatbix and he will go to the toilet alittle better.

Answer 5

All people are different and we learn as we grow. Your mother-in-law may have had evil intentions or she may have just been trying to make sure the kids like her. I think that you should not ask her to babysit anymore and just maintain your relationship with her. There's no need to say anything that may upset her or change how she feels about you. Just find a different baby sitter.

Answer 6

Every generation has its own way of thinking. Your MIL is not spiteful, but she thinks she knows the best. To maintain cordial relations don't ask her to babysit again, make other arrangements, because she will do the same thing again, however hard you try to explain.

Answer 7

Tell her when it comes to your kids, you will speak anyway you like. You make the rules for your kids just like she made the rules for her kids and don't ever try to underestimate your parenting skills again. Never ask her to babysit again, she's the babysitter from Hell.

Answer 8

Tell ur MIL to get a grip.... or just add an F to the MIL...and keep her busy with guys so she's not there to be a pain.