omigod, am I turning my kid into a brat?

Question

I think i am a good mom, but people tell me that my 2-yr-old daughter only cries and whines when i am in the room. When she is whining about something, i want to see what is wrong because i know that she can't communicate properly with me yet. But when i know she is whining i tell her to be quiet. she threw a fit at the mall the other day cause she didn't want to go home, and my friend told me her kids would never act like that, and if they did she would spank them many times.
Do i need to be stricter? she's a sweet child besides the occassional fits with me.

Answer 1

My oldest is 5 and she use to throw fits with her momma when she was two. It wasn't until she turned two that my wife put her foot down and let her know that she wasn't going to run over her, and yes she had to use time outs and spanks to get the point across. My son is 18 months and doesn't have fits yet. He gets whiney when he is hungry or tired. You can also try showing her that those fits won't get her what she wants. If she is having a fit for candy or a toy. Walk away from the toys don't give her one, don't yell at her or spank, put her back in the cart if she trys to get out or if she is walking with you tell her come on and walk away. Don't let her out of your sight of course because you simply can't trust that some one won't take her. If you walk away and she doesn't come with go get and make her come with you. Under no curcumstances do not give her what she wants. Don't let anybody around you bother you. She didn't get like this in a day so it will take more than a day to fix it. But, she will learn that she's not going to always get what she wants. When she starts listening to you, give her little rewards for being mommy's good little girl. And it is also helpful to use to different tones of voice with her your normal everyday voice and a voice that says I mean business. That way she knows when mommy is fine and when mommy is not. You are not the only one out there. I thought my wife was, but i found that everytime I went to the store I saw other women struggle to keep there composure about themselves as they minded they child or childern.

Answer 2

Only you can decide whether your child needs stricter parenting or not. Don't do anything just because someone else does. That being said, maybe you should take a look at your parenting style. If you respond every time that your child whines, she will not learn to use her words, why when whining works? Try waiting for her to come to you instead of running every time she whines. This will allow her time to try and fix the problem herself (problem solving skills) or seek you out for help which is also an important thing to learn. Keep in mind as you think of ways to help your daughter become more well behaved that she is only 2 yrs. old and they are called the 'terrible two's' for a reason. Good luck!

Answer 3

If by being stricter, you mean spanking, I would say NO. Just make sure you are being consistent and firm with her. If you say no, mean no, and don't give in. If she is throwing a fit because she isn't getting something she wants you need to do a few things. First and most important, stay calm. It is hard to do, but both of you upset won't help anything. Secondly, you need to stand your ground on what you said. No matter how much of a fit she is throwing, do not change the answer you gave her. Tell her that you will wait until her fit is over and then you will continue with what you need to do. If you do this consistently, she will learn that her fits don't make her get her way, and they will stop. It will not happen overnight, but you need to be consistent. If you give in to her fit just once, you will be starting all over again from the beginning. Good luck. You can be a great mom, and two year olds are known for testing their parents. Trust your feelings, and if your friends are truly your friends, they wouldn't make comments like that. Everyone is different and every child is different. Consistency is the key. Take care.

Answer 4

You have to realize that every time you respond to the whining you are actually giving a POSITIVE reinforcement. This teaches the child that thisis the way to get what they want. You know the difference between responding to your child's screams and their whines. She will never have a reason to communicate properly with you as long as you make this a positive behavior. You have to actually be strong enough to ignore the whining and use behavior modification on this problem. Let her know that you will not respond to the whining and then when you hear it be firm say "mommy doesn't understand when you talk like that". Of course when she gets it right praise her and you will have the results you want in no time...

Answer 5

My son is 11 months old. He tries the almost the same stuff. He whines when we take him to leave a place, or if he's tired of being there and tries to walk away on his own. We tel him no, and if he doens't listen we pop him on the leg. Not hard, but enough to get his attention, usually he stops then. He's learned the word 'no' already from many smacks on the hand, so he usually listens. Sometimes he whines, cries, or screams... i think just to see if he can get away with it because there's a lot of people around. It's hard, but sometimes we just let him keep trying to get his way by screaming and everyone thinks we have a brat, but oh well.

Answer 6

All kids are like that with their parents and better when mommy/daddy isn't around. That's perfectly normal. I was a rotten child (and I admit it). A public fit thrower. There were many times that we'd be in the grocery store and I'd start in. Mom left a full cart sitting in the middle of an isle on more than one occassion. Now, I'm struggling with my kids and their attitude towards me. My mom wasn't a push over and neither am I. I'm actually pretty strict, but they still do it. Unless your friend is beating the tar out of her kids, I find it hard to believe that her kids are perfect. All kids do it at some point, some worse than others. Your daughter might grow out of it. You just need to find what works for you to control the situation...everyone is different and all kids are different. What works for one, might not work for another.

Wishing you the best!!!

Answer 7

Most children misbehave for their parents and not for other people. My three year old is a perfect angel(or so I am told) at preschool, and he is far from it when I am around. My friends daughter did the same thing. Soon she will be able to talk better and probably wont whine as much, shes just fustrated that you dont understand. My boys do the same thing when they dont want to leave or go somewhere. All you have to do is try and help her with her talking and then tell her that if she wont stop whinning that you are not going to listen to her (its amazing what kids understand when they cant talk). Dont worry about your friend, every child is different and one day her child will have a tantrum and she will realize that her child is no different from the rest of ours.

Answer 8

I think you need to be more strict, but I don't believe spanking is an effective punishment - you don't want your child to listen to you out of fear, but rather out of understanding. Although she cannot communicate, at 2 years, she definitely understands what is going on, and believes that she has trained you to follow her orders by simply crying. When she cries, I think you should just talk to her, explain why she cannot cry and/or have whatever it is she wants, and then let her cry until she stops (don't be attentive at the times that she is unreasonable). Eventually she will understand that crying will not get her everything she wants. It may take some time (meaning she will probably have crying marathons the first few times), but in the end, it is better for both you and your daughter. I don't have kids, but I have nephews and nieces who listens to me and behaves because I ignore them and let them cry when they are being unreasonable (and they understand this). When they stop crying, then they come back to play with me.

BE STRONG!!

Answer 9

Make a point to completely, totally ignore her when she whines. Dont give her any kind of reaction at all. (She will start acting out worse at first.) Make a big deal about her and give her lots of attention when she is acting the way you want her to. You will notice the behavior subside slowly until eventually she will get over herself.

Spanking is a quick fix doesn't work long term. 1) Eventually she will be as big as or bigger than you. 2) It also can cause her to lose trust in you. You are going to want her to trust you in the teen years! Fear is not the best way to govern. My way may take weeks or even months but its a permanent solution. (Plus you can sit back and laugh at your friends going nuts when their kids turn 14)

Answer 10

I absolutely don't believe in spanking your child, even California right now is trying to pass a law that no children under the age of 4 shall be allowed spankings, otherwise the adult could get a misdemeanor charge against them! i think your doing fine as a parent, it just sounds to me like your daughter has some anxiety issues. try putting her into play groups with other kids everyother day. Find out what her fav. cartoon character is, and tell her that they don't act like that, if they do they get a time out, and then give her one! take away her fav. toy until she behaves. Whatever you do just ignore her when she throws a fit! Its all about attention, and your giving it to her, the next time she does it in public, tell her that your leaving her there, because your not putting up with it. As for your friend who spanks her kids, they probably don't throw fits anymore, because they are afraid of their mom beating them! your doing fine though just relax, you'll get through the terrible twos eventually!