I love my parents very much, but my mom seems to try and see what is going on when my fiance and I have an argument. My mom call a few days ago and she over heard my fiance giving me attitude (we had a little argument before my mom called) She said " well he doesnt have to yell at you like that" I told my mom it wasnt what we were talking about, but something else. I told her, "mom just stop, it is about something else" That seems to quiet her.
Now today she calls, makes small talk, and asks if my fiance is home. I told her no, he is at work. Then she brings it up again. She asks what was that about last night, him yelling at you and stuff. I told her it was nothing and it was between me and him. She said, Oh it isnt about that one issue you had a while ago is it? I said no mom, nothing to do with that. Then she says, well what is sooo bad that you cant tell me?? I said mom, it has to do with his work, they are being dumb about something. She seemed to sound that she was satisfied....
2007-01-27 05:40:19 · 6 answers · asked by TeraBytes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She seemed to be ok with that answer. I am now mad at myself because I told her part of the issue. My fiance didnt want me to tell anyone about it. I dont know why I couldnt be firm and tell her politely that it is none of her business. I just would feel bad if i said that. I know she is just being nosy because she loves me and doesnt want me to get hurt but, I'm on my own now..she needs to back off a little. She is concerened I know about if my fiance is treating me right. I had a verbally & mentally abusive boyfriend for a few years before and she is scared it will happen again.
How can I get her to realize gently that I'm getting married this year, I love my fiance and he loves me dearly, and it is time for her to let US deal with our problems on our own, that i'm not a little girl anymore..she doesnt have to protect me.
I'm 22 yrs old and my fiance is 23. I'm sure she thinks we are too young too. How can I deal with this nosy issue gently w/o harming my mom & I's relationship?
2007-01-27 05:44:41 · update #1
you need to tell her that while you appreciate her concern it is time for her to mind her business. But not to worry she raised you right and if you are in trouble you will call her.
2007-01-27 07:46:24 · answer #1 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is concerned for you. she is older and sees things differently then you do. and let me tell you something, if you should ever have kids you will realize and appreciate what she was doing, she was doing what any mother with natural maternal instincts do, protect, protect and make sure NO ONE is hurting her baby. i dont' care how old you tell me you are, you will ALWAYS be her baby and she will always care. and that is the way it should be. and maybe she wants you to realize that if he is talking to you like that now and you aren't even married yet, then what makes you think it will be any better after you say i do? let me tell you, it doesn't get better or easier when you are married, it gets worse and harder. id ont' care what you guys were discussing, yelling doesn't solve anyting. the fire gets hotter, it doesn't cool down. no one deserves to be yelled at. are parents sometimes too in the middle sometimes, well yes i know, but you have to realize, she spent her whole life dedicated to you and your safety, what makes you think she can just stop after you turn 18, or 21 or after college. and another thing, if you should get married and have children, who do you think will be the first person to make sure you are ok and see if you want and need help because she knows how hard it is in the beggining and when its your first time. its dam right scary. just love her and appreciate how much she does love you. there are plenty of moms who can care less and don't care the way people treat their kids. i wish you well.
2007-01-27 15:23:42 · answer #2 · answered by bimmer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh God, I went through the same thing with my mom when I was engaged. We were always very close and when I married, I turned to my husband for things that I normally spoke to her about.
I think she kind of felt 'left out' because she didn't know so much about me anymore. Plus, like you, she overheard us arguing (loudly) LOL
She might be worried about you or maybe she's thinking that there might be abuse in the relationship because of what she heard? Or she's just being nosy.
I eventually had to talk with my mom. I explained that I loved her and my dad very much and I understood that she might be concerned about me, but there's nothing to worry about. If there every was a problem, to trust me, I know I could go to her. Also that she needs to respect my husband and I privacy. Yes, we had arguments, but it was nothing major, just different point of views, not agreeing on something....but we worked them out and forgave each other.
When I didn't want to discuss things regarding my fiance/husband, that she needs to trust me and let the subject drop if I don't want to answer.
Honestly, she was a little mad and hurt for a while, but things smoothed out and she eventually understood.
2007-01-27 14:09:22 · answer #3 · answered by cajun24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Moms are going to worry. Like you, my mom is always on my back about my b/f and my arguments, because if i talk about them, i tell from my point of view, which is the one you know best. Then your mom will assume, like mine, that everything is his fault. Next time she bugs you, tell her you are a big girl, you can handle it, and she needs to let you be an adult. If there was something more sinister going on, you were taught by her long ago to not be treated that way. Good luck!
2007-01-27 13:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by kissamoose217 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had this same issue with his mom calling at the worst times and trying to find out what we were fighting about and so i told her that it is a private issue and i would rather work it out with her son before i solicit any of her advice. she got a little cranky but now knows to respect the boundarys. when i want her advice i ask when i dont she now knows better than to put her two cents in...
2007-01-27 13:48:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Copy your question here and e-mail it to her. You need to be honest with her, just like you were her, and tell her that you don't want to upset you, but you need to be allowed to have your own life with your fiance. Let her know that it isn't against her, but that there are things in relationships that are private, and you would like it if she could respect that. It might be easier for you, and it might be more clear for her, if you send her an e-mail or letter.
2007-01-27 13:53:11 · answer #6 · answered by eurovac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋