My brother says I ruined his life because I am a girl and I was smarter in school that he was. What to do?

Question

There were a lot of boys in my family and then me. So in a way, I was a favored child, being the only girl. I was very bright and strong and could do just about anything well that I tried. The brother in question is less than a year older than I am. I think he felt over looked. He also has a learning disability. We fought as siblings do, but always made up when we were young. After being abandoned by our mother, he turned against me with a vengence. He was 9 and I was 10. A year later, our Dad died and it got even worse. He blames all his woes on me. Gave me a long list of offenses like - my friend said something to him that hurt his feelings when we were kids, or that I used to pound on him when we were little, or that because I got good grades, I made him feel stupid. He says he hates me. We are past middle age now and this only came out a few years ago. Now he won't speak to me! What can I do?

Answer 1

i must say... to loose a relationship with your brother would be very hard, and with all that you BOTH have been through he instead took it a totally differant approch, he used anger to cover his feelings and used you to blame it on... now you have the felling of rejection from your brother and probably family and the only thing that you can do is ask what went wrong? God puts things in our lives that we are always asking why why why. and believe it or not there is a reason... perhaps your brother is taking this path to figure something out in his life and needs to realize how important family really is. give him time a pray for him he needs it now more then ever he is alone... pray for the guidence to give you strength also to get through this, and take time to realize how important he really is to you... when he comes back don't hold a grudge hold our your arms and welcome him back...

Answer 2

Well im very sorry to hear that he won't talk to you. This is an awful situation and it's sad that he's holding onto the past like that. When someone feels like that there not wanted or outcasted as a child it can affect them a lot. There is no reason you two shouldn't sit down like the adults you are and talk about this now. You said you are both middle age or older and you should really have a good relationship, life is to short to forget the ones we love. If he won't speak directly to you try something like writing him a letter, you know how he feels but he needs to know what you feel if that makes any sense. I have a brother and we have about the same age difference and of course we fought when we were younger and always were competitive but now since we have grown up this has changed and he's also my friend. If he won't respond to something like a letter or phone call and he doesn't even want to take the time to understand that there is more than one side here it's his loss and you must go on living your life. You can't fret on the past you must look at the future. Best of luck to both of you, I hope you hear from him.

Answer 3

Sounds like your brother has issues that he needs to deal with. You didn't do anything wrong by being the best that you could be as long as you didn't do anything to try to make him feel stupid. Just be sure that he knows that you love him, and there's not really much else that you can do. Until he deals with what's bothering him, then he's probably not going to change. He's been holding onto these feelings for a very long time.

Answer 4

He is responsible for his own life an his own fate. Blaming you is easier than facing the truth. These are the actions of a true loser. If you are past middle age, do not expect him to get better, just tell him to stay away from you until he grows up. If he is not speaking to you, what are you really missing? Enjoy your life without him. He is selfish and cares nothing for you.

Answer 5

It is obvious that you intimidate him. First, you cannot take responsibility for how your parents chose to treat you and your siblings. That one is out of your hands. If he chooses to behave this way, there is little you can do about it. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own feelings and actions. You cannot "make him feel stupid" as only he can do that to himself. Blaming his woes on you is his defense mechanism for not knowing how to take responsibility for himself-it is easier to point the finger at someone else than take the blame for causing your own situation. When he says he hates you, he really means he hates himself. If he wants to be angry, he should be angry at your parents, not you. Tell him you love him, suggest counseling, and then stand up to his abuse and let the cards fall where they may. You aren't doing him any favors by arguing with his irrational thoughts. He needs a good counselor who will tell him to grow up and then show him how to do that.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear your story friend.

You can do 2 things, as far as I can see

(1) Do nothing. That is always an option.

(2) Carry on contacting him occasionally.....just general family get-togethers for example, and make it clear that you love and support him. Be prepared to be rejected. But eventually he may come round.

Above all, don't blame yourself. He had some tough breaks but none of them were your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

i dont understand why your mom acts like this. Your brother has 2 kids and hes 17 and you have none and she doesnt trust you? Makes no sense. Im sorry but if my brother had a snobby *** ***** living in the house i would beat her *** senseless and rip the fake hair out of her head. aha im a fighter sorry. But your mom needs to stop getting mad. Your turning 18 i think you can make your own decisions. Shes scared your gonna get pregnant? when your brother has 2 kids with 2 different girls. Ok now im pissed. haha. But seriously if i were in your place and she wasnt pregnant i would beat her god damn ***. You wanna disrespect me go ahead but prepare to get your *** kicked out of my house(: good luck and so sorry you must be really mad. I know this probably didnt help but whatever(: oh and talk to your mom and give her warnings. like if you dont stop and listen to me and stop taking there side im done and moving out. And when your gone she will miss you and blame herself.

Answer 8

What people think about you is none of your business. It's not about you, it's about him. Take care of yourself. Journal about this or get therapy to get through it. You have let him make his problem yours.
He needs to get over it and move on. Nothing you can do will make this happen for him.
If it were me, I'd send him letters with happy memories from your childhood, which there have to be a few of. I'd send cards on holidays. Thinking of you cards. Otherwise, I wouldn't try to call him or see him until he's ready. Just tell him in the cards or letters that you love him and that you'll always be there for him if and when he needs you.

Answer 9

I think, not to over simplify, but I think this is HIS problem, not yours. He probably was over looked, no doubt, he has a perfect place to put all his current problems, right in your lap. Try not to let it bother you, you didn't do anything wrong, unless being bright is wrong.
I knnow of a very similar situation, not to mention my own, see, I am just like your brother, smarter sister and over looked, I don't blame her for the favoritism, I blame muy parents....good luck..

Answer 10

Give him the name of a good counselor and tell him to go. Sounds like you are his fall guy(girl). Some people need to have someone to blame their troubles in life on and it sounds like you are it. He needs to get a life and start making the right choices as that is what life is all about.