How to handle girlfriends past history with family?

Question

Hello, I have been dating this girl 4 almost 2 years both her & I are attending college and im a deputy full time as well (she is 19 im 21). She comes from a abusive family & lucky enough her brother & his wife took her in five years ago this has affected her several ways. She has the best personality and I love her to death, I do anything for her I can. But she whenever something is going on on the "bad" side of her family gets in bad moods and lashes out on me and I meen BAD. I dont know how to handle this she started BC to level out her hormones still a little better but she still goes off. Im stuck in a point were I dont know what to do I love her and dont want to break up with her but my job is stressfull enough as it is and I cant take much if it. I have mention counceling but I dont believe she is going to go. Anyone delt with this type of situation before, and if so how can you make it better?
Thanks

Answer 1

I had a boyfriend once who handled my breakdowns well, he would just listen, stay calm and take me for a ride. He was pretty good at it. I don't go off as much or as bad as I used to. Sounds like you really care for her. I hope you can find a way to deal with it , she may get better in time. My fits were brought on by experiences with my family also. My ex-boyfriend was good dealing with those times, he never said a word. (ps thats not why we broke up)

Answer 2

Coming from an abusive home, it took me a very long time to realize that I had an anger issue. Things that most people take in stride I would just flip out about. At first, I was embarrassed and didn't know where it came from. It took me a long time to figure out what I was really upset about and how to handle it. I must say that my attitude ruined most of my relationships, both romantic and friendships. Also, there is not a whole lot you can do, because she is probably not telling you half the things she has been through and is possibly not even to face them herself. When she is ready to deal with it all, if ever, she will. I think that you should be honest with her about how her mood swings and anger is affecting your relationship with her, she will then be really mad at you and become defensive, but in the end she will either begin to get control of her life again or not. If she chooses to try to get through the things from her past then it will be a long, hard process, while on the other hand, if she just brushes everything off again, then you will neither one be happy. While you love her allot it seems, right now she needs to take time to figure everything out for herself. Good Luck!

Answer 3

If you love her, i wouldn't let this tear you guys apart.You have to fight for her if you truly love her, i think her parents are mad to see she's with a good guy and doing way better than both of them. So they're trying to mess/break up a good thing. My advice would be to just get your girlfriend and move away from them, i understand where your coming from, and all that you went through and your still by her side, i can most definitely tell you really love her, plz don't let them tear you guys apart, that's exactly what they want. Like i was saying..my advice would be to just get your girlfriend and move away from them, you guys would be so better off, and stressed FREE. If you can't because of your work, then try letting her live with your folks or whatever you can, because this is very unhealthy. And i wouldn't blame you, i wouldn't want my kids around people like that either and its nothing wrong with that. When people are in your life that aren't right, you just have to cut them loose no matter who they are, to be better off. Good luck & All the best

Answer 4

My ex: grew up in a huge family and was sexually abused.

Notice I said "EX!"
You are dealing with a big 'ol crap sandwich my friend. All the issues she is not mature enough to deal with are now YOUR problems. She will take them out on you, blame you for things that aren't your fault, and abuse you for no reason the same way she was abused for no reason.

You are stuck with these things:
1. She keeps you around at any cost to continue to abuse you.
2. She flies off the handle b/c of petty things that have deeper meaning to her.
3. She will resist advice you give her because she will think you are trying to control her.
4. She will have a massive double standard concerning your behavior, and no standard at all regarding her own behavior.
5. She will pick fights with you.
6. She will withhold sex from you as a control issue.
7. She will demand sex from you at any time, anywhere. You finish running the New York AND Boston marathon back to back, she will expect sex that night, and even wake you out of a dead sleep for it. [again, its your fault you are too tired, and you must not love her enough : ( ]
8. Has she threatened to "Call the Police!" and ruin your life yet? Mine tried that, and before she went into a tirade and lied to the police to get me in trouble for something, I left her azz! You would be WELL advised to kick her out, change the locks, and YOU call the police if she comes anywhere near you. Sounds extreme, until she screws your life up, and then you wished you had. You want to be reasonable with her, but she is an unreasonable, crazy child. You will learn the hard way I am afraid....

Good luck with that nut-case. You love her, but at what cost? Your sanity? You know what I am going to say don't you? Yeah, dump her before you suffer post traumatic stress disorder like I did from my old abused g/f.

She will guilt trip you, but tell her to get counceling, and DO NOT TOLERATE 1 second of her abuse and temper tantrums.

Been there, F*ck that!

Answer 5

i also come from an abusive family and was taken out of it fortunatly at a younger age. As a woman, i know what its like. you feel that everything is your fault when something goes wrong because thats all that you grew up with. You need to just let her know that even though you may not understand what happened, she is still the love of your life and and you would never hurt her. Bring up the cousling thing gradually. it took me a long time to want to talk to anybody bout it. Just give her time

Answer 6

Stop! Don't proceed with this relationship until she enter's counseling and deals with this family baggage. You don't need this type of stress in your personal life. Either she gets into counseling and deals with all this emotional baggage or this relationship will definately fail. The two of you will be hurt by it.

Have a sit down talk with her. Maybe you can convince her to atleast go talk to a licensed counselor. This relationship will not work unless she deals with all that baggage. Save yourself and her the heart ache of a failed relationship by breaking it off if she doesn't seek counseling to address these issues.

Answer 7

If she is not willing to something to help herself with this situation, just think how much worse it will get as her family ages and things get even crazier for her. I know its an extremely hard thing to live with ,as it seems to me that she has mental health problems and you ,not being a physician ,will NEVER be asle to help her no matter how hard you try. Bless your heart, you're so young to have all this on your plate. Please, please think of distancing yourself slowly from these issues she has. The whole world is looking for young men like yourself, who will only make wherever you are a better place . She may stop you from doing this. Is that a life you're willing to give up for her?

Answer 8

You have to talk to her and tell her exactly what you are saying now. Tell her that you love her and that you care about her and that you don't want to lose her. But that the job you have is stressful and that when she blows up on you about her family it is more than you can handle.
Tell her that you want to work this out and that you think the counseling will help the problem but that if she wants you to stick it out with her that she has to get help to control the emotional scars that they have put on her.
Tell her you love her but the anger she has is escalating and if she doesn't get help it is only going to become worse.

If she refuses to get help you have to get yourself together and stand your ground and move on. You can't have a future with this young lady if she can't even see her problems. If you mean as much to her as she means to you she will agree to get help.

Answer 9

i was abused by my dad and watched my parents fight so i do believe that made my personality change
like i dont trust everuone i always believe somethehing bd will happen probally needs to trust you a little better
s

Answer 10

sounds like you need to protect her from her "bad" family. Be a strong role model for her and make sure she knows that you love her.