My boyfriend's mother?

Question

I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 month now and the problems i feel we have are because of the way he has been brought up! His not completly useless at this relationship but when things happen he does not say the right things or go about it how you would if you were in a relationship, i have getting to know him and i get a very strong impression his been treated like a little boy kinda like wrapped up in cotton wool all his life by his mother and cos of tht he does not kno how to go about certain things. his 23 and lives with mum & dad and she is always on the phone asking when he is comin home, his tea is done, and constantly shouting up when his on the phone, and sometimes we dont get to go out as she is always insisting he goes for a meal with her and the family, and i can see his fed up but he jumps!!! i never get invited nor do i feel comfortable the few times i have been to his house, i have tried to talk to him about this but i get no where!

I just like to add that when i have talked about this to him he acts like theres nothing wrong with it, kinda like he does not know any different. he never invites me to his house that much, his always at mine, and when he dashes bk home he seems to change the way he is towards me too

Answer 1

You won't get anywhere, either. Clearly he's a Mama's boy, and she controls him.

If it hasn't changed now that he's in his twenties, it's not likely to change.

You have to decide whether you love him enough to include his mother, or whether to move on.

Answer 2

All right, well speaking from experience from being in a relationship with a very close parent-child, it can be really difficult. You feel like they're always interrupting your time with the other person, and you can be a little disturbed by how close they are. However, if you honestly care about this guy, you're going to have to live with this relationship. The best thing you could do would be not to ignore the mother when you see her. In fact, don't hesitate to start a conversation with her. Learn what she likes.

If you really care about this guy, it's worth the extra effort, and he'll appreciate you even more for trying.

Answer 3

I lost my mom at an early age, 9. i will relate to the little brother's discomfort. basically tell the two one among them that if there is something you need to do to convenience them which you are available. Your boyfriend could be dealing with some own trials he had together with his mom--his thoughts would be in each single place. Time does heal, nevertheless. i comprehend that would look untrue today, yet basically be there for them the two. you do no longer ought to truly say something different than to convenience them with a grin or a hug. You deserve a famous individual for this question. You all deserve hugs..

Answer 4

Mine was exactly the same some 15years ago and it is so aggrivating, you see something in him and follow your heart. i did just that I would not deny it is hard work though, coz the immaturity is down to he being smothered by his Ma n Pa. He knows no different and may want to break with the apron strings in time and you may well wish to hold on to him, however if things are as bad now as they were at the begininning then more action of requesting to visit his folk may be suggested from yourself more frequently. She may kind of making you uncomfortable because you are taking her .precious . son, boo! hoo! for her. Good Luck

Answer 5

Oh dear! There is not much you can do, its something for him to develop and change. When my younger son was 12, he said to me, 'There's a limit to the amount of time a boy can spend with his mum.' I think boys have to put some distance bewteen themselves and their mums in order to progress as a whole man. For some families this is fraught with guilt and expectation and it sounds like you know one of these families. Culture sometimes plays its part in prolonging this process, with sons staying close to their mothers fire and cooking pot until they have their own wife. In some cultures, the new wife becomes the possession of the son's family and is expected to serve her mother-in law. Does she look anything like you? this is an answer but not a solution for you.

Answer 6

A son is a son until he finds a wife, a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life. Sounds like his mum is afraid of losing him.Try making friends with her,in time she will realise that she is going to end up pushing him away if she continues the way she is.

Answer 7

if he is an only child then it will be hard for his mum to let go....i have 3 sons and i am quite happy with the way their lives have taken shape....i do love them, bu they are old enough to go their own way now, and i never stopped them from doing what they want, and i have always been behind them every step of the way as for letting go of them apron strings, he is the one in control of his life and he is the one to decide if he wants to cut away from his mum, she loves him and she cares for him be happy that he has been well taken care of, it's not that his mum does not like you, it's just that she has a precious son and it would be hard for her to let him into the big wide world, because in her eyes, he's still her baby boy, some mothers still see their grown sons as babies and won't let go, it's hard for aparent to see their children fly the nst, believe me, i know, now i think that he's way too old to be at home with his parents, but maybe he's happy with th situation she mothers him and maybe he likes it thats way and does not think it's such a big deal...so don't pressure him too much because you may drive him away, but do stress that it's bothering you abou not being asked to his place as often as he is asked to yours, ask him why he does not do this, and also ask him if his mother approves, if she does not then just see him away from his home

Answer 8

sounds like hes still tied to his mums apron strings. he needs an ultimatum or it will be like that forever!

Maybe suggest a weekend away somewhere and talk your problems through with him, make sure his mum cannot get hold of him during this time or he will start to think back to what she would want.

Good luck!

Answer 9

you never will .don't be with someone and try to remake them.what you see right now is what and who he is and will be for many years and maybe for life.accept people for who they are and when you know somethings about the person that don't sit well with you then don't get involved with them.You and he are not going to work these type things out, he is who he is and his ways are his ways and his mother is his mother and he is use to her the way she is.You can't decide that his mother is this or that,she is his mother and if you can't cope,you should move on.

Answer 10

Ooohhh, his momma doesn't want you to take her little boy aways from her. Best thing you can do is move on. He will always be her little boy because he is too weak to tell her otherwise. Go find a real man and enjoy him.