Help from other single mummies!!?

Question

Hi, I recently found out I was pregnant (am now 10 weeks) had an on off relationship with a guy who I love (never planned the pregnancy) But Im beggining to realise that he is not as responsible as Id hoped and looks like I will be raising baby as a single mum. I already have 2 wonderful kids from a previous marriage so I know its hard being a mum......but never been a single mum to a baby before (my kids dad and me were together until they were older so never did the baby phase alone) So anyway how do you cope with the emotional lonliness of being a single mum to a baby? Any tips on how to cope best? Im just worried because I never planned to raise a baby alone (he will be in the childs life, just we wont be a couple) Please any advice would be greatfully recieved. thanks guys, your all stars x

Thanks for the response so far...most of your answers have had me in tears...you are all so kind, thanks everyone!!! xxxx

Answer 1

Youv'e got hard times ahead but it will make you stronger. I feel fortunate not to have been in this situation myself but my sister has. Her husband decided when she was 18 weeks pregnant with their 2nd child he didn't love her anymore. She had to leave, decalre herself homeless, get housed by a local authroity housing assosication and giver up her job, make her 4 yr old change schools and loose her income for the time being she is a bank manager, not your usual idea of a single mum of two.

She got through the preganncy and birth but at no time was she on her own, she had her sisters, my mum and dad and all her friends there for support. She has now settled into her new home after decorating around a 2 week old baby! She is in a good routine, money is a worry but she will be looking at getting back to work soon.

She hasn't just survived, she has thrived!

She speaks to her friends and family on the phone at night to off load any pressures of the day.

So, I think that is the key. You are going to need you friends and family more than ever in the coming months but you'll manage.

Your female afterall, we're made of stronger stuff!

Answer 2

I was married when I had my son to a very immature 'boy' (even though he was 3 years older than me). When my son was 18 months old my husband left the country and I haven't spoke to him since (thankfully). I actually found it A LOT easier raising my son as a singe mum, so consider yourself lucky that you don't have to be a mother to both your child and the guy. Having said that tho, it might turn out that having a baby will really help to increase his sense of responsibility. I also don't think that you will feel 'emotional lonliness' especially if you keep in close contact with your friends and family, and the sense of pride that you will feel raising this child on your own is fantastic! Good luck hun, I am sure that you will do great!

Answer 3

A friend of mine is a single mom and she had a tough time when the baby was not sleeping through the night. Are your other kids old enough to help around the house? Help give baby a bath, change it's diapers? Do you have a friend that can stay over night once in a while to let you sleep? If you plan on breastfeeding you can get a breastpump and store breastmilk so someone else can feed baby. The father can stay the night once in a while and help out with his own child. No reason he shouldn't have to experience sleepless nights too.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like even though you didnt have to raise a baby alone before(cause the father was there until they were older) that you have done a wonderful job anyways. It may be harder,since this is the first time you are alone,but you are a mother of 2 already,so raising this baby,you will take all ur motherly instinct and do just fine as you have with ur other 2. And since the father will still be in your babies life then when you are feeling stressed, just think that he is there for his baby in some way..and that some people realy have no one. Goodluck to you.

Answer 5

Hi babe! You are brave to admit you know this bloke is not gonna work out and prepared to go it alone! most people would stay in a unhappy relationship cos of being scared to be on their own! I was a single mom from when my son was 5 wks old, I suffered badly from post natal depression too and had no family support! You can do it, take all the help you can get and carry on being the best mom! I met a new guy when my son was five and am expecting my second baby! I bet you get a happy ending too!

Answer 6

hiya... well i am a single mum so il help u out the best i can.. my boyfriend left me when i was 6 weeks pregnant, he has never seen my daughter shes nearly 4 now and me and my daughter are both happy and content.
I will not lie to you, sometimes its really hard doing it alone, but it also has good points too....
The hardest time for me was when i 1st had her, but after a few weeks i was ok, and just got on with it.
i know u will be fine, i know its daunting and scary, but u will cope wonderfully.
Im sure you will have support from family, so u wont be totally alone.
whjen you feel you need a break, ask someone for help....never be ashamed to ask for help, everyone needs support, and being a single parent family is both hard but worthwhile.
good luck with everything!! and never worry! u will be fine :)

Answer 7

Hi, its awful when you're in this situation at first but by the time little one arrives you should be a little more prepared, I was. Ijust used to go to my local sure start centre (in UK) which runs loads of different groups for everyone and anyone (including your older kids) anyway, I think to help you cope just go along to plenty of different mother and baby groups and make some new friends (perhaps in the same situation as you)!

Good luck to you and all the best xxx

Answer 8

First of all let me say I know you can do it. Yes you will be single but not alone if he is till involved in the child's life. Make some kind of arrrangements with him to have a back up system if you need it . also how old are your other children can they help? There are other support groups in your area that can hlp as well. If you are a aseasoned mom you should be ok. I know that you are scared but that is normal. I wish you a lot of luck. It won't be easy but there are supports for you to call on if neccessary and maybe other family members of yours can help as well.

Answer 9

my wife was a single mummy after falling pregnant at 17 and she coped really well, firstly you need to have faith in yourself and as your already a mum I have no doubt in my mind that you will be fine. ask your midwife or health visitor is they know of any ante natal gruops for single mums or mums to be or try going to ante natal classes through the hospital as your bound to meet others in your situation or similiar. Once the baby is born make the effort to go to mother and baby group aswell. Its great that the babys dad is still going to be involved even though your no longer a couple and remember as the babys dad you can still lean on him for support, thats what parents do. good luck

Answer 10

I know you wanted a single moms answer, but hey, I'll answer ya anyway!!!! No. 1, you are on the right track! You can distiguish he is not mature! No.2 good for you, this was not an abortion question, and no.3, you can do this! Keep close to your family and friends and or join a support group for single moms! I wish you the best and I beleive you have a brain to do this!!! Congrats and be a great mom