i'm 21and live at home still, but me and my fiance want to live together. i have a 2 1/2 year old son and my mom and i don't really get along either. but my (religious) family is strongly against us living together before we get married. i don't see the problem with it and still plan to move out.they also suggested getting married now and then having the ceremony later. i disagree with them. should i just do what i want?
2007-01-27 03:14:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i'm 21and live at home still, but me and my fiance want to live together. i have a 2 1/2 year old son and my mom and i don't really get along either. but my (religious) family is strongly against us living together before we get married. i don't see the problem with it and still plan to move out.they also suggested getting married now and then having the ceremony later. i disagree with them. should i just do what i want? ...i was 18 when i had my son and i was never married to the father. i've been with my fiance since my son was 9 months old, and my fiance is 24, if any of that helps
2007-01-27 03:25:13 · update #1
...i was 18 when i had my son and i was never married to the father. i've been with my fiance since my son was 9 months old, and my fiance is 24, if any of that helps
2007-01-27 03:25:52 · update #2
i have been with this guy for 2 years, he IS dad to my son...his biological father has no contact with him(his choice). we've been engaged for a week and plan to get married within a year....because my dad is in iraq and i want to wait til he comes home which should be by then end of this year and i want him to be at my wedding. as for my parents...its time they cut the strings, i want to be independent, they treat me like i'm 15 and i'm tired of it...i don't like to be controlled, i am my own person and i don't need my parents to tell me what to do anymore
2007-01-27 03:33:42 · update #3
i am not moving in with him to find out if "it will work out". we're getting married and nothing will change that, we both do not believe in divorce...his parents are divorced so he knows how it is and my parents have been together for 25 years so i haven't personally been exposed to it, there are very few reasons that we believe are grounds for divorce..mainly adultery, which is not going to be a problem for us.
2007-01-27 03:54:28 · update #4
Do not listen to them! You are old enough to make your own decisions. It is VERY important to live together first to see how things work out, especially if you have a child.
Just out of curiousity, were you married before when you had your son? Please add that to details.... that's very important... if you had a child out of wedlock and your parents got over that, they will certainly get over you moving in with him.
2007-01-27 03:21:05 · answer #1 · answered by WhoamI 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the first thing you should do is move out on your own with your son. You need a chance to be independent for a time before you get married. OR
Just get married, however simple the celebration may be - just a ceremony and family over for a dinner.
Don't do the living-together thing. You have already made a mistake with having one child without being married to his father, don't compound your life further by repeating it. Time to smarten up, mature and think of your child, not just yourself and what YOU want. Once you are a mom, it's NOT all about you any more....
2007-01-27 07:48:46 · answer #2 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a mother, you do understand the connection between a parent & a child. So give your parents a bit of slack. You showed poor judgement when you were younger & that may have set the tone for their reaction in this case.
But you are an ADULT. And you have been with this man long enough to know whether he is any good. He has taken on the responsibility of another man's child which says A LOT for this guys character.
Most religions teach against living together before marriage; as though by not living together no sex takes place. They are sooo in denial. :)
And I have to agree that if you are living together to "see-if-this-works-out" then you are in the wrong.
But you are engaged, betrothed. You have both promised your love & devotion to one another and are just waiting the legalities of the marriage.
I can't/won't tell you what you should do. But if you have a wedding now, you will only be able to have a renewal later; as you will already be married. It's your call.
2007-01-27 03:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been here. My parents did not want me to move out for two reasons...they didn't feel I was ready and I was moving to California (originally from Michigan) to be with my then boyfriend and go to school there. Ultimately it is your decision. I was 22 when I moved out and had similar reasons. I think you should do what you feel is best for you and your son. You are an adult and can make your own decisions. As far as marriage, don't let anyone push you into doing something you are not ready for. I understand their stand point ( if you're gonna live together, get married first) but that doesn't work for everyone. Follow your heart and pray about it before you make your final decision. And stick with that decision! Good Luck!
2007-01-27 09:57:16 · answer #4 · answered by Sim1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they're worried that you're using one situation to escape from another, and simply want you to be sure about your decisions before uprooting your life. Or maybe they're worried that he'll put off the wedding more and more, since you'd be living with him anyway (the old "why buy the milk" argument).
How long have you known this guy? For how long have you dated? How long has the engagement been, and how much longer will it continue? How much do you rely on your parents now, and what action are you taking to ensure as much independence as possible? What is your fiance's involvement with your son like? How does it compare to the involvement you desire? Has your son's behavior changed at all since the engagement?
These are all critical questions to ask and to answer honestly, before making any decisions about moving out.
2007-01-27 03:26:31 · answer #5 · answered by rhetorica 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have a son and your a adult you are grown up and you can make your own choices, either it be the wrong or right one. its still your life. You should obey your parents while living under the same house, but once you get married thats when you should leach off and do what you want and have plans with your husband and follow out those dreams.
2007-01-27 04:37:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if theyre very religious and you already had a kid without being married.. they shouldnt be too surprised that you want to live with your fiance. if you think its a good choice, then dont listen to them. its your life, and you need to do what will make you happy. they forgave you for having a kid, theyll forgive you for this
2007-01-27 03:29:33 · answer #7 · answered by JennaL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you need to decide what is more important to you, honoring your parents wishes and waiting until you get married to move in with him. Yes you are an adult, but you are under their roof so you need to honor their wishes. If you disagree with them then move out, but be ready for them to be disappointed with you. Like I said you need to decide what is more important to you, dishonoring them or doing what you want.
2007-01-27 03:56:23 · answer #8 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are 21 years old. Put your foot down and move out. They CANNOT stop you.
2007-01-27 11:38:03 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋