I WAS MARRIED TO A WONDERFUL MAN FOR 31 YRS. AND HE PASSED AWAY A YEAR AGO. I'M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP BUT AM TRYING TO MEET SOMEONE ON LINE THROUGH A SITE TO MATCH UP A LOVE CONNECTION.MOST MEN I HAVE CHAT WITH ARE WANTING A RELATIOSHIP RIGHT AWAY OR SOMETHING ELSE RIGHT AWAY. I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD TAKE MY PROFILE OFF THIS SITE OR STAY AND KEEP TRYING TO FIND A FRIEND FIRST AND THEN SEE WHERE IT MIGHT GO.I'M USUALLY UP FRONT AFTER A COUPLE OF CHATS ABOUT NOT BEING READY FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP YET BUT BELIEVE YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME CHEMISTRY AND FRIENDSHIP AND KNOWLEDGE ABOUT EACH OTHER BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE CAN HAPPEN. IS IT TOO SOON OR SHOULD I STICK TO WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR OR JUST REMOVE MYSELF FROM THE SITE AND CONTINUE TO BE LONELY. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVISE.
2007-01-27 02:41:47 · 11 answers · asked by connie0709@sbcglobal.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You seem to be a victim of your own all or nothing thinking. There are more choices here than to continue with the on-line search, or stay alone and lonely.
My husband took his own life almost two years ago after a very successful 24 year marriage. He was unstable due to being bipolar and unknown to me, he had stopped all medication.
I was more than just left alone after his death. I had the guilt and sense of failure to deal with as well. But after about a year, I began to slowly see men in socal situations. I didn't do the on-line thing but allowed introductions from family and friends and slowly began to date.
I too do not want a serious relationship and am very up front about that. I date more than one man right now, both aware of that and one whom dates others as well. The thing I find important is that both men are my friends, both understand my wish not to fall in love and both respect the fact that I am not totally without scars and baggage regarding my late husband.
If the on-line thing isn't working for you then by all means, exit it, but don't think for a moment that you must resign yourself to a life alone. At 46 I am busy, have many friends, still receive attention and offers for dates from interesting men and none of them came from an on-line site. The two I see were introduced to me by friends.
Get out of the house. Take a class, go to parties, join a church. Put yourself in a position to meet interesting people. Allow things to move slowly and don't try to force relationships or intimacy too soon. I think a year is quite respectable if you feel ready to move on.
If it were me I think I would delete the profile and get out of the house. Please do not give up on yourself so easily. But you do need to do this in person as much as possible. Sitting behind a screen and typing your way into it is probably not too healthy unless it gets you out and meeting people. You will use different socail skills when you actually meet people face to face and I think it's more difficult but far more rewarding and you will learn much more aobut these men and others if you don't have a screen between you.
Good wishes to you in your search and your life. There is no reason not to enjoy the company of all kinds of people, men included, even if you aren't looking for a partner right now.
2007-01-27 03:05:11 · answer #1 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends, in my country that would look abit wierd
but as you say if you are not in a mood or serious thought of having then maybe you should hold on for a bit longer.
it also depends on how well known you are around you people most people wouldnt understand it when you tell them you are lonely and you need someone and looking back its been only a year since your husband passed away there would find it not right but it all depends with the way you culture and how you present your self and the issue so the decision really is entirely up to you.
hope this helps
2007-01-27 03:04:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe after some time not everyone feels the same way. It is better now than too late. You must be hurt because she told you she loves another person so don't call her or send her if she doesn't reply. Leave her to her own life there are a lot more girls. Just stay friends.
2016-05-24 05:14:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are human, and need to go on. You aren't wrong looking for a friend or a new love. Your husband will always be loved by you no matter what you choose. Just be honest with the person you meet or chat with. If they are serious about you then they will respect what you are wanting from them to start with. Go with your heart.
2007-01-27 02:46:41 · answer #4 · answered by snowbody 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i say you have every right to meet someone new and establish a friendship. there is nothing wrong with a friendship first. maybe you can find someone who is also lonely and going through the same thing. if it feels right than do it and dont look back. sorry about your loss and i wishj you all the happiness in the world
2007-01-27 02:48:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should follow your heart. You are the only one that can truly know when you are ready. I don't think anybody should be lonely. I can't tell you if you are ready or not because everybody is different. But, I don't believe you are wrong for wanting companionship. Best of Luck and don't forget to follow your heart.
2007-01-27 02:49:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure there are men in your life like at church or something that you already something about. Get off the website as there are too many wierdo's on those.
I found a lady by going to plays, etc. She's neat, and we are married now.
2007-01-27 02:47:07 · answer #7 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is all right to seek someone after a year. It takes some people longer and some less, it is up to the individual. You don't need to be in any hurry. Someone will come along if you give it time.
2007-01-27 02:50:47 · answer #8 · answered by marchhare57 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go with your heart not your head. Its always better to have a friend that you can share your life with than a person that wants everything else. Online conversations are okay i guess but I like the real thing face to face, so when you go out to the stores say hi, go to church, hang out with your old friends they know you better than the computer. Do something that you want to do and enjoy life its to short and its like someone special said to me along time ago, HE WILL PROVIDE. So hang in there but go with your heart hun. God Bless and hang in there
2007-01-27 02:53:28 · answer #9 · answered by jusjoe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of very sorry for your loose
if you think that you are not ready than no matter who comes around you will reject them or no let them get closer
maybe try taking off your profile but stay active and just browse who is out there, who knows maybe you can find someone who has similar situation
good luck
2007-01-27 02:47:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋