Mother-in-Law Help?

Question

Don't get me wrong, my future mother in law is a sweet heart, but she is currently planning my Bridal Shower and she isn't allowing anyone (my mother & bridesmaids) get involved. My mother, her, and his sister are all helping pay but she is being stubborn and wants everything to go the way she wants it to no matter what I (the bride) or my mom is suggesting. My groom, naturally, is taking his mother's side on this....what can I do to help my stress and nicely find a way to tell her that everyone needs to be involved and she needs to stop being so controling? Helpful answers need only apply. Thank you!

Answer 1

These issues are pretty much inevitable. See if you can avoid turning it into a control issue by sitting down with her and explaining how eager your mother and bridesmaids are to be part of it. Ask your MIL what they can do to "help." That way she still gets to be queen but might find it easier to give your family members a larger role.

Sometimes when people are really emotionally caught up, they just grab the reins. And that's okay. Find a gentle way to get your mom included. On the other hand, your mom probably has a pretty heavy say in the wedding planning, so this may be your MIL's one real chance to run the show. It might be good to give her that.

Answer 2

I don't think I have good news for you.

Is she hosting? Then it is her party. And as irritating as it is, really, you have no say over your shower. Shower's are something that people do FOR you, and although you would hope they would take your wishes to heart...they don't have to.

Just think of all the brides that have "surprise" showers.

Now, your mom and his sister should have a say since they are helping to foot the bill.

But the best advice is instead of having them help pay, they should offer to do something specific "I'll bring the ...." And that really needs to be between your mom and her.

And I know your bridesmaids are bummed about wanting to help, but there isn't much they can do if the host doesn't want them too.

She is excited about your wedding, she wants to feel like she is doing this for your, and your best best bet is to tell the others that perhaps they can plan something from them for you - that way they can have the control they want.

And, I have to say, sometimes I am the type that thinks it is just easier to do things myself, okay - perhaps a bit of the control freak - she may not mean anything by it.

And if you care about the future realtionship with her - let her have control over this. It may keep her from trying to take control over things in your wedding - at which point you will then have to gently step in.

So ... stay out of things, show up, and have a good time. It'll all work out okay!

Sorry I couldn't give you better news.

Answer 3

you need to put your foot down right now. You need to let her know that you are glad she wants to throw you a shower and it makes you really happy that you are joining a family so loving and supporting but there are other people that love me to and would love to be a part of it do you think you and my mom and my bridesmaids can all get together and do the planning. See what she says if she gets nasty then tell her if everyone can't be a part of it then you would like to let your bridesmaids take it over since traditionally the bridesmaids host the brial party. My mother in law is the same way she feels she has no control so she trys to control everything. You will just need to learn to put your foot down. Maybe insteed of you saying something to her one of your briedsmaids cancall her and let her know that they all want to be involved and if that doesn't work then you can speak with her.

Answer 4

Grin and bear it sweetie. There aren't many things the mother-in-law is in charge of when it comes to weddings. Except for the bridal shower and/ or dinner rehearsal the night before the wedding. Just remember in the future you may have issues with her being controlling after your marriage. You're future husband had better take your feelings into consideration or I'd kick him to the curb before the nuptuals.

Answer 5

If she (your mother-in-law) is the one who is hosting the party, then it really is her say on how things are done. The party may be for you, but she is the one planning it.

If having your Mother and bridesmaids involved is so important to you.. maybe you should consider having a second party, one where you all can have control over what goes on.

I'm sorry, but I really feel that if your mother-in-law is the one hosting the party, then she should also be the one to plan it out. Sure, your family/friends who are going to be there can offer advice or mention something they think you might like.. but when it comes down to it, it is her decision, not theirs..

If having your family so involved is so important to you maybe you should think about having a second party.. one where you all have the say so.

In my opinion.. it's definately not something worth making a fuss over. Your mother-in-law is trying to do something nice for you.

The party may be for you, but that doesn't mean you should try to run the show.. neither should your family if their not the ones putting it on.

Answer 6

Tiffany--Wow!! This brings back memories of my former mother-in-law forcing the issue on taking control of the wheel in the driver's seat with my baby shower. My best girlfriend, my mother and other women had so many ideas and were all diplomatic enough to sit down together to work out some ideas for the event. My mother-in-law wouldn't have it. She wanted the credit to go to her so that she could say, "Look what I did for my daughter-in-law and I didn't have any help!" It turned out to be a power trip event, rather than something that was supposed to be focused on my blessed event.
So, my already knowing about this shower taking place, I sat down my mother-in-law and told her that if she wasn't willing to share in the responsibility and ideas and preparations for the shower, that we would need to call off the shower all together. She refused, not surprisingly, as this woman has a very controlling disposition anyway, and we called it off. Secretly, however, my other female friends and relatives ended up throwing one for me. It was very sweet of them, and get this part, my mother-in-law was invited and of course, did not show up.
I would suggest, in your case, to sit down your mother-in-law in private, or with the others and suggest that this be a shared event. If she refuses, call it off and have the others throw one for you. As "nice" as she's being, she's being controlling and wants to take all the credit, directing the focus on her rather than on you which, unfortunately is so typical, sometimes, of our gender. She wants the spotlight when others want to join in. Don't let her, and you may tell her in a kindly way, but don't let her win, as this event should focus solely on you.
Best of luck to you...

Answer 7

Draw the line long and hard from the beginning; now is the time to let her know you cannot be pushed around. My mother is law is sweet as can be, but she tried to interfere in the very beginning and I quickly let her know I am not to be pushed around, now we get along great.

If she continues this dictatorship over your shower, tell your mom to take the bull by the horns and throw you a surprise wedding shower and invite your mother in law. Once everything is done she will learn that if she does not work in harmony with others, she will be excluded ---it's a simple as that. A taste of one's own medicine has a way of quickly bringing you smack down to reality. Good luck!

Answer 8

Wow, sticky situation. I guess I would probably ask her out to lunch and try very honestly to tell her that other people in your life really want to help. Let her know that your mother has looked forward to this for your entire life and would feel left out if she was not included. I hope this helps.

Answer 9

You do nothing at this point. The shower is being planned for you, so you keep totally out of it. No one should even be discussing the planning with you!!!

Answer 10

Sit her down and tell her straight out. It is your wedding not hers. Take control of it..