that parents don`t have a say( or don`t need to be contacted ) in the fact they can go to their doctor and get the pill (oral contraceptive, purely for sex not problems with periods etc) . I know theres going to be alot of mixed responses here but under 16 yrs they are still little girls . My 16yr old has told me she has just been for the pill and i am gutted , i don`t want her to be sexually active yet , and at the same time i do not want a grandchild . I suppose she is being careful but i am finding this hard to deal with .. What are your views ?
2007-01-27 01:19:11 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I haven`t judged my daughter i am being supportive although i am upset and i have told her that her partner MUST use a condom also , we have spoke about STD`s etc ...She fully understands .
2007-01-27 01:29:59 · update #1
Yes..i am lucky to have a super open relationship and she knows she can talk to me about anything at all , if i can help i will .She does have a boyfriend . I am proud of my sensible (not so little) girl .
2007-01-27 01:42:18 · update #2
Hi -Ya
We went through the same thing a year ago (daughter was then just over 15). She did tell us and naturally we were worried for her. Like you we couldn't even think of her being sexually active, she was still our little girl.
Whats happened since then? - nothing. It seemed a big deal to us at the time but in fact we realise now that she was being very 'adult' about her needs and wishes and in fact very sensible. The problem was we saw her as a child still and didn't really sub- consciously want that to go. I would say that at that time she was more mature about it than we were.
It also made us appreciate how quickly time flies - she is now 16 and a half and that little episode seems to me like about 6 months ago.
I know you won't like me saying this, but I suggest you simply relax, let her protect herself the way she has chosen too and treat it more like an adult decision on her part,to suit her needs and not one she is making just to upset her mum and dad!
Everything will turn out fine............
2007-01-27 01:34:57 · answer #1 · answered by Wantstohelpu 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you gutted that she's on the pill, or that she didn't discuss it with you first?
If it's the fact that she's taking contraception, I can understand completely. I would feel just the same, but think of it this way, at least she is sensible enough to give contraception a thought, a lot of young people nowadays don't seem to. I would emphasise as much as possible that if she is going to be sexually active the pill may protect her from pregnanacy but NOTHING ELSE. Make sure she knows to use condoms as well.
If its the fact that she didn't discuss it with you first, well, most 16 year olds I know would rather die than discuss sex with their parents, its "icky" apparently.
I'm afraid that as far as I can see, if a person is over the legal age of consent, the Dr has no right to contact a parent anyway. That would be illegal wouldn't it?
I think every parent wakes up one day and realises their kids arent kids anymore. Its sad but a fact of life.
2007-01-27 01:27:32 · answer #2 · answered by lululaluau 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I find it interesting that you address your question to parents... is that to get validation of how you feel about the issue? I hope you get answers from young people of your daughter's age, because I feel that listening to her and others her age will help you deal with it. It is a different world to be a 16 year old girl in now.
You say that under 16 they are still little girls... what is your 16yr old then? Of course you are upset, you are having to deal with many feelings about her growing up. Ultimately you do not have the control over her you once had and you have to stand by and watch while she tries out life and probably will make lots of mistakes.
I think you should focus on the really positive issue here which is that she has told you what she's done - many her age would not do this, leading me to think you've created an environment of trust and openness for her. Well done you.
2007-01-27 01:38:12 · answer #3 · answered by jobby1111 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Scary!
A lot of my friends went on the pill under the age of sixteen but usually it was down to various health problems (heavy periods, acne). Don't automatically assume that she's done it just to have sex!
BUT you ARE gonna have to have a talk with her....
If she's got a steady boyfriend (as opposed to one she's JUST met!) then remember what it was like at her age. I went on the pill when I decided to lose my virginity (at 17) but was convinced I loved my boyfriend and we were together for another 5 years so its not all gloom and doom.
However, if she's jsut met someone or hasnt got a boyfriend and she IS on the pill for contraception then you are going to HAVE to have a chat about sex/love/self-respect.
It's difficult with the hormones for all teenages- especially when your parents forget what it was like.....
But the number one thing I would do is try and have a chat about her attitude toward sex and her friends attitudes etc. Pretty much every girl I knew had sex because they 'loved' the boy. So, as much as we now all know that its not going to be much more than an infatuation, still pay it some respect.
However, the pill will NOT protect her from STDS. In this day and age, with them all rising, girls need to be prepared to take responsibility for their health. Forget your parental fears about your baby growing up- make it clear that if she thinks shes old enough to have sex then she must be old enough to carry condoms and use them!! Forget having a grandchild now- what about her getting an STD that makes you NEVER be a grandmother?!
Maybe as a compromise you could use some parental blackmail "i understand youre growing up... so if you are ready to develop your relationships, i want you to develop your awareness of modern issues" etc etc and get her to do some volunteering... This would teach her some responsibilty, get her in with a 'good' crowd AND if you go for one that teaches sexual awareness, might educate her into good habits!
Just remember you were a teenager once and 90% its never as sordid as parents think!!!
Good luck!!
(and also, if she is using it for contraception, make sure she knows how to take it properly....Some girls dont realise that if you skip a day/are ill etcit can affect the protection!)
2007-01-27 01:35:34 · answer #4 · answered by spagbolfordinner 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, 16 is young for having sex, but she's going to do what she wants to do. I have to admire your daughter for taking care of herself. She is responsible enough that she took steps to protect herself. I admire you that you have a good enough relationship with her that she told you about this, and then you had the presence of mind to discuss STDs with her and the need to wear a condom even while on the pill. Kids grow up so fast anymore. There are elementary-age kids that I would swear have to be teenagers with the way they've developed. Your daughter sounds like she isn't doing anything without thinking it through first. I'd keep the lines of communication open between you, and let her know she can discuss these things whenever she needs to. It could be she is preparing for the possibility of sex, but has no actual plans to do it yet.
2007-01-27 01:44:22 · answer #5 · answered by Sherb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think up to the age of 18 they are your legal responsibility and you should have the right to know what they are being prescribed. What if they take the pill wrong and get prego it's going to still be your job to take care of them and the child. I have two girls not yet near that age but I dread it. The things teenagers are doing now a days, heck the stuff I did as a teenager is bad enough.
Yes it's good that if they are having sex that they be on the pill but as a parent you have the right to know so that you can talk to them and teach them about other forms of protection from disease and other things they may need to learn.
2007-01-27 01:31:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you now that I'm a parent too...but to be honest I was 'active' (the once) at 16 and then married at 17 (no...not pregnant......just ready!!!) 27 years down the road I look at my 16/17 year old niece and shake my head in horror at the things she gets up to with her girlfriends!!! They are far more promiscuous these days.....even having sex in front of each other or giving felatio to boys in toilets at playtimes!!!! arrrrggghhh!!!!
I must though say that on reflection I am like you...would rather know that my 'daughter' was on the pill if contemplating sex rather than a nasty surprise for all later! Even so she should use condoms to stop other infectious diseases......like clamydia etc.....she doesn't want to ruin her chances of being a mother later with infections now!
Maybe you are feeling gutted because her becoming active happened before YOU were ready? Don't forget it is less than 200 years ago that it was common for young girls to be married at 13 and pregnant at 14! Society may change but the human urge doesn't!!
Relax and accept is my advise......make her a friend rather than an enemy and she will be able to talk to you, get advice and be more responsible than her friends...You don't have to like it but unfortunately you do have to accept it as she is legally allowed to go on the pill now.
All the best!
2007-01-27 01:30:18 · answer #7 · answered by Confuzzled 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to figure this out without a lawyer. There are so many ins and outs of the law that it takes a professional to figure it out. In my state you can be tried as an adult at 16 for some crimes. The punishment is serious and will not be wiped off her record at age 18. I take it that this was not a consensual act. Your daughter needs help, or some hard time in the slammer.
2016-05-24 05:05:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be very proud of your daughter that she has decided to use the pill, at least she hasnt come home telling you that she is pregnant, and that is the other alternative. I know it's hard to accept that your daughter is having sex, but the fact that she is being sensible, and has told you the truth, this shows that she trusts and respects you and your opinion. Well done on raising such a sensible daughter, you also have to tell her about sti's now, and tell her it's important that she uses condoms with her boyfriend.
2007-01-27 03:02:05 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think it's wrong. Not necessarily because they shouldn't be able to have access but because the parents need to know. First medically and legally THEY are responsible for that child. If something happens medically because the girl is on BC and the parents don't know, then who is really responsible? It can;t be the parents if the prescriber is not obligated to tell them. Second, most kids, even though as previous poster said they grow up quicker these days, does NOT MEAN they are ready for it. If the parents are not told then it gives the child a way to get around having to be honest and tell their parents. It gives them a way to circumvent their parents. The parents have a responsibility to teach their children certain morals and other things. Some of us no matter how in tune we think we are to our children are just unaware of certain things in their lives. We are not mind readers and if our children have a way around having to tell us truths most will use it.
Again, not so much because I feel they should not be allowed access to BC if it's the final decision, but because the parents really MUST be allowed to know.
2007-01-27 01:35:00 · answer #10 · answered by Betsy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋