Spanking leaded to bad results and I don't know how to handle it?

Question

My daughter is 4yo.My neighbour's son is 1yo.When misbehaving my daughter usually gets punished and if it is a real misbehaving she gets spanked.But yesterday when my neighbour had left his son with us,cause we babysit our children for each other sometimes...I saw my daughter hitting the baby(she hit him only twice and not very hard).I confronted her and asked about that and she said "I'm just playing,daddy".
I'm afraid she has accepted that older people can hit younger people,as I do with her when she misbehaves.I don't want her to grow up thinking that hitting solves our problems and that hitting is acceptable.I'm already afraid to hit her again and I'm trying to find other discipline methods which don't teach violence.Please help!!!

Answer 1

You need to teach her that spanking is the job for a mommy or daddy, not the child. Once explained this should not be a problem. All my girls get spankings, none have hitting issues.

Answer 2

What ever form of discipline you choose be consistent. Spanking works for some kids and doesn't for others. Sometimes all you need to do is spank once or twice and the kid will behave, other times spanking doesn't work at all and you need to find another form of discipline. For a 4 year old, try time outs (one minute for each year, 4 years=4 minutes), take away privileges. And most of all do not underestimate your daughter. At 4 she is more then capable of understand things that are explained to her. Too many parents make the mistake of believing that their child isn't mentally able to understand things and this causes more problems then almost anything else you can do to a child (short of abuse). Explain to her that she is a child and is not allowed to make the decision of who gets hit, that she is not allowed to hit. Explain to her that the 1 year old is delicate and can be hurt easily if she hits him. And that if the child is doing something that she doesn't like that she should tell you and you will then make a decision on a course of action, of course in words that a 4 yo understands (though I did use big words with my son when he was young and then explained them to him, he has a great grasp of language). Good luck.

Answer 3

It is clear from your dilemma that your daughter has no idea why you hit her in the first place... you have failed to communicate. The first time you hit a child they will automatically stop whatever they were doing not because they understand but from the sheer shock of the sting. It is a new sensation and can be frightening. The second time you lift your hand they know what is coming (children are very quick learners especially by example) and brace for it. It still has no meaning (but pain) and the more you do it the more confused they get. Spanking serves no logical purpose unless the child fully understands the cause and because children are incapable of comprehending the concept of consequences spanking is simply pain inflicted by the person they love and are fully dependent on. This state of affairs can be very frightening for a child and that fright will bring out the sort of behaviour you are talking about. You are their role model and they are eager to please. Be patient and change tactics until you "speak the language" your daughter best understands but do not spank. What works for one child may not automatically work for another.

Answer 4

First of all sit down and think about how it is you spank your child.Is it a quick and angry decision? Does your daughter get a warning first? have you explained to her why she was spanked or is she just expected to know? Look spanking is not child abuse. If done with in certain boundaries it can be an effective tool for discipline{ This is only my opinion and I do not expect you to treat it as anything else}. In my home spankings are as follows.
Time outs are given first
privileges are taken away
warnings are issued.
Then if all else fails a spank on the but with an open hand followed with an explanation and time to think about what they did wrong.
There have been extreme cases where i have spanked first and talked later. These usually involve them coming very close to extreme bodily harm.

Answer 5

Stop spanking. Children who are spanked often come to think that corporal punishment is an okay treatment for even a minor offense. Hitting a child is NEVER okay, in my opinion, and any parent who resorts to it needs to gain some better parenting skills. Try taking away her favorite toy, or giving her something she doesn't like for dinner. She'll get the point, and you aren't hurting her.

Answer 6

this is why spanking doesn't work. children think violence is a viable option and size/age determines ones right to hurt another.

tell her hitting is wrong. start time-outs and taking away privleges (no tv, no toys, ect). if you ground her make sure she isn't just sitting in her room with all of her toys and electronics- that's not being discipined, thats having a vacation.
it will take a while for both of you to get used to- but it should work out in the long run

_and always talk with her. tell her what she did wrong, why it was wrong, and why she is being discipined

Answer 7

You & your husband must stop spanking her immediately! It just does not work! Please read "1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 " for great ideas on how to discourage bad behaviour and encourage good. 4 years old is a perfect age to begin reasoning with her.

Answer 8

Watch the show Super Nanny or Nanny 911, these ladies definitely seem to know what they are doing!! Spanking is cruel anyway, why would you want to hit your kids? It doesn't really teach them anything but to be afraid of you. You were a kid once and I'm assuming got spanked, because you do it, how did you feel when your parents spanked you? Yes it can teach respect but so can many other methods that won't come back to bite you in the a** later.

Answer 9

she is only doing what you are teaching her ..as she sees it mom and dad do it to me when i am bad so when some other kid is bad he should get the same .... try a different way of punishing her like time out there are many ways to give a kid a time out... i have 2 kids and that's my way of punishing them and they are 5 and 8 and i have a time out timer and when the timer is on they know mommy is not kidding and if they are not quite when on the time out ..they get more time added... there is no reason to spanking her there are different ways to punish your little girl

Answer 10

I have never spanked my daughter. You just need consequences for bad actions. For example once when she was five she had a tantrum in the supermarket. when we got home I made her write a letter to apologize for her behaviour to the supermerket people.
And give it to them herself.
I explained why we were doing it ,she was embarrassed about her bad behaviour and never did it again.
Dont get angry be patient as you can. Be creative with punishments! Now my daughter is older I find cleaning to be a good one. If she doesnt do what is asked nicely the result is anouther job.