Questions about using a surrogate mother?

Question

has anyone used a surrogate mother as a means to have a child? costs? problems that you may have faced? what are their rights after the child is born? how can you find one? is it better to have someone that I know vs a stranger?

I have been diagnosed with polycysitic ovarian syndrome due to severe insulin resistance, which is causing problems with becoming pregnant. On top of that I have high blood pressure and mitral valve prolapse, so even if I were able to ever concieve, it is still questionable if I would be able to carry a successful pregnancy!
I can't see being selfish enough to insist on having my own baby and either me or the baby or both of us not making it through the pregnancy! What good am I to my child if I die during the process of having them!
We live in Louisiana a little north of Baton Rouge.
By the way, me and my husband are 25 and both have good jobs, good family backgrounds, good political backing from his families side (if it would make a difference). Both of our families live within 15 minutes of our home!

Help, I've always dreamed of being a mother and now all of our friends are having babies and I cry myself to sleep with the thought of not being able to have my own!

All of my conditions are being treated with medication, so I, nor my doctors, are afraid of my health affecting my being a mother or living a long life. The concern is that if I were to become pregnant, then it's the stress that being pregnant would have on my heart!
I LOVE and ADORE children and believe they are a precious miracle! It breaks my heart to think I couldn't have a child in my life and my husband is distraught! I am trying to gather info on my options! I have also posted about adoption and it's options! Any help is AWESOMELY appreciated! You may help my dreams come true and I know you will be helping make our families dreams come true! My mother in law is already beginning a nursery at her house! She is apparently in denial about my health concerns!
Thanks again! You have no clue how much it means that you take the time to answer this!

Answer 1

Congratulations on taking the first step to building your family!

As an experienced surrogate mother that has dealt with countless couples with varying reasons to use surrogacy as a family-building tool, I hope I can help answer your questions...

--has anyone used a surrogate mother as a means to have a child? I belong to a surrogacy-based website that offers insight, articles, and support to individuals and families on all sides of the surrogacy journey. Check out http://www.surromomsonline.com/ where you will find all I mentioned and more!

--costs? This can definitely vary depending on the choices you make. Most parents via surrogacy will tell you their stories if you ask... I would estimate EVERYTHING (medical costs, surrogate fees, attorney costs, etc.) will range about $40,000 to $100,000 total.

--problems that you may have faced? Because a surrogate mother and the intended parents go into the agreement with the knowledge that the partnership is designed to create a child/children for the intended parents to raise, the emotions are much less likely to cause issues as opposed to adoption or foster parenting. There are always "bumps in the road", but a strong relationship between all the parties involved will make those seem quite small in relation to the joyous feeling of having a little one on the way!

--what are their rights after the child is born? Depending on the laws in the state where the child/ren is/are born, there is quite a wide range to this answer. I would highly suggest studying this area quite extensively.

--how can you find one? See my answer above about the website - you will love it!

is it better to have someone that I know vs a stranger? That is definitely a personal decision. I think talking to other surrogates, parents via surrogacy, and maybe even an agency or two would help tremendously!

Best of luck to you on your journey!

Answer 2

No, only one sperm penetrates the egg. It is biologically impossible for you to have a child that resembles both you and your partner, unless you use a surrogate that's a relative. It is very hard to find surrogate mothers. I would estimate that most cost about 20,000+. You have to pay for all her medical bills, prenatal care, food/rent/necessities -- on top of the money she would want as an incentive for letting you use her womb. Too, there's the money that it would cost to care for the child after birth. Most people avoid using surrogates because the legal laws are very gray in some places. Some places would allow you and your partner to register as the child's parents before birth, but others would not. If you have no legal recognition, there is no stopping the woman from deciding to keep the child, and, since mothers usually get custody, you could end up having to pay child support to her. She also is not necessarily required to pay the money back to you. She has no control over certain unfortunate circumstances that could arise during pregnancy like miscarriage or the child having serious medical problems.

Answer 3

I mentioned some of this information in your previously asked question.

Surrogate mothers, even though the baby would be genetically yours, the baby is technically the surrogate mother’s until the papers are signed. The surrogate mother is “the birth mother” so if for some reason they have created a significant bond to your baby growing inside of them, they have the right to keep it. Also, if prior papers are not signed, some surrogate mothers change their price and require more money even after there are pregnant with your child. Surrogate mothers can be very expensive to costing nothing at all. There are websites where woman are surrogates by ways of making extra money, so the cost would usually be high. If you have a family member or close friend willing to be a surrogate mother, you don’t necessarily have to pay them. My mother was going to be a surrogate for her sister but she became very sick. Asking someone you know to carry your child is a HUGE favor, but if you have someone close enough and willing to do this for you, a surrogate would be a really good option that wouldn’t cost a lot.

Answer 4

Take it from someone who IS a surrogate. Costs depend on if you do a independent or agency assisted surrogacy and lots of other factors. Problems could be none to aplenty. They have rights...but it depends on the state they are in. Go to http://www.surromomsonline.com or email [e-mail] for info on how to find a surrogate.

Answer 5

look online for a surragote. I think someone you know is fine though.. They dont' have any rights after the baby is born.. but put that in the contract for sure. Good luck.. sorry I can't help

Answer 6

im actually working for a mother of 3 that is going to do this for a family in georgia.she dosent know them but she looked into it as her doing it for a family and she picked who she wanted..you can find places online that do this and find ones thats close to where you live,i know that shes getting paid around 20,000$ for doing this,and as far as ive heard besides staying close to the family and just becoming friends with the family,the desicion is up to you if they have any contact.and again strager vs someone you know..its all up to you who you would be more comfy with vs who has better standing and more stable,some times qualities.depends on if its your sperm/egg being put in someones elses body..

Answer 7

Try these websites:

This doctor is the best and has a surrogacy program just click on surrogacy
http://www.babies-by-levin.com
(Dr. Richard Levin)
And
http://www.surrogacy.com

Good luck

Answer 8

take care of yourself first, and using a surragote is just fine if you can find a suitable one.