Is it bad parenting if parents use their kid's opinion to settle disputes...?

Question

and you are an only child. For example, if my parents disagree on what restaurant they want to go to, they basically make me pick a side.

I always found this annoying and think my parents are immature for it.

What do you guys think?

Note: I almost never care which one they go to, but the vibe I get is that they don't even want to make the decision themselves because neither one wants to make a compromise. So it's like they want me to circumvent their problems by having a 3rd vote.

Answer 1

They consider your judgment highly and they enjoy having a third sensible mind in their party. Very intellectual people do this behavior that you describe. You should feel fortunate. There is nothing that feels worse than being treated as though your judgment doesn't matter or that it's beneath inclusion. I hate it when parents and other adults totally leave kids out of decisions. The more decisions we make, even for others, the stronger your mind becomes. Look not for fault. Consider yourself lucky to have parents who naturally incorporate you into decisions.

Answer 2

Using your opinion to settle a real dispute would be annoying and immature. If they want you to pick a side, what would happen if you just never picked a side, but always made a 3rd choice? In other words, if they ask you, they're gonna get a 3rd opinion. If they really don't care though and let you make the decision for them, that's another thing. We let our son pick the color of our new car because neither of us cared.

Answer 3

It really depends on whether it is a dispute or simply a decision. For instance if they are arguing I want to go to KFC and the other days no I want Chinese. Making you decide is wrong, because as a child you feel you are choosing one parent above the other. But if it was simply a matter of them not being able to decide such as asking which restaurant do you want to eat at? your mom wants Chinese and I want KFC. then it is just a simple democratic decision and not a bad parenting mistake. So you will need to determine which they actually do, dispute or decide?

Answer 4

Depending on the age of the child, it can be very damaging. A young child should not be put in the position of settling parental disputes. After all, the child is the CHILD... not the parent, not an equal partner (in terms of responsiblity) in the family home...

Once a child gets older, though.. say teenaged years... I can see it as "including" the child in decisions that aren't earth shattering... such as where to go for dinner. If it really didn't matter to them where they went, then you giving an opinion or making the decision didn't really put you in the middle of anything.. it simply included you as an equal partner in the "Where should we eat tonight" decision... no harm there.

Answer 5

Personally, I think that is a crappy thing to do to you. They should be able to make simple decisions without involving you. All they are doing is showing you that you need an outside vote in a relationship to make a decision. It seems like they have bad communication with eachother and are to lazy to actually come to a compromise. They should not depend on you to make the choice. What are they gonna do when you leave home. Never eat again or call you every night at dinner to pick for them. I suggest that you talk to them and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and you would rather they work it out and just tell you when to be ready.

Answer 6

I have done the same thing. It is not normally done in a dispute, though, it is done when we are split as to what resturant to go to and it does not really matter. It makes my daughter think her desisions mean something. That she is not just alone for the ride, but part of the disision making process. Where to eat has never been an aurguement for us, just a period of indisision at times.

Answer 7

i did no longer comprehend the guy so i'm unlikely to choose him. MY OPINION on the different hand is that he had a physician that gave him what he needed, i think of he depended on his well being care expert, and the well being care expert basically needed his pay examine so he shot him up with regardless of he needed without thinking.. and it killed him. on the different issues approximately Molestation, and Vitiligo.. i comprehend he had nostril jobs and stuff carried out on his face, and that i think of if he had to look white that he could take it to that time and bleach his skin. i do no longer think of he Molested all of us.. yet I wasn't there so i don't comprehend. i think of Michael Jackson became particular, and the entertainment international lost something that they heavily isn't waiting to change, I even have in user-friendly terms stable issues to assert approximately him.. we are in user-friendly terms human and all people makes errors.

Answer 8

So when you do advise of your choice is it followed, respected or poo pooed?.
All the other answers included stuff worth taking on board, but you seem like a mature young person yourself and so consider whether its a mark of immaturity or simply a bad habit they have.
If something annoys you and you are in a loving and caring home, .................I'd say something like, I have decided where we go for dinner tonight and will brook no argument!!!!

Answer 9

Yikes! Yeah, that sounds really awkward.

Would you feel comfortable telling them how you feel? Or is there some other way to not play their game, such as picking an option that neither of them wants?

Answer 10

yeah that is bad to make you choose between them. If they asked you to pick a place that neither has chosen , that is fine.. but to put you in a position to dissapoint one parents and let teh other get thier way.. that is pretty bad