and i have my inlaws, and my son's father's family to visit also...i was just wondering if the husband's family is supposed to take precidence (sp?) (they normally do, and then my family is hurt and angry and has noone to tell but me... ) i just always end up in the middle of it all...thanks
2007-01-26 18:57:32 · 8 answers · asked by jessiblu_83 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Okay, so you have four seperate visits to make. Can any of these be combined - for instance, does your mother feel comfortable having your husband's parents over for dinner? My aunt usually has her husband's mother at our Thanksgiving table, so nobody feels left out.
If that is not a possibility, consider "adding" a holiday. On my mother's side, we have developed a tradition of celebrating Boxing Day, an English holiday that falls on the day after Christmas (26 Dec). My mother and her sister spend Christmas Eve with their husband's families, Christmas Day at home, and Boxing Day with each other, their husbands and children in tow. This has worked beautifully as long as I can remember because it is an established tradition unique to that side of the family.
Whatever you do, don't slight your parents. While they may love their son-in-law, you are their daughter; consider splitting up from your husband for a few hours to visit one parent or the other, so that he can be with his family and you can be with yours. I know you might like to be with him at all times, but it's only for a small part of a day and remember that you will be returning home with him.
If you son is old enough and/or you trust your ex and his parents, consider letting him spend some time alone with them without you and your current husband. His father's family will love getting him all to themselves for a few hours, and I bet you will enjoy a little time away. If your son is from your first marriage, your current husband's parents probably can handle not seeing him, but would be sorry to miss their own son.
Some variation on Boxing Day might be a perfect solution, such as Eve with your mother, then drop your son off at his paternal grandparents' house to sleep and recieve presents from Santa while you and your husband go to his parents' house for the night, and Boxing Day with your father.
You say that the husband's family is supposed to take precidence, but that is not a custom with which I am familiar. The most loving way to spend your holidays is as equally as possible. Best of luck to you all!
2007-01-26 22:02:23 · answer #1 · answered by Mysterious Gryphon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most reasonable people will understand that you have several people in your life that you care about and can't be with everyone at once. Rather than prioritizing and making one more important than the other, base your decisions on a rotation and/or convenience. This year my hubby and I spent Thanksgiving with my parents and Christmas with his, next year we'll switch. We usually do a second Christmas with the other family on New Year's. Other holidays like Easter, 4th of July, etc. are usually spent with whoever is easiest. If you have limited vacation time and can't see everyone, make sure you visit those you haven't seen in a while and make a couple extra phone calls to the others just to catch up & say hi so they don't feel slighted. The other option is to have people (at least the ones who get along) come to you, that way you can get more of them together at once.
2007-01-26 19:45:55 · answer #2 · answered by Hamlette 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. Your son's fathers parents should be last in my opinion. Then, put the more understanding and flexible people later in line. Put the demanding ones first. And, if/when the demanding ones throw fits, ignore it. They could at least muster the compassion to give you a break since you have so many to visit. Hope this helps.
2007-01-26 19:07:30 · answer #3 · answered by squealy68 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are always first and most important. If you can, organize for the two parents to meet you in one central location. This way no one feels slighted. Spend a day or two with each family and also find time for you and your husband.
2007-01-26 19:29:28 · answer #4 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on how close you are with your mom, I'd say visit your mom first. She did bring you into this world. I'd just go with whatever you think. Whoever you are closest to... whoever treats you the best, and that kind of thing. Hope I was of help!
2007-01-26 19:02:06 · answer #5 · answered by ArmyChica87 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Split the difference: one trip your folks go first, one trip his folks go first. Or tell them where you'll be and when and invite them to come to you. Or, if you're flying in, whoever picks you up at the airport is first. Or, at some point, you suggest to your folks that a good role model for your child would be someone who doesn't POUT when they get their way.
2007-01-26 19:07:57 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I even ought to say they were contained in the right. you're literally no longer area of their kinfolk because you're legally divorced out of your husband. The obit's in user-friendly words contain the surviving kinfolk. in case you've been legally separated, then "ettiquite" sensible i might want to say they ought to contain you because . even with when you're nonetheless close to to the kinfolk, you're literally a kinfolk chum at maximum.
2016-12-03 02:41:41 · answer #7 · answered by cheathem 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i switch off priorities every other year. one year main dinner with mom, next year main dinner with dad
2007-01-26 19:28:14 · answer #8 · answered by Opeal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋