My four year old step-son has been a really really good kid most of his life. In October all hell broke loose. He went to his fathers for the weekend and when he came back, he was very violent and angry. Things got better after 2-3 days, but then after he went back, they have gotten worse until the point of breaking both of our spirits and stressing us to the point of insanity.
A few examples: He now acts aggressive and defiant all the time. Marking on the walls with crayons and flipping when he is discovered. Acting terrified of me. Saying that things are happening to him, even when no one is around for them to happen ( we could be in the next room and he would say we were hitting him on the head for example). many many others, but those are the ones I have space for.
What is wrong with him and what should we do?
2007-01-26 18:27:03 · 11 answers · asked by whois 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
This behaviour seems to be only when he comes back from his fathers- what is happing at dad's house? The root of his behaviour is coming from his visit with his father, but you already know that. Do you think that his dad has hurt him? if you do then you should talk to your step son. You must be sure not to ask leading questions that could lead his answers to abuse. You may want to think of these questions before you ask them. also you might want to talk with him about how nobody has the right to hurt him, or put their hands on him in an unappropriate manor. Talk about what is appropriate, and what is not.
Your step son also may have not been abused, but may be looking for attention, maybe he would like to spend more time with his father hense trying to piss you off in the mind of a four year old perhaps he thinks you will send him to live with his dad.
You should also get in touch with his teacher, or teachers at his daycare if he attends to see if they have seen any changes in his behaviour. Is it occuring only at home or is this occuring in every aspect of his life. They might be your best helpers to solving this problem. They have resourses that might help you such as referals to behaviour services, childrens services in case of abuse and so on.
trying talking to his father to see if his behaviour is out of control there, you have to work as a team with him even if you despise each other. The most important thing should be the well being of your step son.
2007-01-27 06:08:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Please discuss this with your stepson's doctor. I agree that there might be something going on at Dad's place that is upsetting him, but your mention that he is feeling someone hitting him when he is alone and the sudden and violent nature of these outbursts make me think that this may be more medical than behavioural.
Simple partial seizures can take the form of odd sensory experiences (hallucinations, but not necessarily visual or auditory - they can be scents or sensations as well). These outbursts could be caused by something neurological, not just behavioural. It might be a good idea to discuss with the doc exactly what you are seeing (jot down some notes first so you don't forget the important points under stress). The frontal and temoral lobes of the brain are responsible for many sensory and behavioural functions - I am not saying that this is the case, but I would rather know that your doc is aware of the challenges you are facing with your stepson.
My daughter had a stroke when she was just a week old and it affected her frontal, parietal and temporal lobes, so I am all too aware of some of the things we might be facing with her down the road (we have been warned about poor impulse control, tantrums and sensory seizures). I AM NOT TRYING TO DIAGNOSE YOUR STEPSON and certainly don't think he has had a stroke, but some odd behavioural things have medical bases. If it is not medical, then maybe your doc can help you find someone who can get to the bottom of your little guy's sudden personality change - I can understand why you are at your wit's end.
Remember to take time for yourself, dealing with behaviour like this can be draining on even the strongest of parents.
2007-01-27 05:11:00 · answer #2 · answered by Allison K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something must have happened when he was at his father's home. If he is acting scared of you, his dad may have told him something or his dad may even have done something to him himself. When he is calm, sit him down and calmly ask him if there is something bothering him or if there is something wrong that he would like to talk about. Don't act like he's in trouble, just be his friend when you are asking about the situation. Do you have open communication in the home? Do you ask about his visits in an open and inquiring manner? He shouldn't feel threatened in any way or he won't tell you anything. I hope you are raising him with the knowledge that he can come to either you or your wife and talk about anything that is going on in his life without getting in trouble. It is when they start hiding things that the problems start. If talking to him doesn't help (try more than once) and his behavior continues to escalate, seek a professional opinion through your family dr. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!
2007-01-27 02:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by Jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your stepson feels torn. Perhaps his father is making him feel guilty for loving you & your stepsons loyalty to his own father gets him all mixed up because you are also his main father type figure at home. If you are out of his life then he doesn't have to feel torn anymore & he therefore will push you away. I'd say because he has an emotional attachment to you he is feeling alot of pain & guilt. It sounds as though his father is allowing this behaviour to happen & enjoying the stress it is causing for you & your wife. Whatever it is though it doesn't seem very healthy or productive so try & get some professional help.
2007-01-27 04:29:58 · answer #4 · answered by Mishell 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like there is something serious going on at his Dad's, maybe not physical BUT Dad might be using emotional blackmail on the boy, which in turn is confusing him & hence the anger. I suggest you get together with the boys Mum, take him out to somewhere that he really likes i.e. ball park, nature centre or something on those lines, give him a meal of absolutely anything he wants (even if he don't eat it all) and just get him in happy mood, then go "fishing" he wont realise what your doing cos he happy BUT be careful not to ask too much in one go, you might have to do this a few times before you gain his trust & he lets on to you what has made him this way....children are made angry it is not a natural thing for them unless they have a reason for it.
2007-01-27 02:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by Denise W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first of all, if he is saying that you are abusing him and you are not... then you need to document in a 'journal' to cover your ***. Document that you were doing dishes and he was in the bedroom and said taht you hit him and record the exact time. Do this everytime.
That being said... he is not trying to drive you crazy, somethign is wrong. Maybe he is being abused, maybe his dad is telling him bad things about you.. either way he should NOT go to his dad's again until this is straightened out... he could very well being abused. I would take him to play therapy... they will find out what is happening without him feel like he is 'tale telling' on daddy. Kids can be very loyal at that age.. play therapy is non threatening
2007-01-27 02:35:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like something serious happened when he was at his dads that tramatized him. I'd get him to the doctor, and maybe they can tell you where to go from there. Counselling possibly....... I would also question the dad, and not send him there anymore. Maybe sit him down(the 4 year old) and ASK about what happened when he was at his dads. Good luck!
2007-01-27 06:39:39 · answer #7 · answered by ~*Isabel*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me something is going on at his dad's that you don't know about........something serious.
What kind of man is his father? Is he reasonable to talk to regarding any changes he has noticed in his son. Does his father hit him and possibly your step-son is acting out and directing it at you? He is rather young to vocalize what may be occurring but I would see a counselor, talk to the dad but not let this go untreated.
2007-01-27 02:35:49 · answer #8 · answered by Incognito 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like something is happening at the Dad's house. He needs someone he can talk to about what's happening to him, without feeling like he's being interrogated. A good child counselor should do the trick.
2007-01-27 02:33:02 · answer #9 · answered by Amy S 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
that doesn't sound healthy at all.Please have him see a counselor to make sure nothing has happened to him that you aren't aware of
2007-01-27 02:33:18 · answer #10 · answered by Sxoxo 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋