How can I add a little spark to a Platonic relationship?

Question

At 50, prozaced, a minister, and inexperienced, I have a girl friend that I enjoy helping out. She is in a little financial difficulty and has no car. I am very comfortable with her. But the old libido just is not there. I feel like an uncle to her two daughters, who are very smart and sweet.

I sense I need to do a little something to keep the relationship going. I enjoy talking to her. We are both Christians. She is very overweight and I am pot bellied and average looks. I am so much out of the mating game I have a beard, which is white. Shaving irritates my skin a lot, so I do not want to do it. My hair is gray, white now. My once boyish looks are of yesterday.

I would like to keep the relationship going. Before it I felt so lonely. So I would grateful for any advice.

Answer 1

If I've understood your dilemma correctly, you enjoy this woman's company, but are not attracted to her. Yet, you feel you may not have more opportunities to get to know women better suited to you because you're appearance has changed a little with age.

Let me say at the outset that I do not think it is a wise idea to force an attraction and, therefore, to settle. She sounds like a nice lady who has enlivened your spirits a little, but she is also in a needy position right now (financially, as you say), and so this is putting you in a position to be somewhat of a caregiver.

There's nothing wrong with that, per se, but it changes the dynamics of the relationship. It may be difficult for you to see her for all she is because, she is, in a way, dependent on you.

I think if you enjoy this woman's company so much, you should either share your feelings with her (she deserves to know precisely what your mindset is -- she may not appreciate that someone is "trying" to feel something for her), or you should maneuvre within the relationship strictly as her friend.

Don't worry so much about being an "average joe". I'm sure you have wonderful qualities and if you are sincere about commiting to a great woman, you will attract other wonderful women (even if they don't exactly look like models - which, most women don't).

Whatever you do, DON'T settle. Also, it sounds, from your name, like you are a devout man: so pray about it. If you are lonely, I'm sure God doesn't want you to be alone. What can I say.

Best wishes to you!

Answer 2

19 Men have the whole "wanting to spread his seed" thing, yeah..... As far as never having thoughts, thats a little hard, but able to happen (i think younger groups it be easier since you've known that person since an early age) like school, when I got to middle school and highschool, I wasn't attracted to girls I knew (somewhat, or friends) from elementary. I guess the thought goes through the guy's head, but with most female friends, it's pretty fickle and passes.

Answer 3

Sometimes it's just meant to be friendship. You can still have a loving relationship without it being romantic. If the spark isn't there, is just isn't there!