A friend of mine is coming into town to run errands (she used to live in my city). We're planning on having dinner together. She asked in an email whether she could stay with me.
The trouble is I don't have a quest room in my small condo and she'd have to sleep in the livingroom. She and I are good friends but I don't consider her very close. I don't feel comfortable having her over sleeping on the couch w/ no privacy. I'm a very private person. I wouldn't mind if she's family or my close friends.
I was surprised that she'd make such request since she hasn't even been to my place. At least I don't think we're THAT close of friends. I feel bad for wanting to say "no" but I just don't feel comfortable having her stay the night. Additionally, she's going through a tough time in her life. That makes me feel even more guilty.
What's the proper ettiquete? Was it an acceptable thing for her to do to ask to stay at my place? Is it okay to say no?
Help!
2007-01-26 17:29:22 · 13 answers · asked by SHH 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
If she's not that close of a friend then she was asking alot of you. She may just be using you for a free place to stay.
It's your house, so you make the rules. Yes, it is okay to say no.
I've had friends and relatives tell me no - I've told other people no too. The only relationships that it hurt were ones that weren't relationships to begin with. Sometimes people have perfectly good reasons to say no - but I never hold it against them - it's their house!
2007-01-26 19:57:12 · answer #1 · answered by quietude61 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would guess maybe she has a money situation and cannot afford to stay in a hotel. If she was only going to be in town a day or two and I considered her my friend, I wouldn't have a problem with her staying with me. I can put up with a little discomfort if I have a friend that is having a tough time, that's what friends are for. She may be at a time in her life that is really crucial and needs to feel like someone cares.
I know this is not what everyone else is saying and I'm only speaking for what I would do. But, your asking for an opinion and that's mine.
Its more then OK what you decide to do.
2007-01-26 17:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was acceptable for her to ask to stay with you - nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? - and acceptable for you to refuse. She might feel that your relationship is closer than it is and that you might welcome the houseguest (lonely people often misinterpret relationships) or she might really be needing someone to talk to "all night" like we all used to do in college.
It's your home and you have every right in the world to tell her that it's not going to work for you to have her stay with you. You don't need to invent an excuse: just tell her that you have plans for the weekend and you need to be able to follow through with them - she doesn't need to know that those plans are to be alone.
Do a little bit of research on her behalf and find a hotel nearby for her to stay at, and then linger over dinner so she has the chance to talk about all the things that are going on in her life right now. She might really need a friend and not know where else to turn, so be there for her since she has come to you.
Alternatively, if you have a mutual friend or someone you know who might enjoy meeting her, ask that third party if they'd be willing to take a houseguest overnight and invite him or her to dinner. Then your friend will make a new friend and feel a little less alone in the world when she sees that there are not just one but two people in the world who still care about her.
2007-01-26 21:42:41 · answer #3 · answered by Mysterious Gryphon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be honest with her but in a soft, polite manner. Explain to her that your place is small, and you are not set up to invite out of town guests to stay. If you can afford it, offer to make her a reservation in a nearby hotel. Then you will feel the pressure lifted off of you, and you can comfortably enjoy her visit.
2007-01-26 17:42:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A home with 2 women is never a good situation-its an alpha female thing-i had a kind of close friend that i let her and her husband move into my basement and it just became a bad situation for all of us NEEDING our own privacy-luckily they moved out before it ruined our friendship-she may be upset when you first tell her but just make her understand how important your privacy is too you-if she cant get over it-then i guess your not as close as she thinks you are!! Good luck.
2007-01-26 17:40:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her that you understand that she is going through a rough time in her life and that you still want to help her get through her obstacles but you are just not comfortable with th idea yet of her staying the night.
2007-01-26 17:35:02 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you'll look for a nice but inexpensive accomodation as you won't feel comfortable allowing her to sleep in the living room., before she arrives.
2007-01-26 17:48:14 · answer #7 · answered by hurt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to say no. She asked hoping to save some money on hotel. Tell her it is "inconvenient" for her to stay at your place. No need to explain in detail what inconvenient means. Once you said that, she should back off. Offer her info on which hotel is economical in your city.
2007-01-26 18:13:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Better speak now rather then holding your peace. It's okay to be honesty...but that's the key be honest to yourself and to this girl. If not and you say yes and don't mean it there can cause allot more problems. So, stay truthful to yourself and this girl.
2007-01-26 17:37:20 · answer #9 · answered by pinkish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two choices; either lie and tell her you're having a relative staying at your place, or simply tell her your there's no space.
2007-01-26 17:39:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋