Am i worrying for no reason?

Question

Ok so my girlfriend has been acting slightly distant i think. I mean i never was touchy, feely with her in our 6 year relationship. We have great sex but we were never the cuddling kissing all the time type. We had a fight at the beginning of the month where i got her extremely mad and she said she wants to break up. We talked it out and smoothed things over.

For the past 3 months shes been into different music, movies, and her friends are into this weird folk rock and 1 of her girlfriends plays in the band and her other girlfriends boyfriend is in the band. Now one of the band members has my space and i checked it out and its all the stuff my gf has been getting into, Same bands and movies are in this guys profile.

I walked her to the car tonight and she had the band's CD in her car and it's terrible. i asked her why do you listen to this she said i like it. Could she be cheating with this guy? I asked if she ever met him she said she doesn't know who he is.

I was saying at the beginning that we were never touchy feely but now i try to be and she asks why are you all over me lets just watch tv we can have sex after dinner. She still calls 5 times a day and if i don't answer at night she get upset and leaves a voice mail saying i wish i could have talked to you.

Answer 1

she needs a getaway with you try a weekend trip ....No sex just cuddle this will freak her out.... show her your a good guy not just for sex.... open your own mind to other people a closed mind is terrible

Answer 2

Seems to me that you do have a problem. You never were "touchy feely" as you say, but I think you have missed something very important. You see women need to connect emotionally more than physically. It seems to me as if you have not been meeting her emotional needs. She may or may not be cheating with this guy, but do not be surprised if she is. If she is then she does hold major responsibility for doing so, but you must also accept that part of this responsibility may very well fall on your shoulders. Because you did not connect emotionally with her she may have felt driven to someone else. Men and women often have two different views of a successful relationship. You seemed to think that just because the sex was good that everything else was good as well. You have fallen into the same trap that many others have. Women, on average, need more than just good sex to feel that a relationship is successful. Also keep in mind that just because you like the sex doesn't mean that she does too. It may be too late to salvage the relationship, but that doesn't mean that you should give up without a fight. You may need to get "touchy feely" but in an emotional sense. Talk to her. If she's worth keeping then you should at least try. Besides, she may not have had sex with the guy YET. Talk to her and she may not ever do so.

Answer 3

there's a few things that could be going on here. one...she could be into this guy in the band. i woudln't think that she could be cheating on you, i mean six years is a long time. but...at the worst, this argument that you and she had may have shown to her that you really aren't the man for her. maybe she's into this guy, who she believes will treat her better or something. thats the worst case scenario. there's not much you could do there except try and make her happy. show her that you truely are sorry. surprise her a bit. if you are normally the one asking for sex, don't for a few days. but don't reject it either.

two: maybe you got her sooo pissed that she's trying to make you jealous, in order to make you conform to her likings. obviously you made her mad, so maybe she's trying to make you believe that the relationship is almost gone just so that you will try so much harder...if you really love her. some girls think like that. the fact that she still calls you five times a day shows that she's still into you. thats a good thing. there's still hope in mending what went wrong. what you need to do is talk to her. tell her that you feel like she is distanting herself from you and that you are scared. tell her you don't want to let her go...ever. since you guys were never the kissy/touchy type, don't try it now. now's the worst time. like you experienced, she will relate it to you want sex. she won't think of it as you trying to get/stay close to her emotionally. think about how your relationship with her has been before this big argument, and try to keep it going just like that. if this guy in the band is bothering you, chill for a little. see what comes of it. but don't focus on it. you need to focus on her. afterall she's the reason why you're upset/confused/whatever. give all your attention to her, keep things the way the were. i wouldn't worry about her cheating on you though...not yet...it doesn't seem like a big deal that she's into this different music and stuff. it could be her escape from the argument. don't fight her about what she chooses to listen/watch. that'll only make things worse....good luck man...

Answer 4

OK, first, music tastes change. I went from Country to top 40 to Rap to Classic Rock and Christian rap. our tastes evolve as we grow.

Second, the connection to the guy..I dont think you have enough to back that. Is it possible, yes. Probable, eh, not really. Maybe she heard him playing it and she really liked it.

So, basically, I would just have a good talk with your gf. DO NOT (I REPEAT DO NOT) ACCUSE HER OF CHEATING WITHOUT SOME DARN GOOD REASONING. Ask her how she came to like this band or that movie. And give it a shot, see if there is an artist that you both like. Communication with her will help this matter. you know she likes the band, ask her why. try to get her to talk, and you listen and respond intelligently. (hey, here's a novel concept, try talking to her INSTEAD of sex. she might actually appreciate it. just an idea, i dont know her so i cant say).

Answer 5

she wants her cake and to eat it 2. it sounds like shes interested in exploring different avenues. but hasent taken the jump. Shes still mad at you and you should let her know that thats okay if she is and that you still love her. 6 years can be the same as 6 days when a woman is angry. so be carefull...she may even be upset about something that happend before your fight. give her an opertunity to talk about it ....if she wanted to break up and changed her mind chances are she felt guilty about something.
remember girls lie too so dont make her feel like shes goona hurt you with the truth, even if you know it will.. it will atleast air out the laundry, and give you a chance to do the wash.........together....
the phone calls are a way to keep track of you so dont put to much hope behind them even if she called that often when thing were good.

Answer 6

Get with it buddy.

You need to enjoy the fur lined triangle as much as possible.
Sounds like she is getting some stiffy on the side and wants a wimpy hug dude.

Be nice, but shovel a bit of "I could care less if you want to go to some folk music hut" in her face.

The more you try and be the nice guy, the lower on her scale and most importantly, the man scale you will drop.

In a very short period of time, you will find yourself crying in a poetry room.

Grab you nuts and get some strange.

If this is too difficult, go to the nearest soda shop and order a Shirley Temple.

Please drink one beer for me before you loose all self respect.

Answer 7

Of course I can't know for certain, but one of the signs of cheating is that your partner changes his/her taste in music/movies, etc. Another is that they are less interested in being intimate/physical. So, yes, I think you have cause to be worried. But you'd have to ask her to know for sure. If she's cheating, break up. Let it go. Move on. Obviously, don't stalk her (just thought I'd mention that). And remember, too, that I don't know your girlfriend and she could be perfectly content in your relationship, but the things you've mentioned sound pretty worrisome to me. Sorry buddy. :( (I read an article about this-- can't find it now-- but it mentioned specifically that their taste in music changes. Another thing I remember the article mentioned is if she doesn't leave the bathroom door open anymore -- i.e., if she did this in the past and now suddenly doesn't. Why? Because leaving the door open is a sign of intimacy.)

Answer 8

dude, just stop worrying over it. Maybe she just needs some space...you cant confirm anything until you know for sure she is cheating. And if she is, dump her. Other than that, I wouldnt try to get closer or touchy feely. She might feel smoothered. Let her like the horrible music..its her choice.

Answer 9

Man, if she's into all new stuff that another guy just happens to also like, she's either with him or she wants to be with him. Don't freak out though, she might just have a crush on this guy. It's really not that rare for a girl to have a thing for a guy in a band. Also, in my experience I've seen my girlfriends (and wife) take interest in a man who is the complete opposite of me.

I'm a decently good looking, succesful 27 year old teacher who listens to most music, but no metal or country. I'm a succesful high school teacher, financially responsible, no kids, no diseases, etc. My wife came home from work one day and she couldn't stop talking about the father of one of the kids at her day care. Total white trash, unemployed, 3 kids from 3 mothers, tattoos all over, listens to heavy metal, etc. She couldn't get over how cute it was that he volunteered one night to come in to the day care and spend time with his son at "Buddy & Me" night.

In my younger days, I would blow up about this out of jealousy and rage. But since I love and trust my wife, I only slightly angrily told her that it sounded like she wanted to date him. She got offended and I explained my position and how the last thing I wanted to hear about for the first hour of the day that I've spent with her is how cute some guy was with his kid. She got pissed, but now I don't ever have to hear about things like that again. She can think/fantasize whatever she wants, just like I do.

Your girl is flaunting this stuff in your face, and you may just want to put the foot down and see how she reacts. She may be honest with you, or get defensive. But regardless of how she first reacts or how bad the argument goes, you should see a change. If she's got a thing for the guy, she'll probably not be shoving it in your face anymore. This will save your sanity for a little bit.

Good luck brother!

Answer 10

You should go check the guy out also, see if he knows anything about your girlfriend. Ask her where she is when she calls you if you're suspicious. Don't go confront her or anything, because it'll just break the trust between you two. Anyways, you shouldn't worry. She's probably still not over the altercation you two had. Maybe talk to her about it. Don't say anything about her cheating on you. Talk to her about it casually. Be nice. ^^

Answer 11

That is a tricky question because i dont think she is cheating but i think the fight you had got her thinking about her life without you and maybe wanted to change things that were just her things to like and yes it includes another guy and his music but i dont think you have much to worry about. If she still gets worried and upset if she doesnt talk to you she is still yours and still cares about you