Should I let my son wear a lip ring?

Question

I am a mother of two and I have been adamant about my kids knowing who they are and accepting themselves prior to making any changes to their physical appearance (hair color, piercing, etc). My 16 year old son has pierced his lip (without my knowledge) and I won't allow him to wear a ring in it. He thinks it's not fair and not a big deal. What are your thoughts?

Let me also add that he is a leader in his young adults group...which makes his actions very influential to others his age and younger.

..youth group, not young adults.

Answer 1

My opinion is "my house, my rules" and kids always think what they cant do 'is no big deal' however it is a big deal. At the age of 16 the only thing the boys are thinking about is whats cool, and how to get the girls. ( I know we have 2 teenage boys) I told our boys who also want to get a facial piercing, that they are not old enough to remember to grab a fresh roll of toilet paper when they go to the bathroom, they are not old enough to decide if they want a permanent hole in there face.

Answer 2

While the bigger issue is that he did something behind your back than WHAT he did (again, thanks that it isn't drugs) NO one has addressed the concept of him being a role-model for younger people.

Have you asked him if he thinks about that it might influence younger kids that he is a role-model for? Maybe he hasn't thought of that. Maybe that will really open a line of communication between the two of you...if you concentrate on the fact that it's not what he did, but how he went about it and what it could mean for the children he feels passionately enough to volunteer for that might be a start.

Ask him his motivations.

I, myself am a Girl Scout volunteer. I happen to have one facial piericing that I got after I established myself in my volunteerism. I feel that (while I didn't realize anyone might have an issue with it at all) a select few parents cared initially, but the value of my work made them think differently. Although your son is younger than myself, it can evoke respect for him from the middle-school crowd as a volunteer. As long as what he stands for in his volunteerism is what the parents are looking for and the kids eat it up, than why not? It's good marketing:)

As a mom myself, you might also luck out and he might get bored with it if you don't make a big deal of it.

Answer 3

At 16 I believe he is old enough to decide what form of jewelry he wants to wear, even if you don't think its attractive. Let him do it while he can, in a couple years he might have to have a serious job where he won't be able to be a weirdo! I had a lip ring when I was 17 back in 93' when piercings where just starting to get popular. Sadly I had to take it out when I was 19 and got a real job after college. I tryed getting another one when I was 26, but it just wasn't the same and I ended up taking it out after my 90 year old father tryed to pull it out of my lip.

Answer 4

A lip ring isn't a big deal, let him wear it. 16 is old enough to be doing things like that, it doesn't make him any less of a person. When I was 16 (quite a while ago) I already had 2 tattoos, Its just the age where he is trying to figure out who he is. Besides, when and if he gets sick of it he can take it out. Personally, I like the look of them, studs better than rings though.

Answer 5

I think you need to pick your battles. True, he went behind your back, which is uncool, but in the scheme of things, expressing himself with piercings, tattoos, or unusual clothes, or whatnot is really a small price to pay for someone who can otherwise be a trustworthy, good man one day.

Perhaps a conversation outlining your points and then listening to his is in order? I did a lot of goofy stuff with piercings, tattoos, and other forms of defiance. My folks drew the line at drugs, alcohol, and being an all around jerk to people. If I didn't do those things, I was ok, and they respected my choices, even if they weren't choices they would've made for me. And I have immense gratitude toward them for that. They let me find out, with their backing as a safety net, who I was for myself.

Now, as I get older, I've one piercing, a good job, and a solid foundation for the type of life I want to live. Had my folks crashed down on me for every little thing, I believe it may have undermined my confidence and my ability to make good judgment calls in my adult life.

I think the big deal is your son's deceit, not the piercing itself. So, is there a compromise to be found between you? I'd like to think there is.

Good luck

Answer 6

See it is not the matter of allowing him to wear or no... he should be punished as he has done it without your knowledge... tomorrow something else also may be done by him with you knowing about it... and he is still small.. for all this.. as much of this all attraction will take him away from studies.. i feel he should be more into studies than all this.. or you can tel him this is the last thing you wil premit him to do.. but incase if he does anything else without your knowledge you will take strict action against him at home...

Answer 7

Yes plz let him wear it, i myself have a lip ring i am 28 now, and its so much better then him sneaking off having sex or doin drugs and lip ring can be reversable not a baby or mentally retarded from drugs. its just a lip ring but dont incourage him to do the things..and as far as him doin it without ur permission ground him for a week but thats it. 16 is good age limit.

Answer 8

i think he shouldn't of done it behind your back. but he only did it behind your back because he knew you would not approve.. be open with your son. its his body, and i know hes only 16 but you can only baby him for so long.. be worried about him not feeling comfortable with his own mother.. that's what i would truly be worried about. Talk to your kid on a daily basis.. let him do the research and if it is what he really wants , its his life.. and you will respect that.. not wearing the lip ring doesn't make it go away , he can still put a clear piece of jewelry in it.... its not gonna change him doing this without your consent..be open and honest but know when to put your foot down...

Answer 9

you are the boss. being close to his age though, i would naturally side with him although im not too fond of lip rings. But its just a piercing that could be taken out at any time. Now if it was a tattoo, my kid would be in big trouble.

Answer 10

I don't think the lip ring hurts him or his appearance any.
I do understand you not letting him wear it now since he got it without your permission. he could have gotten an infection