I'm 20 years old and my parents won't let me do anything-I plan to move out secretly...?

Question

My parents have a strict rule of "NO DATING" and when i was 17 years old they found out that I was dating someone. They moved me from the city to the suburbs, took my phone, restricted me from going back to college; all in one month.my life was in constant watch ever since.I failed 4 classes when my parents moved me.My dad constatly remind me how i failed my life and how i would fail my life if I don't have him as my mentore.Im already 20 years old and my parents still have the same rules; this time even worst. I can't hang out with friends, i can't go out at night, and they won't let me get a dorm ( everyday i drive an hour just to get to school). I can't talk to them; i know they will never change their mind. Everyday, im being mentally tortured. A small mistake of talking back and fighting for my right and my dad will loss his temper and will have no doubt put a hand on me. I want to secretly move-out. In my version, "running away." Tell me, should i come to this decision?

Answer 1

well, if your parents are that strict, you'd better make darn sure you can make it on your own, because if you can't it doesn't sound like they will be too forgiving.

Answer 2

I would leave. You are an adult. I moved out 2 weeks after graduation when I was 17 because I still had a curfew of 1am. I moved out for a year, went back for a month, and then got my own apartment 3 hours away at school. I think you should move in with a friend somewhere and leave your parents behind. There is sometime wrong with them mentally..whether or not they (or you) want to admit it. Get out of there, start your life, enroll in college, and move on. They are holding you back. Before you know it you will be 30, living at home with no education, and miserable.

Just find a safe place to move to...if your parents come stalking you, get a restraining order if you have to. Call the cops. You are 20...old enough to do anything you want.

Answer 3

Been there done that. My parents were good parents and loved me more than I knew. But, my sister made up stories about me... some true, most false. Long story short, I met a man and moved in with him. It was a nightmare! Years later, I look back and realize that my parents had good intentions but didn't know how to go about getting me through those years. I had a lot of the same rules you have. I was miserable back then. Now, I look at what I could have done to improve myself and think that if I had only listened to my parents to begin with, I wouldn't be in some of the messes I've been in. That doesn't make it any easier right now. Instead of leaving secretly, tell your parents that they have made your home into a prison, and that you can either rebel and get out without their consent, that you will obviously make bad choices or mistakes, or, they can go to a therapist with you and try to make things work. But don't cut your nose off to spite your face. Believe it or not, your parents will always be there for you. Get a middle man, maybe a trusted relative or a pastor or a therapist. Your parents are worried. You are their child and you are growing up. They are having a hard time accepting that and are trying to keep you as their little kid. They don't want to face the fact that you are grown and can make decisions without them. You can talk to them, you just have to do it in neutral territory. If your dad hits you, that is another story altogether. You don't have to run away. You can pack your things and get out, but have a place to go before you do. Make sure you think everything out before you make your move. And, if you want to go to college, make sure you will have the funds to do so. Good luck!

Answer 4

I cannot imagine the situation you are living in. My heart goes out to you. That your father tells you are a failure is a terrible message any parent can give to their children. And his losing his temper is something you should not have to further endure.

I think you should make an outline of a plan how you will live on your own. Everything: where, what you will need, make a budget for all the things you need (rent, food, utilities, etc.), how you will move and what you will need to set up your place. Make sure you have enough $ for 1 month rent plus an equal amount of security deposit, plus deposits for establishing utilities.
If you willing be having roomates, your budget will scale down appropriately.

After you are set to move out, tell your parents about your decision, and where you will be living - maybe only your city and phone number, until you can rebuild your trust in them. Then move out, getting help from some friends.

You are 20 - already 2 years as an adult, so you can move anywhere you want to. You just need to make your plans, take responsibility for your future, and act.

Act responsibly, make good choices with friends and boyfriends, don't abuse yourself, and keep true to your principles, and you will be okay.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You are 20 years old, you are a legal adult. Your parents are still treating you as if you are a kid. I understand if you are living under their roof and not paying them for rent or bills, then I am sure they feel that they can still boss you around and control you. You need to take charge of your life, get a job, save some money and get your own place. I think your relationship with your parents will get better if you don't live with them. You say your parents won't let you do this and won't let you do that....you can do whatever you want. You cannot "run away" from home when you are an adult, but you can move out.

Answer 6

It would probably help you a great deal if you were going to college or working. If you don't own a car you could barter for a bicycle online to use for transportation or find someone on craigslist to share a ride or take a bus. And if all the kids were working and contributing, it would take a greater burden off your mom. She might even verbally attack your dad less, as most of it sounds like frustrations from financial problems. In times like these, it's best if everyone supports each other emotionally...as a team... not like enemies. But everyone has to agree to work toward one final goal to live peacefully together, or go their separate ways.

Answer 7

Running away is not the answer. Your 20 yes...but they are causing you to fail in school moving you from place to place like that. But, look. If you run away and things dont work out...make sure you have someone to fall back on like a relative or a good friend because they sound like the type of people that would be like..."so you wanted to be grown so BE GROWN"...(like my mother)...Talking doesn't work, find a third party. A professional, family member, someone that you trust that will be there when you tell them straight up..."IM LEAVING." This is damaging you! How do they expect you to be out in the real world if you havent experienced a dent in it? If worst comes to worst...you can arrange for a police escort to monitor as you pack up and leave. So once again...arrange for a police escort.

Answer 8

My upbringing was pretty strict also but i must admit not that bad! its a wonder that u can get on here and even ask this question... no but seriously my dad used to tell any boy from school that would happen to ring me that" he was the only boyfriend i had until i left school" now that was embarrassing! i was still asking they're permission at the age of 19yrs and then one day just woke up and started to say "I AM DOING THIS, whether you like it or not, tell them that they may have created you and put you on this earth but if they keep treating you like this then they are going to kill you, make em feel guilty and say that you appreciate all they have done for you but it's time they try and let you work out ur own lifes path! if this is hard then write it all in a detailed letter and leave it for them to find! if that still doesnt work then change your name, identity, and leave the country!
GOODLUCK and hang in there!!!!

Answer 9

I'm 30 live over an hour away from my mum and i still have the same problem. She calls me every day at 5 and if she is not going to call she calls me to tell me she is not going to call. I think you should move out and claim your life. Say yes mum yes dad when they tell you what to do then do what you want anyway. You have to take a stand otherwise it will never end. I was talking about this very problem with a friend the other day and she told me the perfect thing to say to my mum "this is no longer a adult child relationship" If they reply that you are their child you Say "no i am your son/daughter i am no longer a child" See how it goes but yes you have to get out.

Answer 10

Hello, I am a mother of a 20yrs old too. All i have to say is that your parents need you to grow up. your gonna make mistakes in life we all do. they are too over protective its a crazy world we live in today also but we can't live in fear all the time. I had to force and get my daughter to start driving and go to college and get a job told her these are the exciting single times for you like with people everywhere she goes etc. meeting new people can be a crazy thing but we all have to learn to trust. Think about what your saying also about moving out. can you take care of yourself finacially or will someone give you a place to live for a long time when you finish school? anything can change in life there is more to my advice if you like to discuss.

Answer 11

I have been in your situation. The best thing you can do is move out NOW. Make sure you have enough money, and just out as soon as you can. I suggest that you try to live with a friend for awhile until you find a permanent place to live. Understand....your parents may get very angry when you leave. If they threaten you, call the cops immediately! Make sure you have friends there with you and use their cars to get as much of your property out as you can. If you don't get everything out at that time, your parents, out of anger, may never allow you to get your other things.....you should take everything that belongs to you. Make sure you get a job lined up, and have all your mail forwarded to your new address.
I know it will be hard at first, but you will do better once you are out of that bad situation. Your grades will improve, and you will start to feel better mentally. Again, if your father or mother EVER lay a hand on you, call the cops immediately and press charges. It is illegal for them to hurt you, and they should face criminal charges if they do so.