My brother is a bully... and is really really fun and nice if you don't cross him. His behavior with my kids concerns me now too. I told him my bounderies and he doesn't give a crap. So I told him to get out of my life. But in order to do that, I need to miss my family functions. My kids will miss Christmas with my family. Is the price too high to set this boundry? If I do go he will continue to over ride my parenting wishes and belittle me in front of my kids (making fun of little things I do on a regular basis). And when I tell him to stop... he won't... and lashes out at me verballt (when my kids leave the room) So either I go and be a doormat.. or I don't go and my kids miss family get togethers.. and so do I. My family is not into sticking up for me.. so I have a choice.. what should I do?
2007-01-26 15:17:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you already know the answer and it is not an easy one. Sometimes family needs to be avoided. Once they know you are serious about demanding respect it is possible they will back you up and perhaps even your brother will listen more closely.
Be prepared for the possibility it might not change. What do you want your children to be part of? A family that shows disrespect?
In the case that the withdrawl is permanent find new ways to celebrate holidays that is fun. Sometimes if your lucky you will find a friend that has a family that adopts you as part of their family.
I know none of this is easy. It will take a lot of time either way. Patiently feel your way to the way that is correct for you and your children.
2007-01-26 15:26:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I find it hard to understand that YOU who have been offended are the one to miss out on family gatherings.
If I were you, I'd go to those gatherings and if he starts with those old unwanted behaviors, I'd embarrass the heck out of him in front of those same family members. Someone's gotta put him in his place and I wouldn't put up with his childishness--it's not harmless, is it? Keep him away from your kids as much as possible. You might even speak with a trusted family member, your cleric or counselor about this to give you a plan to stick with. Never, NEVER, Become some bully's doormat even if he is your brother. You're a grown woman and deserve better treatment. You'll only get it when you demand it. Grab a hold of your backbone, girl, and stand your ground. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to be right! You don't want your kids to learn that it's okay to bully, do you? Stop it now while they're this young and impressionable.
2007-01-26 23:31:34 · answer #2 · answered by MJ D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your children should always be first, and your brother apparently doesn't respect you in any way shape or form, i would try to sit down with him and have a serious talk about these issues. let him know you love him and you want him to be a part of your children's lives, but, you're afraid he is influencing them in a bad way. Sometimes people just don't realize the seriousness of just kidding around. I would also have a personal conversation with your folks too, and explain to them that children are easily influenced and ask them to work with you on this matter. Do not be a doormat for ANYBODY first of all. respect yourself and expect nothing less than respect from everyone even your own family, You will be teaching your children a very valuable lesson that will benefit them for the rest of their lives. You may have to prove your point to your brother and family, but, when they see you mean business, they'll probably come around to your way of thinking. I hope so anyway. Good Luck and God Bless You
2007-01-27 01:45:31 · answer #3 · answered by COUNTRY GIRL 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Brother is your brother, not your husband, not your children's father, how on earth did you let him get in the position to make you feel this way? There is definitely not enough information here, or way way too much. Have you somehow found yourself in a position where your brother is supporting you and your children? You need to take control. You are the head of your household and the Parental figure in your children's life. No one else has this privilege unless you let them. Contact social services there are different programs available for single parents. Reach out to someone else besides your brother. If your brother is your only resource and you resent it, then you need to develop other resources.
2007-01-26 23:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by mld m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say that you did the right thing. Silent stance speaks higher volumes than simple silence. You took a stance and now you must prove you will stick by it with your silence. You are teaching your children to respect you. You will need this when they are teens, lets see how good your brother's kids will turn out.
Your stance will only win respect if you are stubborn and stick by your word that you will NOT be dissed. And if your family was so ready to throw you away like that, and keep this a-hole brother of yours, you sure you want to be part of that kind of family?!
2007-01-26 23:27:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So see your family earlier or the next day...if you don't stick to your guns you will be a doormat forever and your kids will be walking on you next. It's January...you never know how fast things will change once people see you are serious. Take each function as it comes...Good luck.
2007-01-26 23:27:43 · answer #6 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't be a doormat. it's hard to say not to see your family at functions. it's time to experiment here. at the next family function when he is doing him, try ignoring him and walking out of the room. explain to your children his behavior is wrong and disrespectful. they don't have to be around him. if that doesn't work then let your parents and family know that as long as he is at a function consider you gone. is it wrong to set boundaries when it's obvious that everyone else is ignoring the fact that your brother has some emotional issues and is not happy with himself? no you are responsible to yourself and your kids. is that the type of role model you want your children to be around? not everyone who is blood is our true family. true family are those who care about us and have our same value system.
2007-01-26 23:25:38 · answer #7 · answered by sunshyne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do have a bit of a choice...invite your family to your home so that you can still have a relationship with them.
You're not being a door mat unless you continue to let your brother bully you.
2007-01-26 23:24:58 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Eventually, your kids will realize what is going on, and they wont appreciate their mother being talked to like that. have you told your family that you are considering just not being around anymore because of him? Maybe that would motivate them to stand up to him.
My brother was a bit of an ***. Actually he was a really big ***. The more I blew him off, the more it pissed him off because I didn't play his game. We're civil now, but I have no desire to have a real close relationship with him. Maybe that could be your angle. Whenver he went off, I just blew him off. Eventually he got tired of looking like a jerk trying to pick a fight with someone who didn't want to fight.
2007-01-26 23:24:04 · answer #9 · answered by tranquility_base3@yahoo.com 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont be a doormat....you can still be part of your families life.....you may have to limit it a little....only go to big functions when he is going to be around....
distance in this case may make the heart grow fonder and your brother will realise what he is missing out on and change his ways once he knows you are serious.....
2007-01-26 23:22:05 · answer #10 · answered by askaway 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋